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MY Stepkids refuse to meet there half brother.

Tokyo115's picture

DH kids from previous marriage refuse to meet our SON. its been ten years. My son is asking why they dont want to meet him.

DH left ex wife and we met 6 months later for some reason his kids hate me. I never ruined the marriage between him and his wife as she was abusive and he wanted out. He left when they were in college. 

 

Anyway, its very heartbreaking to me that they have ZERO interst in their brother.

I tried to contact them and asked if they would like to meet but no reply.

Comments

tog redux's picture

That's very sad.  Sounds like they've taken their mother's side, likely with a lot of pressure and manipulation from her.  Abusive spouses are usually abusive parents, and I'm sure she's made clear they need to have nothing to do with you.

Your son is 10 and I don't see why you can't make clear that they took their mother's side and are mad that his dad got remarried, and it has nothing to do with him.  Kids usually think they are to blame.

Tokyo115's picture

There Mother is a very sick person. She takes alot of medication and is not well mentally i am sure she poisoned her kids.

All around a sad situation. My son would adore his siblings. Unfortunatly my son doesnt exisit to them

Jcksjj's picture

If they're like that you are probably all better off without them around anyway. My SD lives with us half the time and has zero interaction with him and I'm starting to wonder how it will affect him to have to actually live with and be exposed to that. 

Letti.R's picture

I am sure it is hurtful to you that your stepkids have no interest in meeting their sibling.
I am sure there are many unanswered questions for everyone involved.
However, you may need to accept that the other kids will not meet your son.
All you can tell him is that is their decision - whether right or wrong.

I have a sibling (half-brother) whom I have never met.
I have no interest in meeting him.
My mother never poisoned me, or discussed my half-brother with me.

He has sent me a letter on two occassions - it went in the trash.
I have no interest in meeting him whatsoever.
We may share a father but I have no interest in him being part of my life, or being part of his.
It is not done to be deliberately hurtful, it is pure lack of interest in him or who he is.
Your skids may feel the same way - and it is doubtful it will change.

Letti.R's picture

A bit presumptious on your part to blame my parents for a decision I made, don't you think?

Why force a relationship with someone else's kids?
Are you told how to manage your relationships with your skids or your DH's ex?
Or is it reflective of you being raised under poor parenting?
Maybe wanting what you want and others need to dance to your tune?

The point of my post is not the WHY of no contact.
It is to understand that sometimes someone else has no interest in you and yours.
Mere existence does not entitle you to relationship with anyone - related or not.

beebeel's picture

I don't think banana was implying you weren't raised right because your dad never forced you to have a relationship with his other son.

You don't throw a letter in the trash for lack of interest. That's a pretty angry, dismissive and belittling response to someone who has never done a thing to you but exist. 

I think banana's reference to a poor upbringing refers to the fact that if you had a healthy childhood, you wouldn't be displaying such animosity as an adult. Ya gots some unresolved issues, chicka!

Letti.R's picture

The only unresolved issue I have is with presumptious women who think that by having children, it gives them the right to tell others what to do.

Tokyo115's picture

There Mother is very abusive the father left when they were in college. She is on several different medications, for mental health .

 

still learning's picture

I have a half brother who refuses to have anything to do with me or my two other half sisters.  It felt personal and like rejection at first but it's been almost 30 years now since I first met him and I do understand. He has his life and his family. He just doesn't have the bandwidth to deal with more siblings in his life.  His life was already drama filled growing up, his mother had an illness and there was the question of paternity whether our dad was really his dad. I tried to have a relationship in the beginning but it's impossible when it's one sided. I wish him a good life and will be kind if we ever cross paths.  

Your skids were college aged when your son came along. They were grown with their own lives.  Who knows exactly why they don't want to meet their young half brother but respect that that is their choice.  

notasm3's picture

Your son is so much better off without having toxic aholes in his life.  I am in my 70s.  I know many, many families that have half siblings that are now all grown.  Some have good if not great relationships between siblings.  Others have none.  

All too often the children of the first marriage - especially if the first wife was not too stable - have not turned out that well.  The second wife was often (not always) an upgrade who provided better mothering and genetics to her children.  I've seen it over and over again.  The children of the first marriage are all too often losers while the children of the second marriage thrive and successfully launch.  They have nothing to do with their loser half sibs.

But even when the children of both marriages are successful adults - the siblings often find they have nothing in common with their half sibs.  Neither side makes any effort to keep in touch.

Just be as honest as possible with a 10 year old.  But it is important that he not feel that any of this is about him not being worthy.

Livingoutloud's picture

My DD (an adult) has 3 younger half-siblings whom she is very close to. I understand if your stepkids were little kids so they surely wouldn’t be able to see your kid if mom was against it. But they are adults so it’s on them, not mom. If he left mom when they were in college then they were grown people even then and can see their sibling without mom even knowing. 

I am pretty sure if I was crazy and didn’t want my DD to see her siblings, she’d see them anyways.

Why blaming mother? They are grown ups. And why isn’t your DH organizing your son meeting his other kids? Surely if he sees them and talks every day, they aren’t hating him. Why are you contacting them instead of their father? 

You assume their mother poisoned them without actually knowing it. Her being on meds or having issues doesn’t mean she caused her kids not seeing yours. If they are grown people and live apart from their mother, how would she even know who they see and when. I am very close to my DD but I don’t know every little thing she does every day. Why assuming?

I feel like something missing from this story 

beebeel's picture

Private schools and college paid for = my guess is these adults are pissed that daddy had the audacity to split their inheritance with another kid. 

Be happy they aren't around to openly show your son their disdain and greed.