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SD thinks she’s going to demand things

TrueNorth77's picture

Skids are at Crazy's and today SD14 text DH that she needs to get Venmo so DH can send her money, So she can give it to Crazy to pay for half of the bras Crazy is allegedly buying her. Ha! DH said, that's not how this works. She asked why not. He said he will buy her a few bras and Crazy can buy her some, but he isn't sending her $. SD said "Then you need fo take me shopping next wknd for bras".

First, I loathe when SD says "you need to" and tells DH or I what to do. How about you ask? She was just here and didn't say a peep about bras. Now that she is with her mom she is sending texts demanding $ and that DH take her next wknd? Second, Crazy doesn't dictate when/if DH sends her $. I told him to reply to SD and say "Tell your mom the $ should be in her acct. it's called Child Support". Lol. And for the record, I am the only one who has ever bought SD bras- never Crazy. DH paid, I helped her pick some out and also bought some online.

What's funny is SD is with Crazy, who is directing her to ask DH for $, and yet Crazy is too dense to set up Venmo and SD has to ask DH to do it....She is incapable of doing anything other than taking SD to get her hair and nails done. Needless to say, DH is not sending $ and told SD absolutely not.

DH is all-around frustrated with SD and her behavior and has been pretty vocal about it, and I'm in the same boat. He said she's been acting more and more entitled and he had flashbacks from when he was helping Crazy raise her other daughter who is now 24, who was so unruly they had to call the cops and she ended up living with Crazy's sister in high school. If it gets that bad SD can live with her "best mom ever" cause I want nothing to do with it. As is, I have not enjoyed being around her at all in the past month or more.
DH just asked me, remember when you told me I can't pick a favorite kid? I said, well I still stand by my statement that you can't treat them differently, but I'm definitely changing my favorite.





CLove's picture

"you need to" is bs.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I would shut that kind of talk done so fast. "The only thing I need to do is not take orders from someone your age. If you want something from me, you'd better learn how to ask for it respectfully." Of course, kids only act this way because they've been allowed to.

TrueNorth77's picture

SD can demand things, ask for whatever, and 99% of the time she will get it. She just got highlights (which are truly awful, it's hard for me to look at her because the stylist did such a terrible job on the color), gets manicures every 5-6 wks, all at Crazy's. She is 14! We know exactly what CS goes toward. She has stated a demand like this once before in my presence and I addressed it- this time it was over text to DH. I sure hope DH addresses it because if I hear it again I am going to snap. I have several things that immediately make my blood boil, and this is one of them. Expecting to get things and not even being polite by asking. 

PetSpoiler's picture

Mine learned how to ask for things politely as soon as they learned to talk in complete sentences.  

TrueNorth77's picture

Lol. To be fair the first ones were trainers, and now SD's boobs are pretty big. But she has bras. It's not like this is some bra emergency that has to be addressed immediately. 

Yesterdays's picture

We went through this entitled behavior with SD and it didn't last long. I suspect because we shut it down so quick. For us.. It was regarding a mattress. My husband had just bought his kids an expensive and awesome bunkbed. A few weeks later SD says in the most snarky tone, "You need to buy me a new mattress, this one is horrible". DHs responded unkindly to this telling her she will never receive a single thing from us again if she states it in that way and went on to have a talk with her about her attitude and how it's inappropriate and won't get her anywhere. He was so mad. She never tried that little trick again.

I think that's key here... Lay into her about it stressing thats not the way to ask for things and that she won't be getting anything at all if she does. 

As far as the Venmo, if she makes this ridiculous request again he should tell her in no uncertain terms that he is NOT setting up Venmo and that she needs to stop asking. Leave it at that. 

TrueNorth77's picture

She has been told before not to demand things. She knows better. She continues to do it because Crazy allows her to, and that bleeds over here and she forgets that it won't get her far here. The first time I was nice about telling her, but her entitlement is growing (this is just one small example) so a more direct/firm approach is going to be needed....

Sadielady's picture

When I was a kid, anytime I said I "needed" something, my dad would say "do you need it, or so you want it?". He never laid into me, and asked the question without sarcasm. Sometimes I got the thing, even if it turned out the be a "want" vs a "need". It was a valuable lesson that stilll resonates and makes me think twice about purchases. if he'd been a jerk about it, I would have been a jerk back. And the lesson would have been lost.
With my own kids, when they worded things in ways that sounded demanding or snarky, I would calmly say "I think you meant to say (insert more appropriate comment )". You teach people how to treat you, and IMO, laying into them and/or belittling them models and reinforces how not to talk to someone.

justmakingthebest's picture

Entitlement like that just grates my nerves!

