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UPDATE!!! (Well darn it! That didn’t last long.)

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Guess who DH is picking up tomorrow at 2pm? SD13. 

After talking with SD on Thursday he went a text to her and BM about SD coming to stay with us for 2 weeks. When he mentioned 2 weeks to SD during the phone call she said "I don't know if I can be away from my mom for that long. I've grown closer to her since I've been with her so much lately." Bad

BM also said something about SD not wanting to stay for that long. So she's staying through Tuesday or Wednesday. DH is hoping she'll stay longer. 

I am not thrilled at all! Yeah, SD can bug me but I'm more pissed from a social distancing aspect. BM says they've been home and haven't had people over, but I don't believe that for a second. There's more I could say but I'm just silently fuming.



UPDATE since I posted this yesterday. 

I talked with DH and voiced my concerns again. I could tell that his demeanor changed since I brought it up and was worried he was mad at me (silly, I know). He wasn't mad at me but more upset with himself and the situation because SD was not in a good place. She said she wasn't going to hurt herself though, which is a step up from what she has said in the past. 

As he was putting DD to bed he said he'd check out BM's social media to see if there was anything on there he could use as leverage. I already knew there wouldn't be because she hardly ever posts anything and I'm pretty sure her profile is set to public. 

He then texted me that he had some good news and he tell me after DD was asleep. Turns out he texted BM, now of which I can't remember the bulk of but he said something about not wanting to be negligent by not social distancing the way we should. He thinks the word negligent hit a nerve with BM and she quickly changed her tune. She said something about re-evaluating things and maybe we could just drive to visit her on the sidewalk like we did last week. Woah! DH thinks she changed her tune because during the divorce precedings, the judge called her negligent/neglectful and DH thinks she doesn't want to been seen as neglectful. He might be giving her too much credit, but whatever. 

DH did admit that he wished he didn't even give SD hope that she would come stay with us during that time. I just agreed with silence. He did say "we won the battle, not the war." I just hope we're not back in the same predicament a week from now. 


Kee-khe's picture

Good for you. As am I. DH can get as upset as he wants. No contaminated people are entering my home .

hereiam's picture

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It's a scary time and really hard to trust anybody, which is really sad biut it is what it is.

I am lucky, my SD is an adult and we don't see her, anyway, but my DH admits that if she was a minor, we would not be able to have her over because we do not trust BM and her family. Just the other day, SD28 said that her mom wanted to have a family BBQ, this after they had all just given each other the flu (or what they think was the flu). Really, a bunch of morons.


Trying to Stepmom's picture

I told DH that we need to think of it like everyone has it. 

Even our neighbors (who we enjoy) have let their kid's boyfriends and girlfriends come over. And out on a walk we saw a teenage girl waiting for her friend who had just parked on the street and walked up to the house. 

I guess I'm not that trusting. (And I feel like DH is too trusting.)

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yup I sooo feel you and I have read on this site it's not okay to ask Skids to not come over and the CO over runs the "stay at home" order. But in my case we found out shortly after SD came in our home that she has been passed around from house to house because BM is too "essential" to have her kids at all. DH and I have DD 9 months , DS 3 and BS8 ( asthmatic) so yea when BM is not being responsible and lying about where SD has been staying it becomes a issue! Now we are stuck and it doesn't matter if we have been in our home for a month and social distancing, It doesn't matter if I haven't seen my own mother for months, it doesn't matter if we wash our hands 1004744 times a day now. If SD was around any one with the virus we have now all been exposed to it. I have to hope and pray we will be ok. And when SD goes back home she most likely will not be back over . 

Trying to Stepmom's picture

So sorry to hear that. It sucks that people can't think of more than just themselves during this time. 

Monkeysee's picture

Your DH is an idiot. A 13 year old died this week in the UK with no pre-existing conditions, none of his family members were able to attend his funeral because his siblings started showing symptoms of the virus. A 5 year old also died yesterday. I think the 5 year old had an underlying condition, but do you think that makes the pain any less intense for their parents?

Yes, it’s less common for a child to get severely ill, but it is absolutely possible. Why any parent would want to risk that is beyond me, and is only reinforcing my wish that people needed licenses to be able to breed. I’d make this a hill to die on. Your DH might not care about risking his or his kids health, but he has zero right to risk yours. 

strugglingSM's picture

We have successfully avoided visitation thus far, but BM is really mad and telling DH he's a terrible father because he doesn't want SSs to come to our home.

At first, he felt sad that he wouldn't see his kids, but then he saw one of them our hanging out with friends. Also, BM's husband works at Home Depot and her stepson works at Walmart, so they are being exposed every time they work. She tried to tell DH that they haven't been working, but I don't believe her. The only reason they would not be working is if they were sick or exposed because both those stores are packed.

DH has talked to both Skids multiple times and neither has been begging to see him. They are teens and have their own XBoxes at BM's house, so why would they want to come to our house where we have nothing and would be doing nothing. They are teens, so it's not as if they just love hanging out with their dad. They pretty much only like to be around when we're doing something.

BM keeps telling DH that the kids miss him so much and he has to take them, but neither has expressed any of that to DH. And again, we can't trust BM, even if she or someone in her house was exposed, she would not tell us. DH has been hospitalized twice in the last two months for recurring infections and adverse immune reactions, so he's in the high risk category for severe consequences if he gets the virus. BM knows this.