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Did he really just say that? - a vent

Trying to Stepmom's picture

DH is supposed to have SD tomorrow and gave her the deadline of 9pm to let him know if she has other plans (with friends). He called her and let her know that she would have to spend a little bit of time in after school care since he couldn’t get across town until 4 at the earliest. She said something about checking with BM. (This is where I think DH should have just called BM to start with, even though he avoids talking to BM.) I also think she gave him a cop out answer since she doesn’t like to go to after school care. 

Once he hung up, he said something about letting her decide. Decide? Decide? 

She is 13, she should not be making the final decision on when she with her parent. Then DH said something about making her think it was her decision. What?!? Does he hear himself? I said to him “how is letting her think she made the decision helping anything?” He didn’t really have anything to say after that. 

BM ended up calling him and they finalized details. He then called SD and let her know what’s up (even though she is at BM’s house). *eye roll*

And I know I’m venting, but I also feel bad because as I’m venting, he’s putting our toddler to bed, even though he has a headache. Ugh. 

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justmakingthebest's picture

I made the mistake of talking to my sister who is a teacher of middle schoolers about some of SS14's crap. 

I guess the big thing is schools right now is having the children get a say in their discipline and how they want to learn. I wound up in a huge argument with her over it (I have BD12,BS13, SS14 and SS19-special needs and she has no kids of her own). 

While I do acknowledge that each kid is different in learning styles and that teachers need to teach in a way that touches on multiple styles for students to get the most out of the lesson- I FIRMLY believe that this is why we have a generation of entitled, self absorbed asshole semi-adults running around and everyone is complaining. 

In the real world if you get in trouble, the judge isn't going to ask what the offender thinks is a fair punishment! In the real world, outside of your field of expertise, you don't decide what you will or won't do based on your preferences. 

 

Trying to Stepmom's picture

But what got me is that he said he wanted her to feel like she was making the decision, when in reality it’s always her making the decision. 

I’ve now been in her life for almost half of it and more often than not, decisions (even ones that should be finalized by parents) were left up to her. Her BM constantly says “well, let me see what SD wants to do.” DH has done less of it these days. He’s gotten away from the big decision things (mainly vacations). And because of it, SD has missed out on some fun things with us because of her decisions (which we won’t let her double back on). Which maybe has helped her realize that our lives still go on even when she is not with us (that was a big thing when she was younger).

DH and I are both educators and I often pose the question “would you let your students get away with this?” I don’t know what happens with the administrators as far as if they give students options about their discipline, but I feel like my students get too many chances and with his students, it’s one and done. [Different age groups, but still...]