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This man done lost his cotton picken mind!

VNichol's picture

26 is the number of times Meth mom called yesterday from the county JAIL. All were collect and all were not answered. Come on 26.........yes I know he has nothing else to do while there. Where were the 26 FREE calls to her son when she was out of jail. She knew she was going to get caught why not use your free time wisely. I guess she was getting high on meth....... 

So lastnight I noticed all the calls from her and I seen calls from her mom to my BF. Then I decided to see if there were text. Well there was.......... 

3/18/19"I will put money on the phone card as soon as I can." 

That was sent to her sister. I don't care if he talks to her mom, that's SS grandmother or the sister. I'm not mad that he spoke with them. I am mad at the fact that he told the sister that he will put money towards her calls while in jail. 

I noticed on the 19th that BF was being supper sweet and loving to me. I called him on it and asked,"What did you do? Why you being super sweet to me? What's going on, talk to me!" He denied any wrong doing. So I trusted him and took his word. Like I stated before, I was turning off his phone from being connected to the TV and at that moment decided to look at the content. 

Hi, my name is V and I'm a phone checker because I have trust issues.......LMAO  We both have access to each other's phones. I look on it because he does NOT communicate with me. I have asked and asked for him to talk to me about anything pertaining to her. Its OK for me to play the role of mommy but when it comes to knowing her business I am in the wrong...... NOPE! I take care of SS as my own I have the right to know! My problem is with BF putting any money towards her PERIOD. When BF is short on a bill or is low on cash I PAY FOR IT!  I'm NOT coming out of pocket for anything because he payed for phone privelages for hie ex wife. I had to explain to him, the money you use for anything to go towards her, you are taking away money from your son. 

I think I do Plenty for her by buying what SS NEEDS and occasional WANTS. I help raise him, not her! This man really lost his damn mind !!!!!



notsurehowtodeal's picture

He has lost his mind. I'm guessing he never contacted the jail about her excessive calls? Now you know why. He may not be answering the calls, but he isn't doing anything to make them stop. On some level he is ok with the calls.

If I were you, DH giving BM money so she can make calls from jail, many of which are coming to him, would be a hill to die on. Unless he can give you an answer you can live with, I'd consider something drastic - like moving out for a few days. He needs to understand how important this is to you.

And for sure you need to stop giving him money when he is "short." If he can give BM money while she is in jail, he can darn sure pay for his own expenses.

This just makes me angry for you.

VNichol's picture

He hasn't spent any money or put the money on the phone card for jail. Him considering it is an US decision. Just like we sat down and talked bout it. Phone call calls once a month would be OK as long as it's NOT collect. The calls are blocked on the device. It don't ring just lets us know when she called "autoreject"

Yeah I didn't even think her would consider this....

I already moved out when we had our last bow out about the same damn thing non communication. 

Silence is a scary thing in my


lieutenant_dad's picture

This is my new question to everyone who posts something like this:

Now that you acknowledge the issue, what are you going to do about it?

You know this goes deeper than SO giving BM money. This is a fundamental trust issue built on your SO's inability to communicate. It is to the point that he outright lies to you and you choose to invade his personal space to get answers.

If you do nothing, this cycle continues. If you handle it poorly, he just gets sneakier. So what do you think would get the message across that this is flat-out not okay and cannot happen again (assuming you want this to be fixed)?

CLove's picture

of gas a few blocks from her apartment, in the morning, asked DH to turn around from work to help her, then sat on her a$$ all day in the apartment waiting for him to get off work, then he actually WENT with gas to bail her out, I did not have any sexual desire for the 3 days after. No enthusiasm. No joy from me. He told her her cant do that anymore and her only response was "I would do it for you, if it hapened to you". F@ck that. I was mad, went on a rant, and then nothing from me.

If it happens again, its me leaving the home. No rant. Just gone, for a week. To see how I feel about him after that. Ive though about leaving many times, because of her presence in our lives, through munchkin, and also Toxic Feral..So I am saving my money, squirreling it away, for the future.

VNichol's picture

I don't know, Ive tried everything from silent treatment, not getting angry and trying to understand his POV, I've left for a month ....... What else I left but to call it quits? I love them so much

lieutenant_dad's picture

Love isn't always enough. Victims of abuse love their abusers; does that mean they should stay with them? What about habitual cheaters? Money mismanagers? Jobless sods?

Love is an emotion. A relationship requires action. He isn't acting in a way that promotes a healthy relationship with you. In return, you aren't acting in a way that promotes a healthy relationship with him.

You could try counseling if this bothers you enough that you might leave. Or you can suck it up and deal with it (not what I would want to do, but maybe you can/want to). Or you can leave.

Outside of those three options, I don't have any ideas for you. I'm sorry that those aren't great options. However, no matter how much you fight and beg and plead, it's on HIM to decide if he wants to change. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, and you can't stop him from doing something he wants to do. All you can do is decide if you can live with how he decides to conduct himself.

VNichol's picture

I haven't seen him since Wednesday although we live together. He works 1st shift and I 2nd shift so we cross paths briefly early AM and PM. So we really haven't talked much the past few days. I'll talk to him tonight if he is awake. I'm still not sure what ima say but I'm going to try my best not to blow up. There needs to be a talk not argument.