Dealing with PAS and Family Matters.
I've never been so torn. A little background, DH has been a victim of PA for the past 5 years. Approximately 3 years ago, his visitation stopped all together numerous things have taken place during that time, including BM's failed attempt at obtaining an OP based on lies. Yes the PA experts say to maintain contact, easier said than done when you’re fighting PAS. My husband was simply having friendly conversations with HIS children via text messages and The Sick and Twisted BM construed it as harassment. The Judge hearing the case was shocked and questioned another Judge even entering a Temporary OP. Her first order of business to address the Judge with was Your Honor, “They ran off to (Country) and got married, without my permission”. Neither I nor the Bailiff could help but chuckle. She was ordered to take the skids to counseling, sure Judge, she'll do this just like she was ordered to do when the divorce was granted. Orders issued are only for Dh to follow not her! For those of you that are going to bash DH for not following thru with the Court it’s a waste of his time, money and effort, because in his opinion all it does is complicate his children’s lives.
Anyway our present situation is this; FIL's health is failing rapidly, to the point where his days are numbered according to his Doctor. MIL is also very ill and back in December Dh was approached about putting her on Hospice too. Long story she is still with us, but nobody in the medical field understands how. With FIL’s recent decline, Dh has made the comment that when he passes away he isn't going to let his children know. “They couldn’t take the time to come and see him while he was alive why should they now pay their respects, when they couldn’t display any while he was alive”.
I think this is wrong and told him. Dh's response was “fine I'll tell them”. I don't want him to do what I say, it's what I feel is in the best interest for everyone. Granted since the alienation started they haven't visited their Grandparent's with the exception of once in December due to MIL's health decline and me texting BM with DH agreeing to me doing so. She is a blatant liar to say the least, one of her responses to my text was, "she's still there?", next text from her seconds later was "every time I'm there, I stop in to see her". Just more of her biblical BS. Mind you the Nursing home they're both in is 1 and 1/2 blocks from their home.
When my Mom passed away BM didn’t have the decency to encourage Skids to pay their respects. When my sister passed away a few months ago, the thought never crossed my mind to ask DH to let them know. Is he upset? I was shocked the thought never crossed my mind and secondly when they couldn’t pay their respects to my Mom; why in the hell would I think they would to my sister?
Either way I’m torn, I know if the kids know the BM is going to attempt to attend the services, which I’ve discussed with DH previously. He has said she will be escorted out and the skids are welcome to stay. I feel if Dh doesn’t tell them, it will be one more thing BM will use to continue her PA campaign, “see your father doesn’t even consider you part of the family so he didn’t tell you’. Honestly I believe my husband wants to tell them and have them pay their respects, however he’s embarrassed at their behavior along with appearance. If BM shows up it’s going to be very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut I honestly don’t know if I can do it. Out of respect for my FIL I hope I can, but this woman is such a hypocrite she needs to be put in her place and I’m sure the children would be present to hear what’s said. It seems like either way it’s a mess.
No matter how it's handled it's wrong.