My future stepdaughter may have serious issues and is telling nasty and damaging lies
I have been with my fiancée for over a year now. When I first met her daughter everything was great. Although I work with her father and things between us diminished, there was a basic understanding between us. There were issues that arose during last summer that meant my fiancée needed to move in with me and my brother for "2-3 months tops", they still live with us in our two bedroom apartment. So now I'm not only sleeping with my fiancée but her daughter sleeps in my room as well and its awkard. I thought them living with me wouldn't be a terrible thing because that would give the kid and I time to bond and form a relationship. However...... Things started off a little rough as I was not used to living with a child on a full-time basis. With that said I saw first hand how she treated her mother... Rude, mean, bossy and ruthless. I have never met a 5 year old that cried more then a toddler, wine everytime she opens her mouth and so on. My breaking point was when she tried that bullsh*t on me. Well, needless to say with my occupation I don't tolerate that garbage, especially from a bratty little kid. As the months started go by I tried helping my fiancée, but she's dismissive because I am not a parent(yet) and I "don't know what it means to be a parent, listen to a child cry", etc... My personal favorite is when she cries just get something she wants or just to get her way period. Long story short, I cut that stuff out immediately when she tried pulling those games on me. Well, now I have a real dilemma... Ever since I cut out the grand theft auto 5 videogames, instilled good school work ethic and hygiene habits along with a discipline when she gets out of control, she's been spreading very damaging and hurtful lies. Fortunately my fiancée spoke with me about those allegations, she recently mentioned them to her dad. Needless to say for two straight days I have had very aggravating and heated phone conversations. I have an idea of what I really should do to protect myself but I don't really want to give a year old kid the satisfaction of ending my relationship either. Oh how I hope someone could empathise with me and offer some sort of advice..... Thank you for your ear
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I don't have a lot to say
I don't have a lot to say that I think could help. You shouldn't be so stuck in the middle
If you decide to stay with this scenario:
First you need to protect yourself- cameras everywhere in house and complete disengage. After all according to everyone 'you don't know how to be parent '
Next to protect yourself you need to move her daughter to sleep on sofa or on air mattress in kitchen whatever - she can't share room if she is going to lie. You must create distance
Insist your partner goes to parenting classes before get married. Also if she says you are not the parent blah blah. I would have no qualms to tell her how shitty a parent she is and how bratty her child is as a result
If you decide to change scenario
Ask her to leave. Tell her you are now getting flack st work cause of her daughter lies. You can't have it effect job and to protect yourself the girl can't be in same room as you from now on
Cameras every time brat is in apartment
Disengaged
You draw a line in sand and insist on parenting classes before marriage and at least a six month track record of improvement
You also insist financee speaks to ex and tells him the truth about what is being said and that she already tried it with her
Last scenario
Give them a month to leave
Camera and disengage in meantime
As soon as they out break up- cite shitty parenting and lies as the reasons
Go have happy life elsewhere
I hope you realise this is serious - these lies she is telling can effect your job and your life. And it looks bad her sleeping in the same room and you allowing it.i know you aren't doing wrong but people will twist it to look wrong
Also you have to think
This child is five and will only get worse
Imagine the next twenty years of this shite
Her parents don't parent and she lies to get rid of the person who does
What if you want to have children with this woman? What will precious pants do then? Also this woman had already shown herself to be a shite mother- do you want that for your kids
I can't really advise you on this one. I have great intolerance for lies. So I would be kicking these out of my life and moving on and I would tell anyone who asked in work or outside how shite parenting she has and then she started lying and you were catching crap for it and it's not worth it.
I don't think I will talk you out of it so cameras documentation and disengagement
Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately my fiancée is pregnant with my child. We actually discussed her and her daughter leaving my place and putting plans on living together on hold until this kid gets some sort of therapy. I have called my fiancée out numerous times for being a shitty parent, she doesn't like it but oddly she accepts those facts that not only I have given her but her own friends and family have told her. She chooses not to change her ways and I don't think she realizes that if these lies do get into my work I immediately lose my job no questions asked. I deeply appreciate your input on this matter and I have already begun documenting instances leading up to this bullshit. Luckily I have a good memory. Thank you again
Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately my fiancée is pregnant with my child. We actually discussed her and her daughter leaving my place and putting plans on living together on hold until this kid gets some sort of therapy. I have called my fiancée out numerous times for being a shitty parent, she doesn't like it but oddly she accepts those facts that not only I have given her but her own friends and family have told her. She chooses not to change her ways and I don't think she realizes that if these lies do get into my work I immediately lose my job no questions asked. I deeply appreciate your input on this matter and I have already begun documenting instances leading up to this bullshit. Luckily I have a good memory. Thank you again
Your fiance and her daughter
Your fiance and her daughter need to move out immediately. The daughter's accusations could land you in jail. Given your profession I'm guessing you already know that.
