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Silly BM, your tricks are for kids!

WhittySM's picture

Checked DH's email tonight. BM sent him several emails 2 days ago with baby pics of SD12 and him. Her "all time favorite" is a pic of him shirtless laying in bed reading to SD as a baby. Really? Keep in mind this is the woman who emailed him the morning of our wedding saying that it was a sad day for her because now she can never have the family with him and their daughter that God had intended. That she never went through on any of her engagements (there were 3) because they just weren't him and she loves him and always will. And she doesn't know why she never took him back.

He responded, "Just reminiscing or what?" She said, "No, I was looking for another picture and found those."

Yeah, right. This, the day after a volleyball tournament that I didn't go to? I am 99% positive that she sat there watching their daughter play, sitting next to him, holding her new baby and in her mind was fantasizing that they were still a family.

I just know how she is. She likes to act like his wife at tournaments. Here hold this. Can you get me something to eat? Here I'll make room so we can sit together. Let's take pictures together.

Comments

msg1986's picture

That's weird. Out of curiosity, does he take the bait when she tries to act like his wife at these tourneys?

creolemom84's picture

BM seriously needs to get a life and stop crying over spilled milk! Some people don't seem to get what "ex" means...

Cocoa's picture

it's obvious your dh has not put bm in her place and allows her to cross too many boundaries for a married man. why do you accept this out of your husband? it wouldn't be an acceptable relationship if it were some other woman, why is it because it happens to be bm? this is another woman, just like any other woman. how would you handle another woman e-mailing your dh so intimately and taking full advantage of your absences to be close to your dh? the point is, your dh condones this, if not encourages it or it would not be taking place. your dh is disrespecting you and your marriage. that e-mail should never have been responded to, or if it was he should have said "I have all the pictures I need. please do not contact me unless it's directly related to skid." and then NOTHING from him. no response ever. if she's half way sane, she will eventually get the message. when she talks to him, the minute the conversation starts detouring from skid, he ends it. this is a definite hill to die on. your problem is your dh, not bm.

morethanibargainedfor's picture

^^^ This^^^
I would lose my shit if BM ever acted like this and SO responded! Completely unacceptable! Just as stated above, how would you feel if it was anyone other than BM? How would DH feel if you were communicating like this with another man, regardless of who it is?

I was in a relationship with a divorced man (no kids) who would still talk to his ex and would always use excuses like "oh she's just sad, I don't want to be mean to her, we need to discuss our taxes" etc...it was all bullshit and she was trying her hardest to use all these excuses to get him back! Eventually I found out that he had cheated on me with her several times. They never got back together but regardless.

Your H should not have any communication with her whatsoever unless it is directly related to the kids. Put your foot down!

askYOURdad's picture

I don't know which is worse, watching BM play happy family or watching and SD play daddy's wifey????

WhittySM's picture

Just to set the record straight. Yes there has been some issues in the past with DH not setting appropriate boundaries with BM, I have talked to him and I know his parents talked to him about it. I explained to him the difference between cordial and overly friendly. I asked him to honor our marriage and respect me when he does communicate or interact with her. He does NOT play into these games at tournaments. He sits separate from her. He eats separate from her. He drives separate from her. He is basically there to support his daughter. BM tries to "play" family when I'm not there, he doesn't buy into it. Yes, he helped her get her car because it was cold/rainy outside and she has an infant. He isn't going to look like a jack ass to all the other parents as she is asking him so she doesn't have to walk a mile with an infant in cold, rainy weather. AND he is basically a nice guy to everyone, he probably would have done it for just about anyone.

And his response to the email, while not overly sarcastic and rude as to start a fight with her (fairly easy to do, one wrong word and she is blowing up his phone with bitchy psycho texts), in my opinion it was fairly curt for him. He didn't go down the walk through memory lane with her. In his mind, his response was akin to "Why are you sending me these photos?"

DH has learned a lot in the past few years with me, even more so in the past few months. I let it be known that I don't appreciate her constant intrusion on our lives. He got pissed at her for telling SD no when he had already said yes. He was angry because she couldn't just leave well enough alone and let him parent as he see fit. SD was not in danger or neglected, it was a difference of opinion, nothing that she should have warranted her interfering.

I think that is why she is trying to interject herself so much. He has been sticking up for himself and his right as a parent more and more over the past few years. He has distanced himself from her and stood up for me on numerous occasions. I still get frustrated, but especially in the past month I have seen a serious decline in communication from and to BM and only when necessary. I think I may have finally gotten through to him how much it can hurt me, for another woman to take up so much space in his head and our lives.

Cocoa's picture

it's a slow process, that's for sure. my own dh would back-slide occasionally and I would have to get him back on track. I can pretty much let my guard down now and it's very freeing (although it still lurks in the back of my mind). I've found that my dh HAD to be sarcastic/mean to her because if he wasn't, she'd take it and run with it and he knew i'd make his life hell if he played into it. ha! he'd MUCH rather have her mad at him than me. but, in my opinion, helping her to the car was over the top. she got herself and her newborn there, she can get herself back to her car. I remember one instance where my dh left bm in a parking lot when we were picking up the kids with a flat tire. I think THIS instance spoke volumes to her, that NO, dh was not her support system in any way, shape or form. she wasn't in danger, but it was a very valuable lesson for her. she's going to have to manage life on her own and this exemplified it. I just don't think your bm has quite gotten the message yet. was your dh the ONLY man around that could have helped bm to the car, or was he just the closest? if he were sitting on the other side of the stadium, how would he even know she needed assistance? I think chivalry HAS to go out the door when there has been inappropriate boundaries in the past.