Today she crossed the line....
I don't know how many of you read my last blog - about me moving out...
FH and I have decided to kind of switch back and forth from out parents houses to relieve tension. The tension is so strong with his mother and I you could cut it with a knife. She has referenced the situation (saturday - read last blog) to several family members who have all been on my side...after all - if the kids go to school and say the things they hear from her - FH and I will get blamed for it - regardless if we have asked her over and over to watch her language around the girls and try to watch what she says in general (everything that comes out of this women's mouth is trash and offensive - racial slurs, belitting everyone around her - you get the hint)...
I cannot sit down and talk with her. She flips out. When you are in her house it's her way or the highway (which is the road I have taken)...
FH and I have everything working against us...other than our own personal intimate relationship/ we are also Best friends - nothing can tear that apart but things have to change ino order for us to stay strong...
Today...we were getting ready to run errands when we hear children in the house...and another women's voice - and we hear his mother saying, "Come get the dooooorrr - it's for you! You'll be so surprised!"
He pokes his head out of the room...IT IS HIS EX/BM AND HER NEPHEW and 5 year old. We are just staring at eachother like WTF? Why did we NOT know she was coming down? We have done everything in the last 6 months to keep this woman OUT of the house. When she comes into the house - she even feels she can walk into our bedroom? WTF? So we have been picking up and dropping off the kids...
We were there for about 10 minutes getting ready and I just stormed passed her...I did not even acknowledge she was there...(It was rude for her to come unnannounced) She does not respect our relationship - even though he does not CARE AT ALL about hers. Then I thought - how do we know FMIL did not call and invite her down for tea? - she used to just call and talk to her forever...my FSIL told me that FMIl did the SAME thing to her before she and FBIL were married (which is why they live an hour away)...she also did the same thing to the BM when she and FH were still together. What is this woman doing? Is it a coincidence that this is happening the same week of our dispute? I THINK SO. Of course I am upset. I wonder how BM's boyfriend would feel if he knew she was chillin' at her ex-inlaws place? He would NOT be happy.
The weird thing is...it KILLED her that I did not even look at her. When we got back 30 minutes later she was sitting at the table - and the kids actually had all of the toys out like they were staying all day. WHY WAS SHE STILL THERE? So - I ran into the bedroom - got my things - he changed into his work clothes - kissed 5 year old goodbye - told her we'd see her Saturday and we ran out the door...but before I left I snuck a peek at BM - she actually looked like she was going to cry...it actually made me feel good that SHE actually saw that FH and I have an amazing relationship that SHE cannot break! We have what they did NOT have! And she saw that today! And IN FMIL's FACE TOO! She actually stooped as low as having BM come down? Thinking that would rattle us? Something needs to give - soooo I called up my future sister in law today - telling her everything - she was laughing so hard because she went through all of this too with that woman...we are planning revenge...we are going to win the game and put a stop to all of this...I will let you know what we are planning laattteeer!
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Your MIL called and invited
Your MIL called and invited BM over? Your joking right? OMG! what a crazy person!
****There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth.**** -THE WIFE
I can't even take it
I can't even take it anymore...to make matters worse - FH seems to think I need to be the one to sit down and talk with her? What is wrong with this picture? He just got off work to see if I was going over to his house...I said no I am staying with my parents tonight - in my own room....he is now all of a sudden taking sides? HERS. When all the while he has been on mine. He is the one that needs to explain to his mother that she needs to respect me because I am not going anywhere. He is making up all of these excuses as to why he can't stay at my house. Not to sound like a snob but my house is 4,000 times nicer and cleaner than his house - and it does not reek of cig. smoke. there's no yelling. my parents work 8797987 week - they are never even here - it's like we'd be living alone if we stayed here. my brothers just pop in occasionally. I don't know what the issue is..other than mommy being upset that he is not staying at her house...GRRRR
Just wondering, how old are
Just wondering, how old are you guys?
