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tryingtobecalm's picture

After 2 years of abuse claims from SS4 and his psychotic mother (and I mean that in the medical sense she has paranoid psychosis but refuses to take meds!) I decided enough was enough. Talked things over with DH and we decided that there would be no more overnight stays for SS4 (DH sees him at MILs house now). Social services and the police are already involved from the last lot of false allegations against me. I blogged last wk about how my DH found another burn mark on SS4 last wkend from the iron at BMs house.(4th time in 12 months) so we involved social services who called round to investigate. We then involved his doctor who called to investigate and then informed the school who called her in to explain where the injury had come from. So last night we get a phonecall from BM crying her eyes out saying she has had a long talk with SS and hes finally admitted it was all lies and Pleeeeeeeas can we put all this behiiiiiiiind us and be frieeeeeeeeends ehh huuuuuuh ehh huhhhhhhh!

Obviously I see this for what it really is, yet more manipulation technique to get DH to do what she wants. I have endured 2 yrs of watching him give in to her for an easy life but to be fair to him hes beginning to see how badly this affects the whole family and is becoming increasingly less accomodating to her. So translation into BM speak is - 'crap I dont like it when you report me for my neglect, I dont like having to answer for my actions! things were so much better before I filled my 4yr olds head with nonsense and coached him to cry abuse. Pls can we just forget this ever happened???' Shows the calebre of woman she is that she uses her 4yr ols child as a scapegoat for her lies bleugh she makes me wanna vommit!

The problem I face now is that if shes willing to make a full retraction is it unfair of me to still keep SS at arms length? she has made allegations before but only ever to friends and family this latest set is the first time shes gone to the police and social services. (I couldve lost my son, my home, my job)see previous bloggs

My first demands to her are
1 that she puts her retraction in writting in front of witnesses, signed and dated
2 she lodges a copy with social services
3 she lodges a copy with his doctor
4 she lodges a copy with the school
5 she agrees that should this happen again I will sue her fat ass for slander!

If she does all of the above do I let SS back in? We had a grt relationship at first but now all he does is tantrum tell everyone Ive hurt him and call me names. I miss what we had at first but am not sure how we get back on track or even if its worth doing so??? what do y'all think?

Comments

Delilah's picture

I wouldn't.

This is not simply a child telling tall tales, this is a child who is being coached to ruin another person's life with horrendous lies and in addition to this it could ruin your own child's life.

This is not about punishment of your ss4 (as he is very young and imo is patently being abused by his mother through this emotional damage) however it IS about protecting yourself.

To put it simply - why even open yourself up the possibility of a reoccurance? I appreciate your partner was in an awful situation but from what little you have said, he has actually inadvertantly enabled BM to continue by making things too easy -you mention he was not fully aware of how damaging this was to the whole family and I presume he was very focused on his child. Again I *get* the fact he must have been in full protective mode of the fact his young son's mind is being twisted by his deranged mother, however I am dismayed to hear he was not proactive enough in certain areas and although its unlikely he could have prevented these accusations from occurring it seems like he could have made things far and away more difficult for them to continue and could have done more to protect you and your child.

In all honesty, given the fact these lies have carried on for TWO YEARS and only now because BM has had her hand caught in the cookie drawer is the tide turning somewhat I would NOT allow my defences down. This woman has shown the fact she is venom incarnate, she would have carried this onto the end and probably laughed if your life had fallen apart. This is not about ss, this is about your child and your life. Please protect yourself fully, get some legal advice and start to consider what you need to do to shield yourself from this crap (with or without DH's blessing if necessary - as sorry this is ridiculous and no woman should have to be continually hit like this and be expected to take it because there is a child involved, his life is not worth more than yours and your child!).

P.S. if someone does something this vile once, then be prepared they may do it again. Be sure of that.

JIMPO.

tryingtobecalm's picture

We have a solicitor and are in the process of trying to get the money 2gether to go to court which isnt easy as BM bleeds us dry!!!
She called the police and social services on me which was awful and embarrasing but in the end it worked out and they saw her for the neglectful piece of **** that she is. her youngest 2 kids are on the child protection register now but they still wont take them off her. Her older son who is 8 keeps begging for Social services to let him live with his dad (she has 4 kids by 4 different blokes) but they labelled him a 'drama queen' which I think is horiffic. (hence my last post about being let down by social services)
The whole situation is MESSED UP big time but until the relevent authorities step up our hands are tied!!

notagain2012's picture

Wow..so sorry all this is going on!

I haven't read any previous blogs, but I pretty much agree with deliah.
This one episode is not enough to let your guard down. This BM is CRAZY. And she is training SS.

You just can't fix crazy. My SO has gone back and forth so many times, it would make ur head spin. Even when she gets caught, or backed into a corner. Anyone would agree that it was fake under duress, and all the officials will see that. As soon as she is off the hook, she will continue on her marry way. I foresee both parents losing custody of SS because he doesn't understand, and has been trained to play victim, and BM will continue to train him. The officials won't know the difference, and will not know who is actually doing the abuse, and remove him from both until they can figure it out.

I'm sorry, but this isn't about clearing your name. This is about a four year old who keeps getting abused. Burns, lies manipulation. This is your and DH opportunity to give this child a chance, and for BM to lie in the bed she has made. If the burns are accidental, they are still excessive and SS is being neglected and unsupervised unless she is pricing him for something.

Your DH needs to wake up. He chose to procreate with a psychotic creaton, and now he DOES need to protect his child. Does he not take this diagnosis serious? Does he think BM is just going to get better? That everyone will be fine and one big happy family?

She is not going to get better. And if you let her "slide" this time, just to clear ur name, you may not get another chance to help this baby. You are throwing him right back into the fire. And by DH not standing up to crazy b, he is too.

My SO is nuts. Certified crazy, like yours. It has taken my SO nearly 3 years to see that she is not going to "get better" and that she cant "step up and parent" because she is just not capable. She is not even supposed to be alone with SS, but yet her mother keeps letting it occur. Back and forth, one day, she would call and be nuts, and SO wouldn't speak with her, and then she would call and he would because it was "about SS" . Right. Except she NEVER knew what was going on with him, and SO would have to call ex mil to find out what was really going on. It has taken me this long to make him realize that its pointless to deal with her, and a waste of time. And when she does call, she is just emotional, and the two of them can't make any decisions regarding SS anyway, she just wants SO attn.

I hope your DH is considering full custody, because that is the only way to help him, and keep her crazy away from SS, and keep you from further charges

Most Evil's picture

Agree with above!! Don't give another chance, protect you and your own child.

I am sorry you are going thru this. Why do these guys keep finding psychos, and having children with them?? mine included. HUGS

HadEnoughx5's picture

A chameleon changes it's color's to the environment to protect it's self or to surprise it's prey. It's still a chameleon. BM will always be BM, just playing a different game. Protect yourself, your child and marriage.