Update- SD thinks I HIT HER
So I posted earlier today (2-3 posts down from this one) about how SD12 has done a 180 on me, doesn't seem to want anything to do with me, is being a brat to DH, and most recently told her teacher/my friend that I'm not her SM, I'm her "dad's wife". This is the same girl who, at our wedding reception this past September, made a whole rap about how DH and I met and performed it in front of the entire reception, saying how I was pretty and DH was "meh" (lol), and spent hours and hours on it because she wanted to do it for me mostly.
Anyway. Today, DH took SD to the Dentist (even though it's Crazy's week with skids...sigh, DH being way too nice), and asked SD about her saying I'm just his wife. He came at her pretty hard and was yelling, even though I asked him not to. But he is not impressed with her behavior. He kept pressing her, and she finally screamed "she stopped being my SM and became your wife when she pushed me against the wall and you defended your girlfriend!". OMG.
Backstory: I have been in SD's life since she was 6- when she was about 7, I got a text from Crazy (before I had her blocked) saying SD had told her I hit her, and "did you hit my daughter"? I was completely floored. I have never hit a child. I have never even had to really yell at SD, I've never gotten close to hitting her. When SD came back from Crazy's, we asked her about it- she eventually said that DH and I were laying on the couch and I "pushed her face"- while DH was there. This 100% never happened. She then changed her story and said it happened when we were upstairs in the bathroom by the attic door (we weren't even in the bathroom together). I told her then that I would never do that. This was almost 6yrs ago and It all blew over, hasn't been mentioned since. DH knew it wasn't true, and the fact that Crazy never called the police or CPS (she was always calling CPS back then) makes me think she knew it wasn't true also. And she is probably the one who put the idea in SD's head to begin with. But I have thought of this instance often- you don't forget being accused of hitting a kid and then hearing the kid tell you the completely made-up story.
So DH kind of lost his sh*t on SD today when she said that I pushed her against the wall 6yrs ago (back then she said I pushed her face, never against the wall, but apparently the story has evolved). He got very protective of me because he knows it isn't true, and yelled at her and threw some logic at her to make her question her belief in this story- he's like, oh yes, is that the reason you have been close to TrueNorth77 all these years? Because you were sooo traumitized by her hitting you? And why you made a whole rap for her/us for our wedding? You've just been hiding this trauma all these years under a good relationship with her? He told her that people sometimes have false memories, and gave examples from his sister. He said the fact is, this didn't happen.
Things calmed down a bit, but then SD told him she wants to kill herself. DH doesn't think she's just saying it for attention- he thinks she is really having those thoughts. Her reasons were because of a friend that makes fun of her clothes (this friend doesn't dress nice and SD does, plus this friend literally just OD'd on HEROIN, so she's in no position to throw stones), and a boy SD met once last July and lives in another state stopped talking to her in JANUARY and SD just cannot get over it. SD finally opened up about these things to DH, and he did a great job of talking to her about it all. He told her he's dealt with these thoughts and it gets better, and all the ways we can help. He is going to find her a therapist. He thinks that her bringing up this "pushing her against the wall" thing is a way to add the list of reasons for her life being so bad, and it's not real. Apparently she told him she feels sorry for saying those things about me, and at the end of the conversation she seemed much lighter and happy.
When DH told me that she said that, I felt sick to my stomach and like I just don't even know what to do with this situation. She's almost 13 and she brought it up again, so it feels like she must believe it. DH disagrees, he think she doesn't believe it and is just using it to make it seem like she's been through a lot. It's weird though, not a peep in almost 6 yrs, and now she mentions it after her behavior abruptly changes? Maybe Crazy mentioned it again. I don't know. DH thinks maybe I should chat with SD about this incident. I am just exhausted by all of it.