What if?
I came home after an amazing few days away with DS and a friend. I was happy to see SO, but not happy to be home.
I sat here thinking as I watched SO wait for YSD to get ready. SO planned to take her fishing, which I think is grey he should spend more time alone with her.
As he waited for TWO hours, gently nudging her to get moving, while he waited like her trained dog waiting for a treat. I started to wonder is it possible that you can be compatible with someone in every way, except parenting and have that be enough to destroy a relationship?
I talked with SO while he waited, I told him this is just one of the many reasons why we can't ever do things together. He will tolerate a child not being ready on time and making everyone else wait for them. He won't say anything because he doesn't want to argue and he won't do anything because he doesn't want to be the bad guy.
I on the other hand would be very upset if I was in his shoes, hence one of the many reasons I don't include YSD in any plans I make. It is rude,disrespectful and shows little appreciation for other people or their time when you make people wait on you. It also develops a bad habit that will follow that child into adulthood. Your job isn't going to tolerate tardiness. Friends and significant others will lose patience.
Now that YSD is with us full time I notice it more. We can't do things together because I can't tolerate her behavior and it's not worth having her ruin my plans. He has to stay home because she can't be left alone overnight and he would feel guilty doing something fun without her. I feel like we haven't spent anytime together at all since she has been here full time. At least before we had every other week of reprieve.
Is it even possible for our relationship to survive this? I am an on the go person I refuse to change my lifestyle. I would be miserable if I did and DS would suffer and I won't allow that to happen. I notice SO is becoming more and more insecure about our relationship.
I guess I am just wondering if I am being unrealistic that a relationship can survive this, or if eventually it will be the wedge that pulls us apart.
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On another note when I was
On another note when I was with my friend and our kids. I was talking to her about how SO just doesn't understand how sad it is that he allows YSD to behave the way she does.
I always spend time with my friend and her son, who is autistic and has multiple disabilities due to a genetic disorder and he is so much better behaved than YSD. That's because she is a great mother who immediately redirects him and corrects his behavior when needed. She actually puts in the work parenting. Her adult son is also amazing and she was a young single mother.
When the root of the problem
When the root of the problem is your SO, and the SD's behavior is allowed to continue (by said SO), then I think it's realistic to think that the relationship will suffer and may not survive.
Two hours for her to get ready? To go FISHING? And he just waited?
I notice SO is becoming more and more insecure about our relationship.
But, he's not doing anything about it, is he? Just letting her do what she does (rude) and letting it affect your relationship.
To answer your question, YES,
To answer your question, YES, I think their poor parenting can ruin your relationship even if you are compatible otherwise. And I think it's because a) it destroys your respect for them and b) their poor parenting results in a rotten kid who affects your life, and that's ultimately a very selfish thing for your partner to do - both to you and to the kid. So it's impossible not to get resentful of them.
SD is playing games
You know that. She Wants to control your home. Wants to make everyone's life hard. As always late. The one thing she can control,
Your main problem is DH who is letting her control him. Your DH is the parent and he should stop this. I could not live in a house or in a relationship where the 14 yo is in control of it. You can disengage, what you have done. Unfortunately SD dosent care because she still controlling her Father.
I don't know if your relationship can survive as long as SD is around
Differences in parenting and
Differences in parenting and differences in financial philosophy are cited as the two most common reasons for divorce, so yes, permissive parenting can torpedo an otherwise great relationship.
Kids NEED and WANT rules and boundaries from their parents, so it's a shame your SO isn't willing to step up for his daughter. Letting the tail wag the dog may benefit him in the short term, but at what cost to everyone long term?
I've fired plenty of young people for chronic attendance issues. Your SO needs someone to take crayon in hand and draw the big picture for him.
Yes, and ultimately he's
Yes, and ultimately he's being very selfish to parent the way he does. It's all to make him feel better with no thought about his kid's future or the OP. And who wants to be with a selfish person?