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SD is going to be uncomfortable

Ursula's picture

SD came back here yesterday from BMs.  She told me that BM called my husband a "little bitch" for not helping her pay her gynmastics.  BM signed SD up for a gymnastics class the same place I signed my DD up and in the class right before hers.  SD says I don't want to watch DD do her gymnastics class, and I don't want her to be watching me.  Wtf?  She says it's going to make her uncomfortable.  I am seriously so sick of this BS.  SD wasn't even supposed to be doing gymnastics.  BM was going to sign her up for softball but after learning that I signed my daughter up for gymnastics SD decided she wanted that too.  

Now I feel like I'm not even going to enjoy watching my daughter because I'm going to be seeing BM there every week and it sucks.  I'm just so tired of this.  


Gimlet's picture

((hugs)) Ursula.  This has to be just plain exhausting.

I know it's a tall order, but don't let BM and SD steal your and DD's joy.  That is off limits and they can't have it.  You have every right to be there and to be happy to watch your DD. 

People wonder why some stepparents look at their stepkid(s) and just wish they would go away and it's the inescapable insanity they bring with them. 

Ursula's picture

Thank you.  I know you're right.  BM just makes me so nervous.  She has no problem making a scene in public and I don't want to end up embarassed.  Maybe I just need to have a drink or two before the class lol.

You're exactly right.  All the crap that comes along with SD makes so many things unenjoyable.  

AgedOut's picture

imitation is flattery. Remember, she is copying you because she is jealous and insecure. You hold that head high, make friends with the parents of the kiddos in your daughter's class. Learn their names, greet them, enjoy being a proud Mama. You have no reason to feel anything other than pride. Look SD in the eye when she makes her snide comments and say "enjoy yourself dear. don't worry about us" and turn away with a smile. Let her rudeness fall on deaf ears. 

Ursula's picture

Thank you for the kind words and advice.  I've honestly tried so hard to be nice and welcoming to SD and I feel like in return she's just a rude, smaller version of her mom.  It's sickening.

AgedOut's picture

ignore her. Focus on the reason you're there, your child. Let her and her mom be rude by themselves. Say a greeting if you need to "hello dear." then go chat up the other parents and leave the rude ones to their rudeness. 

JRI's picture

AgedOut is right, it's imitation, the highest form of flattery.  I experienced this type of "flattery", too, but its not fun.  I agree that it won't last, especially since BM is paying for it all.  Try to ignore them but I know that's hard.

Lifer33's picture

But could you let the dance class people know what's going on, perhaps they'd suggest to bm that she takes her daughter elsewhere?

I don't understand why she'd even do that, as you said you're going to watch and enjoy your children's development, why would you want to ruin that and make it so uncomfortable, the strange woman 

Ursula's picture

I swear I think she did it on purpose.  There were classes during the week on her parenting time only that were options.  But she picked a weekend option knowing that our DD was going there (SD told me that she told BM about SDs class).  That's another thing I hate, why does SD have to tell her mom everything?? Did she really need to tell BM about my daughters gymnastics class??

advice.only2's picture

I had a similar situation between Spawn and my BD. I pretty much just learned to ignore the comments and enjoyed watching my daughter learn a new skill. Spawn did everything she could to make it all about her, but I just ignored and focused on my child and what she was doing.

tog redux's picture

Well, at least it's not the same class. They should be leaving just as you are getting there. Don't let BM spoil your fun, and just ignore her entirely if you see her there. This is just a case of "anything you can do I can do better".

She'll get sick of paying for it on her own and drop out. Especially if she can't get a reaction out of you or DH.

Ursula's picture

This is my thought.  BM is not going to keep SD in the class year round.  She has already told my husband many times they don't do fall sports so I expect at the latest this will sputter out after summer.  Fingers crosses.

MissK03's picture

Don't let BM make you nervous. If she wants to cause a scene in public that's on her to make a fool of herself. You are there for YOUR daughter. Not for her insane antics. 

When the boys played football we were "cool" at the time so I would sit with BM. I would be slightly embarrassed sitting with her and husband because they would be decked out in Harley gear. It's like... ehh your at your kids game. She only attended games on her weekends. (Back in the day when she did take the skids EOWE) 

Then when things went south and SD was playing basketball (3 years) I would sit on one side of the court and her the other. She would miss on average 3/4 games per season so I had to be the one there for SD. I was leaving work early to bring her and attend. SO couldn't make it to many of her games because of work. 

Now, at the end of the game I would have SD say hi/bye to her and then bring her home after. I would never let her make me feel nervous though. No one makes me feel nervous. If anything she was intimidated by me. I do think she tried to show me up with how she dressed. Which is honestly comical. 10am games with thigh high (not knee THIGH) heeled boots on that laced in the back.. she has them in every color... i would laugh to myself like where are going BM?!! LOL. Half the time we would be sitting on the floor in the aux gym too.

F this lady and her craziness. Don't let her steal shine from enjoying your daughters classes. 

Ignore the b*itch. 

Ursula's picture

Thank you for the advice.  I really don't want to let her take away from the happiness of watching DD do gymnastics.  I'm just going to do my best to pretend that she isn't there and not even look in her direction.  

Harry's picture

SD and BM are not going away.   You must stand your ground.  Who cares what SD saids , or wants.  
You want DD to do Gymnastics,  let's her do it and you have a good time. Just stay away from BM. 

BM is not your friend, she is trying to insert her control,  She wants to control you, your DD life.   You must stop this now.  You take control. You set the tone .   Make sure you tell DD what a great job she did. have a little gift for DD after she finishes,  a nice drink like  Gatorade to keep her energy up. An energy bar, just to rub it in to BM.  Tell her you are stopping for  hamburger, pizza, on the way home.  It's like a party for two. Because DD is just doing so well. 
Nothing for SD  

Ursula's picture

That's a good idea.  I definitely need to make sure BM knows she is completely irrelevant to our lives.  If my DD likes gymnastics I plan to keep her in it long term.  I am fairly positive this will be a short term thing for SD.  She is not at all athletic or coordinated and BM isn't going to want to continue paying for it, or taking the time to take SD.

ESMOD's picture

If you feel you have to respond to SD I would probably try to keep it simple and factual.

for the LB comment about not paying for gymnastice.  "He paid half of your softball.. that was the deal"

For the "I don't wanna watch DD/ don't want her to watch me".  Well, I guess you better make sure your mom doesn't drop you off early since she decided to put you in the class right before DD... and I can be fairly certain that DD doesn't have any interest in watching you either.. so don't worry about that.  Guess part of learning a new sport is that other people will be looking at you though.. and gymnastics is a solo sport.. so if you aren't ok with that. you might want to let your mom know she is wasting her"

Ursula's picture

I told her that if she's going to be uncomfortable with people watching her gymnastics is not the sport for her.  I told her it's a gym with a plastic wall and everyone is watching from the other side.  She said that was fine, she just doesn't want DD watching.  I rolled my eyes so hard.

Survivingstephell's picture

Well then, the pressure is on to be good at this then.  SD up to the challenge???  People looking at her will depend on how she does.  Point that out in a casual way.  Plant that seed.  If she does poorly they will watch, if she's outstanding they will watch.  If she's trying something new, they watch.  Psyche her out with facts.