Mini-Wife Behavior and Other Stepfamily Problems Are Not Unique to the Good Ole' USA
Apparently, it's not just on this side of the pond. In Germany, stepfamily problems are rampant.
(As for me, I live in a stepfamily situation with a mini-husband and it is really strange. On Father's Day, DW told SS15 to be good to me because I "bring home the bacon." SS said, "No, me! Me! I do!" Kid has never worked a day in his life, of course and all meals, toys, food and clothing are paid for by the others who he treats like crap. The kid goes nuts sometimes if I put my arm around my wife. (When he was younger, he used to claw at the bedroom door and whimper when the door was locked.) I really understand the idea that the mini-husband feels like he is the legitimate companion of his mother. She has done nothing to work against this situation. Up until a year so ago, they used to lay in bed and talk. In earlier years that also meant that she would stay in bed with him until he fell asleep. Every night.)
On The Stepmother Blog by Susanne Petermann (the blog is in German, I've translated the first few paragraphs and put them below), the author talks about what stepmothers experience in relationships where the stepdaughter is a mini-wife:
"There are stepmothers who feel strangely shut out when their husbands and their stepdaughters are together. They often feel ashamed of their thoughts and they wonder if they are exaggerating or being hysterical, because they get the feeling that what’s going on is more like what happens with a lover than with a child.
Have you ever felt this way? In my book, “You Have Absolutely Nothing To Say To Me,” I describe some of these “mini-wives” and the effects of this kind of father-daughter relationship on the new partnership. The “mini-wife syndrome” is a lot more common than people think. The mini-wives’ relationships with their fathers have nothing to do with sex (or sexual abuse).
If you have one of these mini-wives as a rival in your relationship, it is almost always because your partner hasn’t separated the father and partner roles from one another. Because he has allowed his daughter to be a resource person, a close intimate or support, she feels like she is her father’s legitimate companion. The result is that every other woman in Dad’s life is competition and must be jealously fought against. This is exactly what Teresa is experiencing."
(Then follows a letter from Teresa to the author, describing what it is like to live in a stepfamily situation with a mini-wife...)
The woman who writes this blog also says that anyone who says "you were the one who decided to marry your husband," and "you knew he had kids when you married him," and other such things is full of crap.