Hello
I was just cruising online for a support group and stumbled on this site. Guess I'll introduce myself. I met my dh 4 years ago. We have EVERYTHING in common. We hardly ever argue.
Well last August pretty much everything went to hell. Fil was in a motorcycle accident and suffered a major brain injury. At the same time bm attempted to commit suicide and kids were seized. One ss4 (at the time) belongs to my dh and children's services called us while we were out of state having drs telling us to prepare ourselves to pull the plug. Thankfully fil pulled through but is still only functioning @ 3yr old level. Anyways got back home and had ss dumped on us. Didn't even have a bedroom for him as in the last 3 years we'd only maybe seen him a dozen times as bm was a total beyotch and constantly moving from state to state.
So here's me. A 22 ye old full time college senior with a job working nights now expected to instantly take over full care of a 4 yr old. Dh (fiance then) has me quit job and we put ss into preschool so I can attempt to finish school (never happened). I as an honor student working my ass off to do everything right so I could reap the rewards later... all for nothing. Just was starting to go out to bars with friends and enjoy life when it was all taken from me.
I almost left but I love my dh more than anything in the world. He is my sanity and puts up with me no matter what. We just moved and are team managing a store. Making good money and have more freetime than ever but I feel so trapped. In old place I would leave ss @ preschool whenever I needed some time to breath. Now he's in kindergarten so I work all day then come home to him.
I've tried everything to bond with him. He's bonded with me and calls me mommy and adores me. He annoys the sht out of me. I don't even know why. I
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Sorry Droid fritzed and wont
Sorry Droid fritzed and wont let me scroll down my post to edit.
To continue... I don't know why I hate him. When he was in preschool I'd just leave him there when I needed a breather and I Did a lot better. Now I never have alone time and I feel like I'm drowning. I try to get dh to take more responsibility and do little things to help out but he never follows through. In order to sleep in I have to wake up dh to tell him to get ss ready for school. So much for sleep. He facts like I should just instantly love his son and take care of him like I enjoy it. And I don't love him and I feel like I can't get a break from the kid. Don't know what to do.
Don't want to lose dh but can't take much more of this. Dh even moved across the country to be closer to my family to male me happier. I feel like I owe it to him to try and find a way to work through my feelings towards ss. I'm hoping joining a group like this will help. Just don't know what to do. I'm already counting down the days till ss5 will be 18 and gone... I feel like a genuinely bad person.
Dh asked why I was irritated
Dh asked why I was irritated tonight. Explained to him he promised to take ss to school several times now but doesn't bother waking up to do it. He blew up and yelled about how he's supported this family for the last 4 years working long hours and doesn't know why I need help with stupid sht like that. I asked him what the last 4 years have to do with tomorrow morning and he Just went on a rampage about how shitty I keep the house (we're not yet unpacked because I now work 60+ hours a week). So his final answer to me asking him to wake up before 9am for once was that he would clean the living room by throwing everything away. What the f? What does cleaning the livingroom have to do with dealing with the bratling in his morning prime? Why am I not allowed to have a single restful and peaceful morning?
Sorry to vent again... better than me walking out cause I'm so ticked at dh right now. He asked why I am irritated then gets pissed at the reason. What a jerk.