I think I am finally learning...
So, a LOT of my upset in my marriage has to do with the fact that I can't mind my own damned business. When my asshole SS17 pulls his usual crap, I'm supposed to ignore it! When I don't ignore it, my DH takes it personally, gets defensive and we end up in a huge fight. Same goes for SS21. I need to mind my own frigging business. I need to stop caring about how HIS kids turn out. I need to stop worrying about other peoples' children. I don't get involved when my best friend tells me something about HER kids...I don't offer my advice or parental viewpoints when she's venting. WHY DO I DO THIS WITH MY DH?
From now on, I'm not asking about his kids because I will end up "caring" about them. I can't care...I've been taught that I'm not allowed. When I do, we fight. Problem solved...no more caring = no more fighting!
OMG - this doesn't have to be hard. I'm making it so much harder than it has to be. I'm glad I have read so many post regarding disengaging. It's saved my marriage.
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Find a hobby that occupies
Find a hobby that occupies your mind. Jigsaw puzzles, post apocalyptic life skills (aka sewing, knitting, crocheting). Something you can lose yourself in. Something that will matter more than his sons. Something that has a positive result to cancel out the negative. When DH blathers on about the latest F/up you can look at your creation and say "Hmmm, but I made THIS!" Works for me.
LOVE this idea...I can
LOVE this idea...I can crochet and "listen" at the same time. Afghans for everyone!
I suggest food saving like
I suggest food saving like pressure canning and such. It's actually pretty enjoyable, or so I think so. I'm kind of a "survival prepper". I have taught myself to sew, micro farm, food saving, and can build quite a few things and do my own plumbing if need be.
It makes me feel useful. I know if anything goes down, I don't need help to support myself and live off grid.
A good friend of mine just
A good friend of mine just shared with me that she always says "Good For You" when she really wants to say "Go F*ck Yourself". Just say that.