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Any thoughts on this

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I have been stalking BMs social media and YSDs phone app. Not because I care about them or what they do but for my own selfish reasons and to not have any surprises.

No one is sure what BMs motivation is for keeping YSD. She doesn't like her. She can't deal with her behavior. She isnt getting any money for her and she hasn't filed for anything. 

So it seems likely it is either a power play because services are now involved and she wants the control over thier involvement. Or she is prepping YSD as a potential witness in court when her and exBF go for custody. BM loves to play the he is abusive card that has been her MO with every baby daddy and every ex she has ever had. 

YSD has been there 3 weeks the first two weeks BM was smothering her with love and attention as well as taking her places and doing things with her. BM loves to make it look like she is MOTY that's why she will post any interaction on FB.

The last week nothing and based on YSDs phone records BM has been leaving her home alone a lot. Also since YSDs behavior has likely gotten worse since she has been in the land of lawlessness. She no longer has any friends left. You can see her texting them and them not responding. I'm not surprised because most parents will let her come to their house one time and she is never invited back again.

So YSD is going to be home, ignored by BM with nothing to do for her 5 day school break. I can tell you from experience that is YSD is not kept busy in addition to making messes everywhere she is irritable and annoying because she has absolutely no idea how to entertain herself. If you address her behavior with her she will lose her shit and engage in a full blown outburst. 

This will inevitably lead to more conflict between YSD and OSD as well as YSD and BM.

So my concern is I have been truly enjoying my peace and quiet and have many things planned coming up. How long before BM drops this kid back off on our doorstep?


tog redux's picture

Wait - you mean HIS doorstep, right? You have your own doorstep and don't need to have anything to do with YSD. 

My guess is that BM is trying to avoid CPS/services finding out what a crap mother she is, and yes, sooner or later, she will dump her back on your SO. 

ndc's picture

Why would it be "our" doorstep?  I thought your SO had gone to live with his mother and his children were permanently banned from your house.  Even if the SO is living with you currently, won't he have to go elsewhere with his kids if BM sends them back to him?

Gimlet's picture

No, no, Wicked you no longer share a doorstep with your SO, right?  RIGHT??

Do not let your boundaries slide, and do not ever live with either of your SDs again.  This is your SO's mess to clean up, period.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Yes he will have to leave he knows that and is prepared to do so.  But I am assuming since BM doesn't know any of our personal business she will just drop her off to my doorstep one day. It's not like she gives a warning before this happens. 

I'm just trying to be prepared if that inevitably happens. Also the disruption as we have been doing much better and SO is in therapy now also. The therapist wants us to have planned time together to work on our relationship.  SO and I have a lot of things planned together and paid for already.

That would have to  change if she comes back because I am not going anywhere with her in tow. So unless SO can find someone to watch her I will be going without him.  Which does suck in a way because it's been nice for us to work on us and we have both been working on ourselves.

I just don't like those kinds of surprises they are good ones. 

tog redux's picture

Unfortunately, your SO comes with some giant baggage in the form of these 2 girls. You won't ever have him all to yourself (unless they are completely estranged from him, but that comes with its own misery).

grannyd's picture

Just out of naked curiosity, Wickedstepmo, is BM attractive? I often wonder about these lazy women with numerous baby daddies. What’s the charm that lures the men? Surely, easy sex cannot be enough to justify some of the punishment that these ‘daddies’ undergo? I was a fine-looking woman, in my day, yet never got away with a fraction of what barracudas like your BM, Toxic Troll, North Korea, Darth Vader and so many others dish out!

Quite frankly, your boyfriend’s daughters fascinate me. Their behaviour is so off the wall, even in today’s permissive society, that it’s downright entertaining. Poor you! Cray 2

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

She actually looks like a meth head. She is super skinny her bones potrude and her face is sunkin in.  I was shocked when I first met her. She looks so much older than me but is actually youmger. She doesn't drink or do drugs. I think it's just a rough life. 

I have seen pics of her just 10 years ago and she was cute. It's hard to believe it's the same woman. I definitely think that all she had was looks and good fertility that helped her get men. I have heard the same story from all her baby daddies she was pregnant immediately after one or two encounters. So they knew almost nothing about her when she got knocked up.

She doesn't have looks anymore and they took her uterus too many c-sections. So I am not sure how she will get a man now. 

As far as SKs go. I have worked with convicts, troubled youth and plenty of dysfunctional families and can say with all honesty they are up there with the worst. I have only heard of similar problems with foster or adoptive families who took in kids from abusive, neglectful homes where the parents rights were terminated. No matter what they did the kids just had severe behavioral and conduct issues.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

We have been working on things like the counselor has advised since I am not ready to walk away from the relationship. Since YSD has PASd out it's just kind of happened he has started staying at my house again. He hasn't moved his things back in or anything. But he is here most of the time lately.

So it just came out that way when I wrote it because BM would just automatically drop her on my doorstep. I can honestly say BM would just drop her here even if he wasn't here just because she has no idea what goes on with SO now that YSD isn't around to give her minute by minute reports.


tog redux's picture

Now that YSD is old enough to be home alone, she might just alienate her entirely like she did OSD, and neglect her needs, rather than send her to SO (since SO is dragging her into services she doesn't want). That's the "best" you can hope for.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

That would be preferable since I don't think they will ever be normal or even close to it. I think I could handle the occasional short term visit. 

Honestly I think SO feels a sense of relief not having to deal with thier behavior on a daily basis and would be happy just seeing them once in a while and giving them back when he has had enough. He is so much calmer and more relaxed now. All the irritability, headaches and other things that were causing issues between us have disapated. 

tog redux's picture

My DH looked so much more relaxed a few months after SS was alienated than he did while he was coming over. Sadly. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

No she always claims them anyway and SO doesn't have it in him to fight her on it. So she would have been able to pocket the money as usual without ever having to support the kid.