Father’s Day (Thanks a lot, BM)
BM texted DH around 10am asking if he’d like to pick up SD13. He called and they made arrangements to meet at their meeting place at 1pm. DH and I already had plans to run in to school (across town) to set up for camp which started the next day. Everything seemed to work out and DH told BM what the plan was.
Fast forward to 12:45pm. DH, DD3 and I are all in tow with our lunch to pick up SD. BM returns DH’s call that he made to see if SD was awake and wanted lunch. Turns out at 12:45pm, BM and SD were just waking up because they had fallen back asleep - what?!? DH told BM that we’d try and figure something out since we needed to get to school. (Side note: DH and BM live about 40 minutes away from each other, hence the halfway meeting spot, AND school would be another halfway mark, but BM refuses to go to the West Side unless SD tells her to.)
We get to school, eat lunch and get to work. Then BM calls after some texts. She sounds really weird (aka nice, but in a fake way) and says something like “we’ll just try another day since you can’t pick her up.” Are you kidding me? She’s trying to turn this around on him that it’s his fault that he’s not going to see his daughter on Father’s Day. And then hung up on him when he tried to talk. I kind of lost it. He called her back and I might have told her that it’s all her fault. Well, I did say that and he let me. I was not going to let her make him feel bad about this since she can’t be parent enough to make sure she and her daughter are awake and ready for a meeting time. BM said “F*** you!” to me and hung up.
There were a myriad of texts exchanged between BM and DH and some texts and phone calls between DH and SD. DH tried talking to SD but she was brain washed and turned it around on him. Telling him that her day was ruined. Her day? HER DAY? Last I checked, it was FATHER’S Day?
I could tell that DH was a little sullen by the whole thing and I apologized a few times for yelling at BM, but that I couldn’t stand her doing that to him. He said it wasn’t me and that he liked that I would stick up for him. He also said that’s what it was like for him for the 8 years they were together - BM blaming him for everything.
In the end, he’s picking up SD at 3:30 today. We’ll see how this goes. I’m not mad at SD for not meeting, because that’s not her fault. BM seems to think I would take it out on SD. We don’t talk poorly about BM in front of SD and I would never take out my aggression on SD just because I don’t like BM. Ugh.
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Comments
Did you also yell at your
Did you also yell at your husband for not having plans in place to begin with?
BM was a bitch in this case, but dad dropped the ball as well. BM should not have had to call him to see if he wanted to pick up his daughter on Father's Day. That should have been a no brainer. He should been the one responisble for planning.
I get going off on BM. I sure as heck blasted the crazy BM I had to deal with more than once. But each time I ripped into her, I let my ex have it as well. Usually, it was something he did or didn't do that gave the nut the ammo she needed to act the fool.
Nope
I didn’t yell at him. We just got back from vacation (that SD decided not to join us for). And anytime that we try to make plans anymore than the day of, BM always gives the line “let me check and get back with you.” And then doesn’t get back to DH until hours before we’re supposed to meet.
I don’t know how much SD cared that it was Father’s Day anyway. She didn’t make stink about not spending Mother’s Day with her BM last year, but definitely made the day hell for me. Nor did we make BM feel bad for working that day or say anything to SD about her Mom not wanting to be with her.
We try to follow the parenting guidelines put out by the state, but if something is said to BM, she brushes it off and says “you know we don’t go by those anymore.” No, SHE doesn’t follow them anymore.
It happens to us all. We can
It happens to us all. We can try and be an adult and do the right thing but some times emotions take over. It is so easy for us to judge and call you a child but in reality, we are human and we have all done something that we shouldn’t. I know you apologized to DH but I would like to recommend to you to apologize to BM. Not to smooth things over but because you do sound like you feel regret about losing your temper and also because you might have made the situation worse for your DH. I am learning that I need to completely stay out of dh’s and bm’s communication and decisions on pick ups and schedules because I just get upset and it’s really not any of my business. I do make it my business if I am the one picking ss up or if I feel the schedule is affecting my kids. Otherwise I am choosing to stay out of it.