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SD14 and what awaits my future…I'm actually scared...

Unfreakingreal's picture

10pm, SD14 is sending multiple texts to DH, who has been sleeping since 8pm because he gets up for work at 1:30am.
I am in the guest room watching tv (we don't have a tv in our bedroom) and I am browsing Pinterest for nursery ideas on the iPad. SDs texts are popping up on the iPad, because the 2 devices are linked.
So I pick up my phone and decide to text SD back. Convo went like this:
Me: You know your dad goes to sleep at 8pm, what's going on & why are you texting at this time?
SD: forgot.
Me: Ok what's up, what's going on.
SD: Mom isn't letting me hang out with my BFF tomorrow so I said ok, can I go to dads house Thursday and she was like NO you only wanna go because your mad and I told her I was gonna ask anyways.
Me: So, let me get this straight, your mom won't let you HANG OUT and do what you want, so you want to come over here instead?
SD: No that's what she thinks but I was thinking about going over there early anyways.
Me: But you're only asking to come NOW because she refused to let you hang out.
SD: I was gonna ask dad anyway, I swear.
Me: Well, he's sleeping, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow and let you know what he decides.
SD; Ok, thanks.

Now…Here is my issue. This girl is already using manipulation tactics. We've all seen them before. The grass is greener, until it isn't. From experience, I know that when things don't go well at OUR house, she will call her mommy and use the same technique on her that she's using on us. How DH handles this this week, will determine MANY things about how my future will look like when this girl moves in with us full time.
He already informed me that he intends to file paperwork with the NY courts on March 2nd so that he can get custody of SD as soon as school is over. He wants her with us as soon as the school year ends.
When we discussed the arrangement, I told him flat out that I had warned SD about the rules in OUR house and that I hope she is FULLY aware that her "EOW" visits are nothing like REALITY in our home. His answer? "Don't try to scare her away please." :jawdrop:
Scare her?!?!? REALLY?!?!? Telling your daughter that there are RULES here and that routines must be followed is going to scare her away?
Sighs…I'm in for, at the very least, another 3 years of SHIT folks. I'm NOT looking forward to it AT ALL.

Oh and just for kicks, SD ALSO told me a few weeks ago that she wants to live with us so she can get her license because she wants to learn how to drive. I just looked at her and giggled and walked away. (She TRULY thinks we are buying her a car.) Oh lawd, save me Jesus!

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

YEs LadyFace, she wants to move in because she knows her chances and opportunities in our home are WAY better than if she stays with BM. The caveat is that she ALSO thinks that she will be running shit in our home because she KNOWS that her Dad would go to the moon and back for her. However, I am HOPING, that he realizes the mistakes that he made with SS22 and that he learned from them and doesn't repeat them with her. One can dream right? BLAH…..

Unfreakingreal's picture

Her mom is actually horrible. I co-sign him getting custody for the SOLE purpose of giving this girl a chance in hell of at least graduating HS and going to college. HOWEVER, I've already been down this road with SS22 and while we are in a good place NOW, we were NOT in a good place when I kicked his ass out of our house in 2013. DH is a Disney Dad and I highly doubt things will be any different with his Princess.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Foreverstacey - I too am afraid that it will be too much for me. BS17 leaves for college last week of July so it'll be one out, one in. I am just bracing myself for impact. I have decided to sign up GB for swimming lessons so I can at least leave the house on Saturdays with the baby and let him deal with his kid. I will become VERY resourceful when it comes to keeping myself busy and out of their hair.

Unfreakingreal's picture

I won't run. My DH is a beautiful person, but a God awful parent. He means well, but he lacks backbone.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Yeah, if they haven't destroyed it yet, I doubt they can. I'm pretty strong, but I won't lie. I'm worried. I know this little girl like the palm of my hand and she is VERY manipulative and the thing is that she KNOWS I'm onto her so she tries to outwit me. It'll never happen of course, but I'm kinda tired of playing Chutes and Ladders with fucking kids that aren't mine!

Justme54's picture

What is the issue with her living with BM? What does BM think about it? Am sure she thinks she will move in and work daddy around her finger.

Unfreakingreal's picture

BM is PISSED. NOT because she cares about losing SD, but because of what will happen when she loses the CS check she gets from DH every week.
She is pretty sure she will come in and run circles around DH and myself. But she has NO idea how much power I have in my home. It will be a VERY rude awakening for her.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Raindancer - I'm the bad guy at our house too. I've actually embraced the role. Why fight it? I want it done, you won't make it happen, so I will. End of story.

zerostepdrama's picture

OMG I just read the blog where she asked to live with you guys.

Are you worried about how this will affect your marriage? Will it affect it?

Our counseler told us if YSD ever lived with us it would probably be the end of our marriage.

