Looking for recommendations for post-breakup books, books about being alone, etc.
I've kind of come to realize over the past year that my self-esteem has been at an all-time low since my breakup with ex-SO. I ruined the relationship after him partially due to that issue and partially due to the fact that I jumped into it way too soon. I've been doing online dating for the past couple months and I don't think that has helped either. It's not just the men, though dealing with people on there gets exhausting and depressing sometimes. I've actually met a few nice/cool people and for some reason I'm just like, "Eh." I can't figure out if I just haven't met the right person or if I should just lock myself in my house and not date so I don't keep hurting people or leading them on, if I'm just not ready to date yet.
I'm a big reader, that's how I deal with and process things. And I know many people on here have gone through bad breakups. What are some books that helped you? My big issues seem to be:
a) low self-esteem - I mean why else would I put up with a controlling, overbearing personality like ex-SO for almost five years? And then keep going BACK?
b) I feel like I have no idea how to function in a "normal" relationship after being in such a toxic, unhealthy, unbalanced one for so long.
c) I don't know how to be alone. I'm very uncomfortable without having a man as a safety net. Which is stupid, because like I said, I'm really very independent. Makes no sense to me. If I'm in a relationship I don't mind having a lot of alone time but if I'm not in one, I can't stand being alone with myself all weekend. What the heck?
I know self-help books get a bad rap, but they have always helped me process things. I've thought about going to counseling through work but I don't know. The last time I tried that, the counselor told me that if I really felt that strongly about ex-SO that I should give it another shot and try to make it work. Everyone else on the face of the earth tells me to run the other direction as quickly as possible.
So I appreciate any book recommendations. I'm going to read "Eat, Pray, Love" again I think. And I've already read "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." Anything else that's helped you guys, please share! Thanks!
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You keep coming back because
You keep coming back because it is what you know. Try meetup or something new that you've always wanted to try.
Try, "It's Called A Break-Up
Try, "It's Called A Break-Up 'Cause It's Broken." (Or close to that title.)
Also, "I Used to Miss Him, But My Aim Is Improving."
"stop thinking you are a
"stop thinking you are a broken person or that something is wrong with you." Wow. Yep, you are absolutely right. I have low self-esteem and don't trust my own judgment and then end up in situations I'm not happy in. Then when I end them, I feel bad, like I missed something. Exhausting. Thank you.
Try reading (or listening) to
Try reading (or listening) to Codependent No More. I've been halfway through it for a year now, the first few chapters were enough to help me recognize my own habits and patterns and to start changing some of my assumptions.
Also, one thing that just hit me the other day - you know the Love Languages? Like doing, touching, etc etc? That's learned. So how you NEED to show love, or see love, doesn't have to be that way.
I think love is pretty simple. Just enjoying someone else being happy. So it's not so hard to learn to love yourself, just do something you enjoy, and enjoy it. Leave the second-guessing behind - or at least promise yourself to save all the worrying and self-doubt for after dinner. Then if you really want to feel down, take 30 minutes.
There's nothing wrong with feeling bad. Just be wary of ascribing any kind of 'permanent' reason to it... probably you're terrific but having a temporary 'moment'.