I am 25 and he is 31. I am
I am 25 and he is 31. I am a full-time college student and I have a part-time job. I make nothing after paying off my college loans - I graduate in 6 months and I will be making some serious money (I will be the breadwinner) - I am taking over the family business and my grandparents are retiring - so in less than a year - we WILL have a house. He works 50 hours a week and more than half of his pay goes for child support a month...he's broke by the time he brings his very low check home....just in case that is why is seems weird we go back and forth from the parents houses.
What type of parents do you
What type of parents do you have? because I certainly would NOT let my kid(s) come and go as they please. And that thought would have never crossed my mind while I was living with my parents, let alone the thought of allowing it cross theirs.
His mother can be the biggest B@#%T ever, but ultimately its her house, and she can invite who ever she wants and also she gets to dictate what goes on in her house. And which is worse, you have to deal with it if you live there.
If you guys do not want to deal with her bs, move together in a place that is YOURS where you can put as many rules as you'd like.
Now, obviously I'm sure that you guys have that as a goal, and are not dealing with this "living with the parents" situation for pleasure! but it is about time to re-think your priorities, use this time in which you are now in YOUR HOUSE and ask yourself is it worth it? if the answer that you find within yourself is TRULY YES, then go for it, and make some sort of deal in which you guys each one live with the parent(s) until you can get a place of your own, and just deal with the stress and problems that will bring.
In any event, Good Luck!
Read the comment I posted
Read the comment I posted before about why we are in this situation please. My mother told "us" to move in. She could use the help anyway. My parents are amazing people. They understand we are struggling and they want to help as much as they can. They love his children too as their own grandchildren and my mom constantly gives us permission for them to stay here. We are old enough to come and go and I help my family ALOT just like they help me in times like this - and actually with the way my parents work they are NEVER HERE. And our family has had many, many heart breaking tragedies in the last few years - we know the true meaning of family - we don't need hostility in this house. And of course - this is only temporary. NO ONE at our age wants to live with parents. Also, I have moved alot from city to city in the last few years due to school and work - this is a HUGE change for me. I am used to MY OWN apartment. MY OWN SPACE. This is not the type of situation we want to live in - but we're doing the best we can. My main focus is on school right now. And to answer your question - he really is worth it. all of my friends have said, "We really wish he was a terrible jerk we hate- but we all like him so much and you two are so amazing together..." So - yes - this is worth it - it's just trying to work everything out until I graduate.
Obviously if you are with
Obviously if you are with him, and if you are in this message board is because you find a million amazing things about him. Sometimes *he* might be a "great" person, but there are a lot of other things involved, not just personality. When I meant "is it worth it?" It was looking at the bigger picture in an objective manner. Is it worth that he will not tell his mother what perhaps he should have, and maybe your relationship is stressed because of that? Is he ever going to do that?
You mentioned that he doesn't want his mother to be upset, but is that TRULY the reason why he is still there? and if it is truly the reason, then why not put YOU and what you feel first?
You see, how things get a little bit more complicated? again, he might have a charming personality but that is not what I was referring to.
But then again, we all make mistakes, and we all take the wrong choices. Focusing in school is a great thing though, keep it like that.
our mother in laws could
our mother in laws could meet and keep eachother busy. then they can be crazy together and let us the ef alone. I don't doubt that mine is as crazy as yours at all ; ) - you need to share some stories with me - so I KNOW I am NOT alone.
the kids have these little plants they have been watching grow that we got out of the $1.00 bin at Target...they LOVE these things...the plants are growing like crazy and today we had plans to let them paint new vases and then we would replant them - we figured the paint will dry quickly in the warm sun - maybe within an hour or 2 and we have a picnic planned. We thought when the picnic was over - we'd replant. Welp...FMIL decided to FILL up the planters this morning. The plants are ruined and I think what was there was washed down the sink?...we now have to start all over - the kids are going to be upset - we're on our way to get them - I just grabbed new seeds and we are going to start ALLLLL over and then keep the new plants at my mothers down on the farm....I think she did it because she knew we wouldn't be home most of the day? Revenge on us or something? And then instead of saying- sorry I drowned the plants she put them back on the window sil like we wouldn't notice there is no more green - just dirt.