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Off to a crappy start!

TrueNorth77's picture

Skids ruin literally everything. DH and I had a glorious skid-free week and wknd. DH got me a MD card and wrote some really sweet things in it, plus a gift card, and I actually got my first-ever Mother's Day text from SS15 yesterday, which was nice. Not a peep from SD12, yesterday or today. She was too busy posting selfies of her and Crazy, proclaiming her an "amazing mom", and "the best mom ever", and "I couldn't ask for a better mom". My mouth actually dropped open because HOW. Make it make sense!!! SD was just crying last Sat. because Crazy forgot everything SD told her about some issues she was going through (tween angst I'm sure, but still), so I was hugging her to console her. SD is not a dumb kid, so her not saying anything to me after seeing my Mother's Day card on the counter is because she doesn't want to. It makes me not want to do sh*t for her. 

Anyway, DH looked at Skids grades online tonight- SD had gotten all D's and F's on her latest tests/assignments, and SS15 had multiple zero's. DH takes grades pretty seriously (you have to try) and these kids know that. DH reamed them out. He has previously told SS (and me, to "hold him accountable" *eyeroll*) that next time SS gets a zero for a missed assignment he's taking SS's computer cords to work with him. Tonight I hear DH tell SS he better "do better, understand"? *another eyeroll*, then DH leaves for work. Do you think DH took SS's cords with him? No, he did not, because DH WILL NOT PUNISH SS. It's ridiculous. He didn't even tell me about the missing assignments, probably because he knew I was supposed to "hold him accountable". So DH was all pissed off about skids and left for work cranky. 

SD said goodnight and went to bed without hugging me like she does every night. And I just sat there like, WHY do people have kids?? Things were quiet lovely around here, and then skids arrived and that all went downhill real fast. 

Edit to add: Now SS15 is home sick today. He text DH at 11:30pm at work (I was home and awake, he has been told to text me also), and he has a slight sore throat and his ear hurts "a little". DH told him to stay home. Which, fine, maybe that's the right thing to do, but SS also stayed home 2 weeks ago at BM's 1 day for reasons we still don't know. These "1 day illnesses" are pretty suspect if you ask me. And I work from home, so I just don't want a kid in the house right now! Crazy kept SD home sick all last week except Friday, even though she was feeling fine on Thursday. 

This morning when I saw DH It was all I could do to talk to him or listen to anything about skids. I honestly do not care right now. 


thinkthrice's picture

The worship of the HCGUBM is ongoing.  Stockholm Syndrome mostly.  The brainwashing is complete.  In my case the Girhippo is the "BEST MOM AND FRIEND IN THE WORLD" (TM)

Sadly VERY typical!


TrueNorth77's picture

Good grief. It really boggles the mind. Noted, Brainwashing and Stockholm wins affection. 

stepmomnorth's picture

I think that punishment is required for kids who are getting zeros on their tests and school not trying. Taking away phone and electronics and have a talk with them, tell them when their grades improve they can have these items back. They need to know its serious and its not ok. How often do you have the step kids? My SD was doing pretty bad in school. We only had them every other weekend so it was hard to reinforce and manage on our end. It was when everyone in the school was doing online school. Of course, she never logged in online, her mom never made sure she was. And when she did log in, she would fall asleep and the teacher would have to wake her up. 

TrueNorth77's picture

We have week on/week off custody. So plenty to enforce punishments. And it is blatantly apparent that DH's tactics so far have not worked. Telling them repeatedly. Yelling. Threats of consequences. That's why he wanted me to "hold him to" this consequence he threatened SS with, but then he doesn't follow through on it. Not my circus, not my monkeys though, so you do you DH. Not sure why you expect different results by doing the same thing. SD went from high honor roll to a C- average in the span of 2 months. 

Noway2b1's picture

To even raising my own boys. Those were the days. I can also relate to DH being a softy with them. He will regret it. They don't magically grow up and mature. 

On the topic of "mother of the year" social posts I don't get it either. Mine are in their forties and make those every Mother's Day and her birthday. She is bat $hit crazy. They know it. They have massive issues with her all the time yet here they are worshiping her. What does DH get? An occasional acknowledgment every year or so, or a hastily thrown last minute get together that always feels like it actually has nothing to do with DH. So strange. 

TrueNorth77's picture

DH gets the same! Skids go out of their way to buy Crazy birthday presents, mother's day posts (mostly SD), yet DH might get a text. Crazy is the one who doesn't actually parent though and tries to be the fun parent, DH does the heavy lifting and tries to make sure their grades are in order, they act like humans, have a bedtime, etc. That's not as fun, so he gets zip. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Quite often skids are afraid of mommy dearest. So they  always want to please, never be in momseys bad books. So of course skids kiss ass . Mommy will be happy proud of their spawn if they treat daddio and SM like crap. Daddio gets a pass though if he is the money train. SM though, no matter what she does she is evil and they can only love HCBM.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Is your DH working swings or graveyard? If so, then maybe he needs to make changes so he can be home after school and evenings to supervise his kids and help them with homework. It's not your job, and clearly something needs to be done.

TrueNorth77's picture

Yes, he works 3rd shift. For the last year he was on 12hr shifts, which means he pretty much just slept when he wasn't working. He just moved to 8hrs and will now be around a few hours each night. This may allow him to quiz them on if homework is completed, etc, but also they don't change their behavior and study more just because he is home. He acts like everything is going to change because he's home more, but I just don't see that happening. He doesn't know their homework assignments so he won't know if they are doing it or not, and when there's no consequences for not doing homework and they only want to be on Tik Tok/video games, why would they change? 


Exjuliemccoy's picture

I get it, just another guilty, shi!!y dad who won't engage with his kids. But he's fine sticking them with you.

In situations like this, where you know the skids aren't getting parented well and certainly aren't going to be high acheivers, it's important to play the long game. By that, I mean there needs to be a launch plan and an agreement between you and your DH that the skids will be out of the house by _____, no exceptions. Because otherwise, they'll be there forever or boomerang repeatedly because neither parent bothered to prepare them to succeed as adults.