Well-Teddy is not doing well
Medusa‘s grandmother, Teddy, made it through the surgery just fine, but today she had a heart attack.
She is comatose and completely unresponsive. At this very moment they are trying to stabilize her enough to move her from the small town hospital to a much larger hospital in the city.
Tonight, DH and I will be having a very serious conversation about how we will handle the situation. We both know that the skids will want to go and see her, and to the funeral if that’s what’s in the future, and we need to figure out how to handle the medusa situation.
I knew this day would come, but I was really hoping it wouldn’t come until the skids were all adults.
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How do the kids feel about
How do the kids feel about Medusa? How do you think they will react when they see her? Do you think they would approach each other at the funeral/hospital? What is the likelihood that DH could contact BM and schedule a time she WON'T be there (I'm assuming you're laughing at that question)?
I don't envy you in this. I'm dreading a few parental funerals in the (distant) future due to step/ex related BS.
It's very hard to say how
It's very hard to say how they feel about her. They haven't spoken to or seen her in almost 6 years. They never talk about it, DH never asks them how they feel and I have stepped out of the whole situation.
Working in our favor is the fact that she doesn't speak to her sisters, her dad or her SM. There are some members of the family who we think are still in contact with her, but can't say for sure. DH has decided that it's best if he makes sure the skids stay on the side of the room where the folks she doesn't speak to would be sitting. He also has decided that if Medusa approaches the skids, he will tell her that it would not be the appropriate time or place, but Medusa has no respect for boundaries, so I hardly think that would stop her.
There is no way that DH would ever contact her about anything, so a phone call to coordinate won't be happening.
So sorry. I hope the transfer
So sorry. I hope the transfer to the bigger hospital goes smoothly.
Big hugs
So far so good - she made it
So far so good - she made it to the other hospital last night. One of Medusa's half sisters (nope, Medusa doesn't have any contact with her) is very close to DH, me and the skids. She has been keeping DH apprised of what's happening.
I suspect she will be giving DH some more information later on this morning.
Poor kids, another waste of
Poor kids, another waste of skin.
My mother and her younger
My mother and her younger brother have been at odds for years... he hadn't seen or spoken to my grandmother (his mother) in about 10 years when she passed away. He also hadn't seen his father in a few years when he was dying in palliative care from cancer.
While my grandfather was in the hospital, my uncle requested some private time for a visit - there was some explanation of basic family dynamics, and he was able to visit his father without having to see my mother and grandmother.
After my grandmother passed away, he put in a request at the funeral home, to have a private visit by him to see her and say his goodbyes. The rest of the family never had to see him.
Maybe your DH can put a request in at the funeral home (when the time comes), explained they are estranged from the family but wish to have a moment to pay their respects... they might work with you in making an appointment for a viewing, especially if it can prevent them from having to do damage control on some drama.
i actually agree that this
i actually agree that this may be an option. maybe the funeral home can ok a few members of medusa's family be present (like her dad and SM, maybe a few other relatives that are estranged from medusa) so the kids can say their goodbyes to teddy and give their condolences to their grandfather and his wife. also too, it'll ensure that the family members who matter know that the kids were there and your dh was not witholding. if they're doing a graveside service, maybe he can take the kids after, so they can see their great-g-ma's final resting place for closure.
Well, Medusa doesn't fall far
Well, Medusa doesn't fall far from the drama tree, so I imagine MedusaDad will want his grandchildren there with him as he mourns. And, you know DH, he would totally give in to that.
MedusaDad would never agree to NOT be the center of attention.
When Medusa's mom died a few months ago, the skids asked to go to the funeral, and DH said no. He took them to the cemetery a while back. I don't know why he isn't thinking the same thing here, but it's certainly what I would do.
thank you, that's an
thank you, that's an excellent idea. I have a feeling the skids would like to see their cousins at the funeral, but I will definitely raise this issue with DH.
A scene at the funeral or
A scene at the funeral or even in the hospital room is what DH is most afraid of. It would be totally like Medusa to put the skids in an awkward situation and make everything about her. That's what narcs do.
As I remember Medusa has
As I remember Medusa has chosen to not contact the kids herself in the last 6 years right? Plus the fact that she hid from her Dad and stepmom the other day. I think there is a good chance that she is dreading being confronted by the kids and your husband (perhaps other family members too) and will make efforts of her own to avoid everyone. I hope it turns out that way. I am sorry that you are all having to deal with this, and am hoping for the best for Teddy,
I think dread might be too
I think dread might be too strong a word.
Do I think she would approach the skids? You bet I do, so does DH.
but yes, the no contact has been her decision, although the Judge has removed her parenting time based on her refusal to see the skids.
I think she will show up, stand on the side of the room with the family members to whom she speaks (DH tells me it's like one aunt and a few cousins) and try to get the skids to come over to her. It's gonna be a mess, no doubt about it. DH's biggest concern is that the skids will want to go and talk to Medusa.
I am hoping for the best for Teddy, too. I really like the tough old bird