Oh man oh man, I am scared for you!

Teenagers suck. Teenage girls suck worse. Step daughters suck. Spoiled, rotten, princess. Daddy's girl. Oh my oh my. Sorry I just have really bad thoughts about this. My own projection of course.

Unfreakingreal's picture

SweetPea - SS was lazy. Couldn't hold a job, flunked out of college in his first semester, stank, wouldn't bathe, his room was disgusting. When I'd had enough, I kicked him out on Father's Day. He didn't talk to his dad for an entire year. Until he realized that I did him a HUGE favor.
He later apologized to both of us and we are good with him again. he is turning his life around slowly. SD however, is a WHOLE different animal. She is her mothers daughter and her mother is RATCHET!!!!

Unfreakingreal's picture

SweetPea - what are my choices? I can lay down and die OR I can keep it moving. What I do need is a brand new fucking resume. I need to quit my damn job!!!!! I HATE IT HERE!!!!! Once THAT aspect of my life is all squared away, I'm sure there is nothing I can't take on.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Zero - yes, I'm worried about my marriage. Yes, I'm pretty sure it will affect it.

However, I know in my heart of hearts that I owe it to my husband to TRY and help him, help his daughter.
He has been an AWESOME Stepdad to my BS and he's been an enormous support system with all this grand baby shit. So I can't just say to him "hey, thanks for being there for me but fuck that, she can't come here or I'm out."

I do know that I have to be ready to make some seriously hard calls when and if the shit hits the fan. So….my plan is the following. I will pretend that he is still paying CS and have that amount taken directly out of his check and funneled into our savings account.

We have no savings because of all these damn kids coming in and out of our lives and making our lives a living hell, so I'm going to start padding our account and if things gets bad, well, I'll choose me. For once in my life, I will choose me.

DaizyDuke's picture

Ohno!!! This is almost EXCACLTY what happened with SD16. When she was 14, DH conned her into coming to live with us. He was so concerned that she "feel welcome", that he poo pooed her, let everything she did (or didn't do) slide, refused to have a sit down upon her arrival to outline rules/expectations etc... and you know how this story ended. It ended BADLY.

Why do these men get it in their heads that rules, routines, etc are a BAD thing???? :?

Unfreakingreal's picture

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I even asked myself, "God, is this my purpose? To clean up peoples messes? Is that all I'm meant for?" It doesn't seem fair does it.
The good news is that tho sis the LAST one. Unless of course 10 years from now GB lands at my doorstep too. Good lord...

AllySkoo's picture

Let her come early and then have he help you with chores around the house that day. DH will get to say "yes" and you'll make the point that escaping BM does not mean Vacation Time. (It's best if the chores are things she's doing WITH you - harder for DH to argue she shouldn't have to do XYZ if YOU are doing XYZ, you know? "What, she's too good to mop the floors, but your WIFE isn't??? You think I don't have other things I'd rather be doing too?? What am I, your maid?!?! Grab a mop and join us, buddy!")

Unfreakingreal's picture

I intend to. As a matter of fact, I have to take BS on one last college visit Friday. I will wake her ass up at 6:30am and take her ass with me. She's not staying home alone while DH is at work and I'm off in Upstate NY. Forget that.

Unfreakingreal's picture

It'll be easy. Her grades suck, her attendance sucks, her mother is unemployed. She doesn't have a bed, doesn't have her own room, we have the track record with SS's HS transformation to help his case. He'll win. I'm 100% sure of it.

Unfreakingreal's picture

SS thinks DH should take SD too. There's a lot of stuff going against BM. SD doesn't even sleep at home 3 nights a week, she sleeps at a friends house. If I was BM, I'd let the kid go, she has a better chance with us. However, if I want to keep my sanity, I know this is a BAD idea and it is going to suck balls.

Unfreakingreal's picture

I already told Dh she is going on BC immediately. He just stared at me. However, I do believe she is still a V. I see little sprinkles of innocence in her still, it is that tiny piece of her that DH is trying to save. I can't say that I blame him.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Oh UFR - been there done that !

She showed you her hand when she said she wasn't allowed to see her BFF ~ n she text DH to reverse that idea ~ enter Disney Dad mode. Your comment about talking to DH first was great ~ but then she back peddled. " I was gonna see if I could come over anyway "
This is classic "use job" ~ no truth in that statement.

I have seen many a manipulation from Veruca but girl ~ I see through the shit screen. I don't have stupid written on my forehead. Our house is different ~ I won't be snowed.

I wonder if judge will let her live w you guys ~ BM loses CS we know it's all about the almighty dollar. SS was easy cause it was one ~ she was still getting the CS.

Stand your ground ~ you are a very strong woman.