First Day of School Update
Well, DH and I got into a huge fight Sunday evening about the first day of school get together with him, his kids and his ex.
You know what....I was COMPLETELY wrong! I truly had my eyes opened by my husband. I kept thinking of him going to eat with his ex and the kids because they wanted to pretend to be a happy little family. That couldn't have been further from the truth. My DH is a great dad and hates missing his kids' events/special days. However, if a day happens to fall on a day/time that isn't "HIS TIME" per the court order then his EX has complete control over what time he can/can't spend with them. So, if he gets to steal an hour or two of "HER TIME" with the kids by going to the same restaurant after their first day of school and getting to hear from the kids first hand about their day then it's worth it to him to tolerate his ex in order to have that precious time with his kids. So what that she gets to spend an hour or so with my DH....when it's time to leave she still goes home alone with her 3 kids and he comes home to me. 
SO, I admitted to my DH that I was wrong and will work hard to change the way I think about these things. It's difficult to do sometimes because I don't have anyone telling me when I can and can't see my kids. I can't imagine what that must feel like to be told that you can't be a parent to your children because a piece of paper says it isn't your turn to do so. During our arguement, I saw in my DH's eyes just how painful that can be.
So, DH went yesterday to see his kids after school with my blessing and wishes to have a great time with his kiddos which he did.
BONUS: He got to pick up his son before his ex because she was late and he was early. Since he already had SS, he told her to go pick up their daughter and he and SS would go to the restaurant to find a table and meet them there. She was PISSED because according to her, that's "HER THING" with the kids. He simply responded that they would meet her and SD there. So DH got to see both kiddos, and hear all about their first day at school.
End Result:
Happy Kids
Happy Husband
Happy Wife
Annoyed ExWife
It doesn't get much better than that!!! 
- WifeVersion2.0's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You're a very smart woman!
You're a very smart woman! And kudo's to you for admitting that you were wrong. Not everyone can. Glad it all went well.
Good for you! I know it's
Good for you! I know it's hard to realize you were mistaken in something and apologize (been there) and you are a better person for it.
I'm sure you were harder on yourself than need be, there was a reason you felt that way but with communication you worked through it. 
So you are sitting around by
So you are sitting around by yourself while your husband and his ex are sharing the joy of the first day of school for their kids...on a night that was supposed to be your couple night? My main question...did he at least invite you to go? If not, what is your interpretation of that and what does that say to those kids? On one hand I admire your understanding and trust, but on one hand, there is understanding and then there is being a martyr. If your hubby and BM are divorced, I don't think that simulating the happy family helps anyone. Kids always want their parents back together, so why give them false hope, even on their special days? It seems wiser to make the new family time (YOU and their dad) loads of fun for them instead. Whether their dad celebrates their special day on Monday or Tuesday doesn't really matter does it? Or if he has them for the weekend, you can make it a totally fun back to school weekend bash. I know you are putting your feelings aside and making sacrifices that you think (or hubby is telling you) are the right thing, but I think hubby isn't taking you into account here. Yes he is a father, but he is also your partner. He can celebrate with his kids at the same time he respects you and values you. All he has to do is wait one day or two to celebrate without BM. Its called compromise. Where is HIS compromise? Seems like he got everything just the way he wanted it by YOU making all the sacrifices AND he got an apology from you as a bonus. I am not trying to be mean at all, just don't want any woman to be taken advantage of and told her feelings are selfish. Your feelings are not selfish. They are appropriate. He is your husband. Your hubby is a lucky guy, having his happy family time and then coming home to your smiling face. I just fear that you aren't so lucky. If you let him think that hanging out with the ex and kids without you is fine, I really hope you have some limits about what kind of events are deemed important.
Not exactly. This was not a
Not exactly.
This was not a date night that got interrupted or anything like that. It was just a normal work/school week day. I've got two kids of my own that I was picking up from their first day at school and I usually take them for a special treat after school to talk about the day. Their dad doesn't come and join us because we have just never done it that way.
My husband would have loved for me and my kids to be there with him and his kids for the afternoon but with 4 kids in 4 different schools in two different cities, we often have to "divide and conquer" as we put it.
My feelings were hurt some because his kids got to have that with both of their parents while my boys had just me. But when I look at it rationally my boys are just happy as can be to have me there as it has often been just the 3 of us prior to DH and I getting married. There is no hard feelings from them. It wouldn't be fair to insist that hubby come with me to share that special time with my boys while doing so would cause him not to share that with his own children.
Bottom line is it's about DH spending time with HIS KIDS. Who am I to tell him that he can't do that just because their mom is going to be there too. Or that he should turn is back on them and spend time with my kids instead?
It's not like they sat down and enjoyed a family dinner together. They went to a fast food place, sat at tables across from one another and chatted with the kids while the kids enjoyed some ice cream after school. Plus it bought my DH about an hour of solo time with just him and his son while BM went to pick up SD because she gets out of school later.
I was so busy talking with my boys about their days and hearing about their classes that I honestly didn't give much thought at all as to what DH was doing. Plus he and I were texting eachother updates about what the kids were saying, etc. while he was there and I was with mine.