I won't say my kids don't ask for ridiculous things- because they are teenagers, and they do- but they ASK. They ask NICELY. They offer to work for it. They don't TELL me how I'm going to spend my money. 

Yesterdays's picture

My kids too.. If they want something really bad they'll ask how they can work for it. Sometimes they do extra chores... The big ones that need to be done around the house. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Do I expect them to ask for ridiculous shit they don't need and won't get? Sure. But no matter what you're asking for, this whole "You need to buy me this" is NOT the way it's going to happen. She seems to think she can talk to us how she talks to Crazy- anything goes, she can say it however and most likely she will get it. I've heard her say it to DH before and he didn't address it but I did, and told her then that she needs to ask for things, not demand he do them. Obviously it didn't stick. This time he was not amused and the entitlement is becoming very blatant so I'm hoping he nips it in the bud himself.  

Rags's picture

Unless otherwise stipulated in the CO, CS is the NCP's contribution to the CP for raising the SKid(s).  Your point on CS paying for bras is bang on. IMHO.

Far too many NCPs fail to realize that they pay the CP to raise the spawn and should get the services they pay for out of the CP.  The NCP can spend what they wish on the spawn when the spawn is with the NCP. When the Spawn is with the CP, it is on the CP to provide.  The income shares model (a version of which is used by most States)  stipulates a $ figure the NCP provides in CS, and the $ figure the CP is responsible for. in providing for minor spawn.

I know, probably not a popular position. But, we were given this clarity by the Judge when we billed the SpermClan for half of the cost of musical instruments and music lessons when SS was first in the school band.  Nope. that is covered by CS. 

That I am married to the CP in our blended family adventure may make my position on this a head shaker, so many NCPs get raped finanially that if I were an NCP, my only answer for money requests would be.... NO!  I already paid for it with CS.  

i would not reimburse the CP for anything they paid for even if the CO required me to pay half of a bill. I would only pay that amount to the service provider. Not one Cent more than CS would go to the CP.  I would only accept bills directly from the provider. Nothing the CP claimed would be considered. If they didn't like it, "see you in court".

In the event that my X was a PITA. If they were collaborative, I would consider it on a case by case bases.

Fortunately, I did not  spawn with my XW and avoided that nightmare scenario.

Lillywy00's picture


When this dude tried to hound me about taking his disruptive kids into my peaceful abode while he worked and his ex wife was in the cut plotting n scheming, I said flat out "look dude! The fact your exwife can't wait an extra 3 hours for you to pick them up when you get off work is pathetic. Those extra hours you work is going towards her child support. You pay that itchB to keep those kids so she is going to sit down, wait until you're off work, and keep taking care of her kids she chose to have and is getting paid to take care of."

Anyways. It's always good to teach kids and step kids boundaries one of which is how they talk to their elders especially the ones who financially/emotionally support them. 

Being whiny, demanding, pushy, and rude will get them absolutely nowhere. 

Cover1W's picture

DH started coming down on OSD for her entitled attitude, because he abhors it in people, and that's when she figured out she wasn't getting away with it here so off to BMs she went, never to return. It's not the entire reason of course, but the last gasp here. She's still an entitled almost-adult.

TrueNorth77's picture

Although I don't think this is the best thing for SD at all, I sure wouldn't be sad if it ended up happening due to no fault of ours...

ESMOD's picture

I think the response would net a phone call directly to the teen.

I don't "need" to do anything.. but if you ask me nicely, we MAY be able to look at purchasing something when you visit.


Yesterdays's picture

I think if you keep shutting it down and not giving in, and tell her she needs to come about things differently, stick to your guns she'll get the hint. She'll realize probably she can get away with it at moms but not dad's. Either way of course you won't be giving in to the entitlement. That's not how that works. With my step daughter I always thought you get more flies with honey then vinegar.

Rags's picture

IMHO, toxic behavior, gets a state of escalating misery. Appropriate behavior is not rewarded other than with a reasonably pleasent existnace. A bright existance, takes outstanding behavior.

Kids need to learn that performance earns positive existance, toxic earns misery.

Lather... rinse... repeat.