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SS heads down the inevitable path

tog redux's picture

Last report, my SS19 was dating an older woman - we thought she was 26 or 27, turns out she's "just" 23.  She lives in another state, they met online via gaming, and they'd been dating long-distance (traveling periodically to see each other) for about a year? Maybe more.  DH met her and she seemed just what you'd think an older woman dating a teen boy would be - crazy.

Well, apparently they broke up, and soon after, SS received a court summons for a civil case against him, filed by this woman.  We know this was true because he spent the evening with us at a cottage my family had rented.  I approached him to ask him a question and could hear the GF ranting at him through the phone.  She did apparently drop the case, but he has to fly to where she lives to sign something with the police. Also true, as we overheard him speaking to the police department.

DH and I both just stayed out of it, beyond DH giving him some basic advice. It had to do with some agreement they made about something.

Do you think he connects any of this attraction to crazy with his mother?  Don't be silly!

He has 18 months to resolve his immigration issues, and DH asked him what his plan was.  He said that he thought he had until 23 to stay in the country, when he's been told repeatedly it's 21.  He's doing nothing, playing video games, no plan to do anything with his life. No plan to get the money for a green card, and DH has made very clear that he's not paying for it.

On a positive note, he and DH seem to be getting along well and he did come to him for help about this issue. He's a troubled kid and it's kind of sad, really, but neither of us want the drama in our lives. I guess his plan was to not tell BM about the civil charges, but of course she has to pay for him to fly down there, so lying must be involved in that situation.

At least the girl isn't pregnant. So far.

18 more months of child support, that's what I focus on.  I'm glad he's back in DH's life, because alienation was hard, and I've decided to just be pleasant and civil to him as I always was, rather than avoiding him.  DH feels sort of hopeless about affecting any change in his life.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

I wish we could turn the knob forward 18 months and watch the shenanigans. *diablo*

Your DH is one of the good ones, tog.

tog redux's picture

IMO, and I've said all along, the best thing that could happen to this kid would be having to leave the country - then he'd get out of BM's home and might have half a chance.

DH offered him $500/month if he went up to live with his brother, and pointed out how much he's paying BM.  The kid is 19.5  Time to get his head out of his ass.

Monkeysee's picture

I think your DH making SS pay for at least half his green card is a smart decision. He’s 19, not 12. He’s more than capable of finding work (even if it’s a few months in Canada) and contributing to his own future & wellbeing. 

It’s nice when parents are able to help their kids, but not simply enable them. If your SS doesn’t get his act together he’ll be living in Canada whether he likes it or not. Good!! Maybe it’ll teach him a lesson or two to fall flat on his face & have to pick himself back up. Not to mention being away from his crazy BM.

tog redux's picture

Exactly.  I actually do feel bad for the kid, but it's enabling that has him in this Failure to Launch place to begin with.  BM has never pushed him to do anything that was hard for him, and maybe this will force him out of his comfort zone. And again, all he has to do is go work for a few months there, he has family that would support him in various parts of the country.