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so now what?

wifey's picture

So should I continue to try to make contact with the bio or should I just completely ignore her?


Nymh's picture

My question is, why do you feel like you need to talk to her? If I remember correctly, this woman is lying about her money situation and is running you through the ringer on child support and visitation issues. Why do you need to have contact with her directly and not through an attorney? Or are you trying to say that she's contacting you and you don't know what to do?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

wifey's picture

yes you are correct in all the above, I guess it bothers me that I am good enough to bring these issues to my hubby's attention, and good enough to be a stepmom to the sd but now that we wrote her a letter, and I followed up with emails, she has her attorney write me a letter barring no contact. I guess I am floored because I feel like I am being cornered with nothing to say about it

Anne 8102's picture

Only a JUDGE can order you to have no contact. Her lawyer can't tell you what to do. Your lawyer can't even tell you what to do, he can only advise you. Unless a judge specifically orders you to have no contact, you can do whatever you want. But I stand by my original advice that whenever you send letters or emails, they are signed by HIM and not YOU, because although these situations naturally affect us stepmoms, we are not legally or officially participants in the litigation, it's between the bio parents.

~ Anne ~

Nise's picture

It looks like we are having the same pitty party today! Too bad we can’t fire up the blender and drown our sorrows in some frozen margaritas!

Make a GREAT Day!

wifey's picture

you know it... ya know- friday is drawing near and I imagine when my hubby goes to pick his daughter up mom will say things to him- I wonder if I should stay home or go with?

Nise's picture

Do you usually go? I wouldn’t change the “routine” unless you want to go to be a “witness” just in case things get ugly…

Make a GREAT Day!

wifey's picture

yes I usually go- see my thought is- if she starts to say something to him- how do I handle that since it involves me

SteppedOn's picture

She WANTS to stir up stuff with you. She WANTS to be in control. The worst thing I've ever done to the BM in her mind is cease contact completely. It took me a while, but I finally realized that there is absolutely NO reason for me to ever have communication with her. Kids are teens so they are old enough to have phones and be able to communicate with us directly about their schedules and needs. If there's anything adults need to speak about it is only between DH and BM and that's not often now either.

DH has even realized that it is a waste of his time to bring up any of his concerns about the kids (like drinking, etc.) with her because she just uses to manipulate the situation in her own favor and play friend rather than mother to the kids.

You'd be surprised the power you feel when when you don't answer those calls and make it clear to her that you don't even intend to look her way. And then a few weeks into it you'll suddenly realize you are less stressed and your life is less complicated.

Don't play her game, make up your own rules and play your own way.

OldTimer's picture

That's my sentiments exactly. The one thing that totally bothered my SS's BM is the mere fact that I was even there to begin with, let alone have to have conversation with her.

The last few years we have been slowly 'converting' the phone conversation through SS and BM, rather than talking to her, simply because she would either ramble on and on, or rant and rage at DH. Now, SS is getting old enough that he can pass on information to her on his own. It will get better. I perfer to stay out of the picture, but majority of the time, I'm the one that picks SS up or drops him off simply because of her irratic rants at DH. I won't deal with her, and she is completely scared of me. She knows I know her game, so she won't bother to pull the same stuff with me. She's too intiminadted by me. Plus, the other thing that I love that drives her crazy is simply to be overly nice, but I'm completely blunt and mean business! lol.

It's my own experience that I go about my business with SS and completely ignore BM totally.

happy's picture

Why have contact with her.. The only time I talk to my husbands ex is when she calls our home to talk to SD. Which now she got her a cell phone so she uses the cell to call her..
I called her 2 weeks ago about X-mas gifts.. Because SD wants a PS2 and I was buying that for her.. So I did not think we need to buy two and to find out what else so we would not purchase the same things.. Other then that no contact with her..
I used to want to give her a piece of my mind because she can make my blood boil so fast its not even funny... But not anymore.. She is not worth me getting angry about. Why she is the EX and I am the wife.. My husband also finally told her that she needed to whine to someone else about her problems instead of calling him.. She has finally quit calling and whining to him.. But part of him telling her is because I had finally said enough.. I cannot take the calls and the whining about the crap at her house.. And expecting him to drop me to go run to her aide.. So that has seriously helped..
But I think to having confidence.. which is something I lack but am working on..
I say let her go on and on.. If you give her no attention its better for you and the sooner she will learn that she will have no effect on you or your relationship..