Your backstory must be a bit complicated since you work with your fiance's ex. Since he is upset about what his daughter has told him, I'm sure he can cause you problems at work which is something else you need to take into consideration.
Since your fiance is pregnant it will make it harder to just walk away. Counseling for the 5 year old is a good place to start.
Them moving out was discussed
Them moving out was discussed today. I did suggest therapy for the kid on Saturday when I got word of these accusations. Funny thing is my fiancée turned the tables on me and said I need therapy because I get mad and upset towards a 6 year old because she cries all day and night(especially when I'm trying to sleep at 2 am before work). Its hard to keep my cool with her, I almost just want to pay for an abortion despite the difficulties we've had conceiving a child. I definitely don't need or deserve this stuff.
I agree 100%. She seems to
I agree 100%. She seems to have it in her head this crap will end naturally or that I go to anger management and or some other therapy because I get mad and upset at a child for "being a child". I don't see this relationship lasting much longer because of this issue. I mean do I like her kid? Sometimes. Do I hate her kid? No, but sometimes its really easy to. Funny thing you mention that about me being her parent once married because my fiancée uses that argument with the kids dad when it comes to other issues. I don't see myself winning in this scenario and the general consensus is to leave the relationship and I do agree it'd be the best and safest thing for me especially with a kid on the way. Can't take care of a child while living in a cell.
I agree with the others in
I agree with the others in that this girl needs her own room because you are at reisk of false allegations and this needs to stop before it gets out of hand.
What I don't understand is this:
If she's your fiance, why did you expect her to live with you for only 3 months and then move out? If she's your "fiance", when do you plan on marrying her and moving away from your brother so that you and she can have your own space and this girl have her own room?
BTW, in my state, mom could loose custody of the kid... because the kid doesn't have her own room.
Ohio is a very mom friendly
Ohio is a very mom friendly state. At the time she moved in we were only boyfriend/girlfriend and she was caught in a bad financial state. I wish Ohio was tough and the state would intervene here. Unfortunately the kids dad doesn't want her anymore then he already has her
LadyFace, thank you. MorriMom
LadyFace, thank you. MorriMom all I was trying to do was be helpful because when she moved in she only had enough money to rent and live in a roach motel. I couldn't stand to see that. The "brat child" has been causing a lot of unnecessary issues. Particularly her inability to use an inside voice despite being told several times my brother is trying to sleep during the days(he's an over the road truck driver). I mean seriously I was just trying to be nice, and took my fiancée for her word that she'd only be here short-term. And just so you know I have asked her numerous times when they'll be leaving and even more times told her they need to go because the space is limited and they need their own space. I'm assuming my bed, couch, TV and other amenities are just that damn good.
They need to move out and you
They need to move out and you need to move on. From a childless wife of a man with a daughter, your needs and wants in regards to SD will never be taken seriously and you will be expected to take the same mentality as her mother. You will lose out every time.
You can't possibly work in
You can't possibly work in law enforcement and think that any part of this OK. An unrelated CHILD sleeping in your bedroom????? You know she lies and is already hinting at abuse allegations?
Come on, brother. Wake the fuck up already. Get that kid out of your room immediately. Go bunk with your buddy if you have to. Why did you think a 2 bedroom flat could even hold 3 adults and a child? That's nonsense.
You are going to lose your job over this kids lies. How does administrative leave without pay sound while they investigate you? And even if you get "cleared", you will always be the suspected kiddie-diddler. You KNOW THIS.
Edited to add: Has it crossed your mind that if you met your "fiance", who was the wife of one of your fellow officers... and now she left him and is with you that #1, neither of you possess the best of character. Seriously. That is tacky and classless. And #2, your beloved girl is probably just a bed-hopping badge bunny and not so great of a catch to risk your career on. And #3, when you lose your position, she will likely find another cop to hop in bed with. Probably one of your good friends.
"badge bunny" - that makes me
"badge bunny" - that makes me crack up every time i hear that!
OP, the ladies have given good advice. you realllllly need to do a reality check and see exactly what lies ahead if this situation continues as-is...
1. If the parent refuses to
1. If the parent refuses to see the problems that their child is creating and sides with the child 'no matter what'. There is no future for you with this woman.
2. They need to move immediately..if you can't just put them on the street "today".. then at a minimum, you need to sleep in your brother's room until they leave.
3. The kid needs to go stay with dad until mom moves out. He should agree to do this because he A understands the kid is lying and in a poor environment with mom or B believes you are a bad man doing bad things.. and why would he allow his kid to suffer.
He didn't just get her
He didn't just get her pregnant - they were trying for a baby on purpose.
"I almost just want to pay for an abortion despite the difficulties we've had conceiving a child."
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your advice. I mean a lot of this stuff is things I already know. I've been called "mommas boy bitch" and shit like that because I don't like being around this child and I leave for extended periods of time when both of them are here. I am at my breaking point with all this because the life I worked my ass off to build is not worth any woman/child. Thank you all again