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Skid week scaries

TrueNorth77's picture

I reallllly dislike the dynamic in our home when skids are with us for a multitude of reasons, which mainly include: how SD14 manages to ruin any fun activity by pouting or complaining and never having fun, how she tells DH each week that Crazy does everything for her and he does nothing for her, her inability to maintain friends or find any activities to do outside of the house thereby making DH her only form of entertainment, and the way DH has SS17 on a pedestal so SS can do no wrong...I could go on but these are the current highlights. Just this week DH told me SS17 was his favorite 3 times. Ok DH I get it, calm down. As much as I'm irritated and hurt by SD at the moment, I reminded him he needs to see her good qualities also. The favoritism is a bit much at times.

Tonight He mentioned SS sent him a screenshot of his checking balance and said he was glad DH had a talk with him about saving, because he has a whole new attitude about saving now. I reminded DH that SD is good at saving too and although she's only 14 she has more $ saved than SS. He said "yeah but she doesn't have any bills, and SS does, and we'll see how long she keeps that up..also SS was down to almost nothing this summer and already has thousands saved". Good grief. The fact that SS blew all his $ and DH had to bail him out is overlooked- we just focus on the fact that he has $ now because DH forced him to save (DH got access to his checking acct and started looking at it to make sure he wasn't spending all his $). I'm pretty sure DH thinks SS shits glitter.

I haven't been talking to SD at all after she told Crazy lies about me, but today DH told me she text him that she got a part in the school play. He said in true SD fashion, she was pouty about it and not excited at all. He said, she is always so pouty and manages to make everything miserable (this is true), yet she'll run downstairs by us and be over-the-top excited about something like a show she's watching or a tik tok and make a huge childish production out of it.. I 100% agree and this is something I have never said out loud to DH because he gets way defensive, but I told him it sucks because I try and think of fun things to do with her but in the end never suggest anything because she just doesn't seem to have fun doing anything we take her to and manages to ruin it, so what's the point? He completely agreed and said he is so sick of it and hopes she matures and it changes soon. I honestly don't want to feel that way about her, but man it's a relief when their own bio parent agrees with how you feel so you're not just the evil SM... I just wish I didn't dread every single skid week. It's only Friday and already I have the skid-week scaries, dreading Monday.


Yesterdays's picture

Seems like SS made a big mistake about blowing all of that money... Hopefully he has learned the effect that can have, and what that feels like and have learned his lesson for moving forward... One can only hope. Sometimes these things are real hard life lessons. One either learns from it or continues to do it and hopefully he's learned. Getting bailed out kind of takes away some of the lesson but do you think he's going to start saving more, moving forward? Perhaps the encouragement will help him along the way, the reinforcement 

TrueNorth77's picture

I think he will save, but also DH ALWAYS bails him out. He's never had to learn WHY he needs to save, so idk. He's a good kid but this part is really annoying to me, especially when DH will bail him out or pay for something I believe SS should pay for, then when I tell DH he needs to give me $ for a bill for the vacation house we just bought (that I mostly pay for), he complains how poor he is. I called him out this week when he did it and said Then he needs to stop giving SS $ for everything. He didn't have much to say about that.

Winterglow's picture

Seeing how your DH is with his own money (it's for fun stuff!) it sounds as if he's never been taught to use it for what's important. In fact, I wonder if the reason he keeps bailing his son out is because there's always been someone there to bail HIM out. Time to draw up a budget and insist on him putting X amount into the house and necessities account every.single.month. He's a grown up and  it's time for him to assume his responsibilities. Don't let him off the hook - you shouldn't be paying the lion's share.

Yesterdays's picture

SD sounds like she has a lot of maturing to do.. Acts childish.. After her previous actions I'd disengage or try to.. I don't think I'd be able to deal with her much after that. Maybe DH can plan some things to do together on their own time as an outing so you can have a break from it. 

TrueNorth77's picture

I have disengaged so hard I feel like I'm basically ignoring her, which I don't want....but it's still fresh and I'm still upset. DH doesn't even want to plan things with her. He said he doesn't see the point either, she doesn't seem to enjoy anything and pouts and complains. It's definitely not ideal. I will be gone for over a month and skids will be here a lot of that time, he will have plenty of quality time with her. lol. 

Rags's picture

Also, keep pointing out SS's crappy money management history. And... keep scrubbing SD's nose in her Eeyore morose pouty bullshit.

She goes on activities, and she is told at the beginning that she will not be allowed to ruin it for anyone else with her shit attitude.

I get your conundrum.  Seeing DH's juvenile favoritism. Seeing SS's pathetic attention grabbing with his "Daddy, look at me. I saved some money." Seeing SD's manipulative pouty bullshit.  Having to live that crap from all 3 of them, has to be hard.

Make sure to focus on you and your best life.

These three are likely to remain a drain on that for quite some time.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

Give rose

TrueNorth77's picture

This is so true. It's hard and likely will continue and I need to focus on me instead of it, because it's wearing me down. Soo hard to do that...