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I'm done with this BS

Unhappy's picture

Have any of you pointed things out to your SOs, DHs, or DWs and nothing happens? Or maybe they try but they just can't seem to notice bad behavior such as a 5 or 7 year old child screaming at them? How anybody can't see that is beyond me. Have you ever heard the excuse of it's just gone on this way for so long that I don't even notice when it's happening? Or could you point it out to me next time so I can do something about it? Yay. (That's what I want to look like the bad guy.) How about I have such had time punishing my youngest because he's the littlest out of all of the kids?

I am fed up with BS escuses of why it's okay to rectify a situation or correct bad behavior. I am sick of things having to get so out of hand before an actual punishment will be implimented. I though, and I might be crazy here, that you correct the behavior when it happens in order to prevent it from happening again.

Here's an example of what I am talking about. I've told SO for over a year now that he shouldn't let his BD(7) scream at him, argue with him, and treat him disrespectfully and that she should be punished, with an actual punishment not a time out for doing so. This little girl has treated him like this since before I came into the picture. DH doesn't listen. SD treats her grand parents the same way that she treats her father in front of DH and now we are going to go to an actual punishment to fix the behavior.

SD(7) has been threatening me in order to bullie me into doing things for her. I tell DH that this will not be tolerated and that the next time she does it I am going to buy the uglyest school uniforms that I can find remove all of her clothing from her closet and she can wear those all week long as a punishment. Of course DH thinks that I'm being to harsh. I also think that when she deliberately breaks a rule just because she can and nobody is around that she loses her movie and goes to bed early. Again, DH thinks I'm being to harsh.

I am failing to see how threatening an adult and blantantly disobeying rules is not disrespecting an adult and I'll be damned if a 7 year is going to threaten me. But of course DH is going to take his usual approach of It's not that bad until things get really out of control and then he'll want to do something about it. Case in point, her complete disrespect to her grand parents, which by the way was completely imbarassing.

What the hell is wrong with people that they think that the bad behavior is just going to go away one day and it's just a phase. And how could anyone allow a child to yell at them and not correct it and then claim they didn't notice because their kids have been doing it to them for so long. Why wasn't this bahavior corrected when it first started instead of becoming so routine that they just don't notice it anymore?

I'm just done with it. I am going to disengage from the situation. Not because of the kids but because of the fact that I will not participate in this style of parenting and having to be the one who is like DH, your kid probably shouldn't do that and DH your kid probably shouldn't yell at you, call you names, argue with you, ignore your requests to have something done and make you ask multiple times.DH you shouldn't have to yell at your kids just to get them to listen to you and this list can go on and on and on just to be ignored with some BS excuse of why he just can't manage to step up to the plate. I already have a child to parent who doesn't act that way. Obviously I have done something right. I have never seen her lay a hand on another child and the few times she has tried to test the boundaries with me she receives a clear message of exactly where her place is, which is in kid status. All of her teachers have loved her and say that she is a great student and she interacts with the other kids in her class very well has lots of friends.


Unhappy's picture

Oh and I forgot my personal favorite:

DH your the adult you shouldn't argue with a 5 or 7 year old child. You can take control of the situation because they're just children and you are their father.

Unhappy's picture

Ha. That's funny newwife3 but still wouldn't work. I would have to deal with DH being mad and then deal with the BM which I wouldn't wish on anybody.

I just don't see what's so hard about setting up clear expectations of what behavior is acceptable and what behavior is not and then have actual consequences for the unacceptable behavior that work.

And I really don't see a point in arguing with a child. It only shows them that they have a a right to challeng authority and I don't see how someone can manage to miss a child yelling at them. And I don't think screaming at a child in order to get them to listen is a good way to parent.

Unhappy's picture

It's not that he's not doing anything. It's that he has let this behavior go on for so long he has developed an immunity to where he just doesn't see it. Case in point yesterday morning with SS. Wouldn't listen to me. Wouldn't listen to DH. Wasn't being nice. I was the one who had to jump in right in front of DH and be like okay. I'm over this behavior. You lost your movie in bed and you're going to bed early. That's what I'm talking about. And then if I bring it up like I did yesterday I get the, "it's just hard for me to punish him because he's the littlest" excuse. Then he pulls the you swatted your BD on the butt like a month ago comment. I don't even know where that one came from. I was like yep I did swat her on the butt. She was having a full on melt down jumping up and down in her room and I couldn't even get a word in to get her calmed down. So I swatted her once on the bottom which is not something that I typically do. Guess what happened. She stopped immediately and looked at me with this look of shock and I haven't had to deal with a temper tantrum since. Look DH. I showed my BD that behavior was not going to be tolerated and it worked. Holy crap. I just didn't walk into her room and start screaming at her to shut up and I didn't come up with some BS excuse as to why I didn't do anything to correct the behavior.

So you mean to tell me that because he's the youngest and it's so hard to punish him that we don't correct bad behavior and hope that it just goes away? Let's how well that worked with SS's older sister. Yay, no didn't work good at all seeing as how she's done some pretty insane things since I've known DH.

mommabear's picture

**Or could you point it out to me next time so I can do something about it? Yay. (That's what I want to look like the bad guy.) How about I have such had time punishing my youngest because he's the littlest out of all of the kids?**

Yep - I hear the former on a regular basis(I had no idea I married such an idiot sometimes!), but on the one occasion i heard the latter, it went more like this, "I just have such a hard time punishing him because he is MY BABY" (speaking of SS5, as I am holding OUR DS8months... really MF'er...your BABY? Well your 'BABY' just KICKED MY BABY IN THE FACE...because 'he was in my way and I couldn't see the TV' (the TV that is secured to the wall @ approx 6')... Seriously, I could have spit in his face...but more than anything I was so hurt...and he was serious... he totally let SS5 get away with kicking my infant in the face...with his shoes on... so hard he did a back sommersalt...I can't remember a time in my life that I have ever wanted to HURT a child, until that moment... and I still feel heat come over me when I think about it (it was only about 6 months ago)...he is an EVIL little child.

LizzieA's picture

If your SO doesn't deal with it now, he's going to have hell to pay when they are teens. My SD was difficult from an early age, bossing adults around, etc. She is a bi-polar rager now, been arrested for fighting, a bully, can't keep relationships going because of her abuse, etc.