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This isn't your house!!! Venting!!!!! I think...

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

I haven't been here in ages!!! So many new names! Welcome to all! As you can see with my title, I think I made it obvious that I moved into Daddy Dearest home. I moved in SEVEN years ago. I never had an issue with SD17 (10 years old when I moved in) and SS15 (8yo when I moved in about to turn 16 in 3 months) telling me that...until now.

Last summer, SD, 16 at the time got caught sneaking out and drinking alcohol in her room. She couldn't handle the punishment, so she said "Well, if all I am going to be doing is up in my room all summer long, I might as well go to my moms" I was home alone with them while dad was out of town. I asked her if she was sure that she wanted to do that and she said yes. She actually thought she was going to come back after summer vacay was over. She hadn't seen her BM since Feb of 2007. Mommy lost custody, CO'ed to supervised visits ONCE a week at a designated center. Mommy didn't do as she was told and ran away from her problems to another state. Been there going on 6 years. As far as we know, people are looking for her ready to take her to court. Not my business though. Only reason we know is because they call my SO business line that she used as a reference without his knowledge.

So, BM conned/manipulated SD now 17 into staying with her. As far as we know, SD17 went from having her own bedroom with a queen sized bed to sleeping on the COUCH at her grandmothers home where BM has been living at for the past 6 years. While, SD17 goes to school and to work (yay to her for getting a job! Seriously, yay!) BM sits at home with NO JOB. Have no idea where she sleeps. I am assuming she gave up the couch for SD.

SD17 has told SO that she does not like it there. She isn't happy and she misses her room. Supposedly SD and BM hardly talk. They live in a 1100sf home with 2 other adult females. If that is the truth, that must be really uncomfortable. BUT according to SS15, SO misunderstands SD17. She doesn't want to come back. Then why is she telling her dad those things...?

Okay, SD17 and SS15 keep in touch through their cell phones. I can only imagine what they talk about. I know when she first left, he started communicating with his BM. Ladies and gentlemen, there was a reason as to why BM was court ordered supervised visits.

Ever since, he started to talk to his BM, I am now told that "THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE". Simple basic rules that we had, he no longer follows. SO and I are a team, I work from home most days. It is my job to make sure everything is in order in the house and my SO cooks dinner for us. I can't go into "his" room because "This isn't your house" His Xbox that his BM sent him can't be taken away because we didn't buy him that. He now uses his cell phone to tattle-tell on me. He will text message his dad while at work to give him his side of the story and claim he didn't do anything wrong. Excuse me, but fucking up my brand new expensive blender, that I just bought is a reason for me to get upset at you!!! Just an example but true story. He NEVER used to text message his dad.

It annoys the crap out of me that he calls his sister that lives in another state to tattle-tell also. And she then tells BM, giving BM something to talk about. BM used to send emails which she now stopped because she can now talk to SS15. It is nice that SD17 and SS15 keep in touch but does SS15 have to tell her what is going on over here? I mean, what is SD17 going to do about it? Yes I know, the kid is venting to his sister, just like I am doing here. But I know for a fact that they are both talking "shit" about me. What 15 year old boy knows about Gucci? I owned a pair of sunglasses that I bought with my hard earned money a few years ago. After a few years of having them, they went missing. He was throwing it in my face how I go shopping all the time (not true) and how I buy Gucci? WTF! So, I am to sit at home and not buy myself anything?

I am just venting here. SO is out of town and SS15 is being disrespectful and defiant now. Not following a simple rule that he has been breaking for quite sometime. Now, he is using cuss words when being scolded. That is a new one to me. SD17 never had the nerve to do that but obviously he feels he has the right to do it. I HATE teenagers. I really want a drink but I must not have one! Trying to lose weight here!

Comments

oldone's picture

You need to tell him to STFU. Do not pay any attention to what he tells BM, his sister, or your DH.

If your DH is on your side that's all you need. He's trying to throw around his power and someone needs to cut him off at the knees. Be careful though that he does not try to physically attack you when your DH is not there.

If he does one thing to even think about threatening you please call 911 IMMEDIATELY. Seriously. A night or two in "protective custody" might get his attention.

As for the "not your house" crap - after you've told him to STFU inform him that NOTHING belongs to him. If it is in YOUR home you have control. You can ship that xbox back to BM.

I think your DH needs to read him the riot act when he gets home. Threaten to send him to BM too.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

That is exactly what I was thinking about today, that he may try to get physical with me.....I wouldn't put it past him to try that. I had to call SO once SS15 started to run his mouth. I've noticed when daddy isn't at home they take it the next level with me.

The consequence to him breaking the rule, was to take away his Xbox controller and headphones. The kid had the nerve to give me an attitude and rudely question me as to why I was in his room and then that is when he said we can't take away the Xbox because we didn't buy it!SO told me to pack it up and send it back to BMs. It is in my truck right now. Not going to go through the trouble of having to go to the post office and spend money to send it back right now. He has lost his privileges until his dad comes back to town.

Can't threaten with sending him to his BM because he then throws it into our face that we can't handle him. I told SO that he shouldn't send SS15 to BM but let him suffer here with us. Plus, I would hate for the kid to have to share the couch with SD17!

He came home from school today being "nice" Took out the trash for me without me asking and brought in a package that was left at the front door. Lets see how much ass kissing he does...

20 plus's picture

my a-hole SS26 still says stuff like that to me and about me. All I do is shop, this is his "Dad's" house. Funny I remember working full time and buying the house too. They do it to get under your skin. I make a point of talking about buying something ridiculous and expensive when he bothers to grace us with his presence. Since we kicked him off our cell phone plan and car insurance (that he never paid) he is currently not talking to us...oh well I will not have to spend my money on him or his kids and can go shopping for me and his little sister! Oh and of course my DD13 his sister is spoiled and gets everything she wants, blah, blah, blah. He got plenty of vacations and fun stuff growing up because we had custody. Teenagers are jerks sometimes and it is worse if they are steps.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

26 years old and still saying stuff like that?!?! I can totally see my SS15 being that same way at 26 years old...Can't wait!

20 plus's picture

He really is an a$$. Literally asked how much money I waisted at Christmas. He had to have a talk with DH to explain to him that I should not be allowed to "ruin his car" meaning the car I bought and is paid for and has pink flower stickers on it. I have been around for over 20 yrs now and just don't care anymore. SS Thinks he is Mr.Big Shot. My DH has finally realized what SS is and is not happy with him. SS made the mistake of bitching about our DD. DH was and is pissed but I think he is more sad to come to terms his kid is a jerk.

Onefootout's picture

I refused to stay home alone with SS16 when SO went out of town on business. SO wan't happy. Grandparents had to come 1000 miles away to babysit him. SS16 isn't anywhere near as bad as your SS, but I assure you once dad is out of the picture, he would make a point of not minding me.

I don't want any part of it.

oneoffour's picture

"Sure, it isn't my X-Box. But it is MY TV and MY power source"
"You may THINK you know about Gucci but seriously, you couldn't spot a fake from real at 6 inches."
" I know you text with your sister and mother. Isn't it nice of me NOT to cancel your cell phone access?"
" If you lay one finger on me I WILL call the police. Just saying...."

Hopingforthebest's picture

Really just proves the point that the majority of all of our step issues arise from having a BM that is against SM having a relationship with her kids. It sounds like you really didn't have any problems until BM was back in the picture... PAS'ed out steps will be a problem for as long as bm chooses it to last. When DH kicked ss out of our house this past December he kept saying it was really me that was kicking him out and " you kicked me out of a home that I was in long before you" BM blames any problems that the kids have on dh and me saying "bringing sm into your children's home has destroyed your relationships with your children.
The first 6 months after I met the steps for me was the best but bm started her campaign because oh no the kids actually liked me and we had fun together...accused me of trying to replace her and steal her babies...
So far ss14 and I who is the only one left loving with us have a not close but civil/respectful relationship but I'm not holding my breath because things change awful fast around here. I would talk with your Dh and have him really continue to openly support your role in the house, was ss always closer to dh then sd was? If so dh talking with him should help..
I hear you on needing/wanting a drink I just started back on my diet 5 days ago and am trying to stay away from alcohol!

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

I didn't have an issue with either Skids until they hit their teens. SO ran into a friend of SD17 at the mall. This friend told SO that he did the right thing by sending her to her moms. SD17 was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I knew she was getting advice from a dumbass friend. Not the friend at the mall but the ones she was starting to hang out with. After 6 years of doing everything a mother does for their daughter, she starts to question my existence and authority. WTF!

Now, ever since SD17 moved in with BM, SS15 tells me "this isn't your house" Gee, I wonder where he is getting that from. I will purposely keep his phone away from him until Mother's Day has passed. He will not be using the cell phone that we pay for to be calling his BM that abandoned him and his sister, to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. I know she is expecting him to call her. That bitch does not deserve a Happy Mother's Day from him. He claims that he doesn't talk to her but I find that hard to believe with the crap that comes out of his mouth. In the past they never asked to call her...

I will be extremely pissed off at SO if he comes back and he doesn't say a damn word to SS15 for his outburst. What sucks that while SO is out of town I have to feed this kid! I HATE cooking! Lol. Really, wish I could enjoy a nice glass of wine...