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And so it begins!

tryn2stayhumble's picture

SD9 has begun going back and forth between homes, by this I mean... confides in DH, then goes to BM and says a bunch of stuff or makes accusations vice versa between everyone. I have took the harsher approach of things because I am the one raising the children. BM gets them 4 days a month and continues the drama.

I adopted a child also... SD9 looked at my daughter yesterday and looks at me and says Hey why is she adopted!? 
i was on fire! I lost it... SD7 said mommy told her that. 

I do not communicate with BM anymore. She does not call or check on these children, the only interaction she gets with them is when she meets us to pick them up at the police station for her visiation time. I have now refused to be a part of pickups and drop offs. I have disengaged completely in that aspect... and yet the BM still continues on in her drama.. she texted DH last visit and told him to let me know not to put earrings in SDs ears to tight because they were infected... 

they were completely fine, SD9 keeps pushing them in her ear and twisting them but went and told the BM I am doing it to her...

I once was very close to my SD's but now as they get older and are doing this underhanded toxic crap like BM... I know there kids and I know I will catch judgement over this but... I just don't want anything to do with them period right now. I am so angry.

I had to be more open to my daughter about her adoption and background... I was never going to be anything but transparent with her...its just.. she is only 5 years old... when SD9 and 7 say this crap to her I know it only hurts and confuses her. 

How do I continue on like this!?

Comments

CastleJJ's picture

You're not going to catch judgement over this. Many of us are in similar positions. My SS and/or BM made allegations of abuse after a wonderful two week visit earlier in the summer. Honestly, the last thing I want to do is be around SS9 at this point. I feel angry and betrayed and frankly, that's on BM and SS9 for playing these games and being entitled and manipulative. I believe that karma will hit someday and when it does, I'll be sitting back with my popcorn, enjoying the show. 

Your BM is mad because you disengaged from her and she wants to be nosey and remain relevant. I think that is why our BM included me in her abuse allegations, because she hasn't seen or communicated with me in 2 years and she wants to know what's up. Sorry, I'm not giving her the satisfaction of knowing about my life. 

Your DH needs to be stepping up and cutting the manipulation off at the knees. He needs to let SDs know that this manipulation and behavior will not be tolerated. If it continues, you need to disengage and DH needs to take over raising his children. You have to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your daughter. 

CLove's picture

I call it "playing the houses against each other". We are in a rough sitch with BM, and it got worse when SD15 Backstabber/Munchkin got her cell phone. What she has done in the past/does now is she will get upset about something that she has been texted, then show it to Toxic Troll Bm. Then BM will text Husband about it. Slamming him and demeaning him and diminishing him. Sometimes it involves me, such as the last time during school-gate. She texted me some accusations and lies, I did not respond, but she showed HER texts to TT and she went off on Husband using that.

Since then, April, I havent done much more than say "hello" "goodbye" and "goodnight" To SD15 B/M. I certainly do not enjoy being alone with her. Typically I would take her places on adventures to celebrate first week of summer. Not this year. Im burned out with the being "played". Done doing, helping, and paying, sticking my neck out just to get my head chopped off.

Disengagement is your friend.

Harry's picture

Will take her to places on adventures  LOL.   Just remember Munchkin will never learn.  Just as TT didn't 

CLove's picture

I never did anything for her. Disengagement happened almost immediately when I saw how she was.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

You have every right to be upset and annoyed. Especially since there isn't much you can do about it because SKs won't respect you setting limits on such behavior.

I dealt with the same and as SKs got older it only got worse. SKs had a ttopic o bond with their uninvolved mother on, me and SO. It became the whole basis if their relationship with BM. As a result I just stopped doing anything at all and disengaged. 

Now tthatvthey are teens both brainwashed SDs live with BM.