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BM actually being nice?

Ursula's picture

Well this is shocking.  My husband told BM no about the whole beach plan, he said he couldn't switch days.  Then BM asked if it would be possible for her to just pick SD up at the beach and keep her for the week since he couldn't switch days.  He told BM that didn't work for him, and she was actually nice about it.  She said things like thanks anyway, and explained that she was offered a last minute free trip to the beach and was trying to include SD in their family vacation.  I was sure she would cuss him out and call him all kinds of names and she didn't.   And it actually makes me feel kind of bad.

And then I'm like wait, this is the same woman that a couple months ago "congratulated" my husband on being laid off due to covid and told SD that her dad got "fired" even though he was laid off.  She didn't even have the courtesy to let my husband tell SD about what happened at his job.  She has cost our family so much money in unneccessary legal fees due to making up lies to keep child support high.  The list goes on and on.  

My husband said if BM continues to be reasonable moving forward he wouldn't have an issue with being flexible with her, but for now he isn't willing to do that.  I think that's a good plan.  Maybe she started taking meds or something, who knows.  This is definitely not like her at all. So weird.



Thisisnotus's picture

Seems normal for crazy BMs. BM here is mostly bat shit crazy and then one day she is all please and thank you. She's on meds and an alcoholic so I guess it makes sense.

Ursula's picture

Lol, yea maybe it is the norm!  It's just weird in our situation because I cannot recall one time of her actually being nice or reasonable.  Even in the past when she has asked my husband for favors there's never a please included or a thank you if he obliged her. 

ICanMakeIt's picture

it's a set up. Either way she wins. She either gets her way if your DH had caved to her desire, OR she goes without SD and shows her all the pics and makes your DH out to be the bad guy that SD missed out. 

Been there, lived that...keep on doing what he's doing...never give her an inch. 

Ursula's picture

Good thought!  She probably will manipulate SD into blaming my husband for her missing out on their "family" vacation.  

Simpleton21's picture

Yeah, these women are never actually genuinely nice or pleasant.  Any time DH says BM is being nice I am leary of it.  It is the calm before the next storm.  Some sort of mind game/manipulation they are getting ready to rev up!  I agree with the other poster.  She's being nice now but will tell SD what a bad dad your DH is and how awful he denied SD of this wonderful trip!

advice.only2's picture

Sure she was offered a last minute free trip to the beach. She will just start texting SD while you are on your vacation and "show up" in the same place, oh my what a coincidence.

Ursula's picture

Thankfully SD does not have a cell phone yet so she can't do that.  Otherwise I'm sure that would happen.

Iamwoman's picture

Don't believe it!

People who are ugly on the inside like HCBMs are only "nice" when they have a trick up their sleeve.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Please stay vigilant.  Our BM played nice last week.  It was time for DH to pick up SD14.  BM begged him to let her stay for a few more days so she could spend her birthday there.  Then when he actually was flexible, she went to the courts, filed an emergency custody order and alleged a ton of mad up abuse.  We had the hearing yesterday. Luckily, the judge saw through it and denied the motion.   These crazy BMs are only nice when they are plotting something.  It never lasts long.

simifan's picture

She'll be telling SD Dad won't let her go to the beach and all the fun she'll miss, I'm sure. 


The BM I dealt with was only nice when she was pregnant. 

thiscantbenormal's picture

Anytime BM was nice meant we would be hearing from CPS soon or she was filing another emergency custody order.

lieutenant_dad's picture

It's a tactic, not a change. Notice how she didn't lead any of these conversations with "hey, won a free trip and would like to include SD, is it possible that we can work something out?" No, that bit was delivered at the end, likely as a last-ditch effort to make DH sad for SD, AND so she can go fake-cry to SD that Daddy was "mean" even though she was "nice". 

Been there, done that. BM used to yell and scream at DH when she wouldn't get her way. Then she switched tactics and would talk about how unfortunate it was for the boys because they "really wanted to go". Then she finally switched to "the boys wanted me to ask you...", and then that stopped working (because DH started expecting the boys to ask their own questions), she would "prompt" them to ask. That has now backfired with OSS, because when she leads with those questions, OSS says "I didn't say I wanted to ask, I just wasn't opposed to the thing if it happened" or something similar.

As SKs age, the tactics switch. Once kids are old enough to start forming opinions and potentially won't flat-out lie (or will accidentally tell the truth), the old yelling and screaming doesn't work as well.