all the shit hit the fan!!!!
First let me say I'm glad I found this web site. It gave me the power to tell my husband that he was taking over the discipline of his children. I wasn't going to be the bad gal anymore. DH didn't like that very much and we have to talk about it for awhile. I had to go get my friends kids home and while I was gone DH took my 14 year old ss in bedroom to talk. My ss has an anger problem and does talk well. He starts screaming to his brother, who is 11 to call BM. He does and she calls the cops. ( Crazy, right ) well they come and check on ss and everything is fine of course. Cops say that she can't really do anything about. Can't take him to a detention home like just to see how it could be because of insurance problems. So, I don't have to deal with this anymore. What does DH do....Nothing. I couldn't believe it!!! How can I tell my BD that that is not ok. I am raising her to have respect from the cashier in store to her stepdad. I am in shock!!! DH seems angry with me tonight and all I did was say what is on my mind. The same things I have been saying for yrs. The only thing I did different was make him be a parent instead of just a friend. Help!!!!!
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This is your life too....
........and you decide what is best for you and your daughter.
I think it helped you to say what is on your mind and I am happy for you. Although, the result seems disappointing.
The negative effects of this situation are definitely not good for younger children (really not good for anyone). I think 1 thing you can do is have continuous open communication with your BD and other children around(who do not deserve the effects of this negativity), ask them questions that help them release any fears or tension.
I wish you luck.
That's silly
BM should not be allowed to butt into the discepline in your household. What did she think she was doing sending the cops to your home? What reason could she possibly have had for sending them, and what benefit was it to the situation whatsoever? I don't know if your DH can address this with BM but it seems like a major problem to me, he was just trying to have a conversation with his son and the cops get called by someone who wasn't even there? I am totally with you on DH handling the discepline of his kids, but he shouldn't have to worry that every time he tries to sit down and have a serious talk with his son that the cops will be called, or perhaps something worse next time.
Your SS's anger issues sound like they're really going to get in the way of things. There is no reason why BM should have been called in that circumstance unless there are just details that happened which you're not sharing, which I doubt. Your DH needs to have the control over his kids to say NO SS11, you will not call your mother, we are having a conversation about our household and she is not a part of this.
I hope that things get better, it sounds like you guys are stepping into new waters on this issue and it's going to be a bumpy road for a while it seems.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
The next morning
Thx to the comments. I really did need to vent. I haven't slept for 2 nights now. I believe that this not getting invovled in the major discipline is going to be a long road because H says I have to do it when he's not here. BM has always told the kids if your father is doing something you don't like call me. This woman is crazy. When we first got married. We got full custody because she wasn't doing a good job and was leaving is 2 bedroom apt with 3 kids. When she finally moved, we now have shared. This woman came to my wedding and stood on the top of the hill above everybody. DH doesn't even scream let alone use physical harm. I must still be in shoock!!H and I are fighting now from when I told him the new rules of my role in household. Then last night happened and he's acting like my fault. I love this man and I want to be together forever. I just hope he realizing I'm doing this for my sanity and the households!!!! WickedWitchTai
The next morning
Thx to the comments. I really did need to vent. I haven't slept for 2 nights now. I believe that this not getting invovled in the major discipline is going to be a long road because H says I have to do it when he's not here. BM has always told the kids if your father is doing something you don't like call me. This woman is crazy. When we first got married. We got full custody because she wasn't doing a good job and was leaving is 2 bedroom apt with 3 kids. When she finally moved, we now have shared. This woman came to my wedding and stood on the top of the hill above everybody. DH doesn't even scream let alone use physical harm. I must still be in shoock!!H and I are fighting now from when I told him the new rules of my role in household. Then last night happened and he's acting like my fault. I love this man and I want to be together forever. I just hope he realizing I'm doing this for my sanity and the households!!!! WickedWitchTai
WWT - it's called emotional
WWT - it's called emotional blackmail. SS is exercising his "control" over his father by showing him that if he holds him accountable for his actions or tries to discipline him in anyway that he will have BM, younger brother or whomever call the cops and Dad will be put in his place. This is very common among "children of divorce". These kids love to play one parent against the other and in order to keep attention on themselves and try to benefit from the situation, will essentially "blackmail" the NCP parent by refusing to come over for visitation or by "getting them in trouble".
Furthermore by your DH making you the "sole disciplanarian" of the household has allowed you to remain villainized by your SKIDS, giving them more of a reason to dislike you and disrespect you. He is and should be responsible for discipling his kids - period!! If he doesn't like it - too bad - his is the father!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin