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Speaking of BMs who think they own the kid ...

tog redux's picture

Last we heard, BM was threatening court, claiming she didn't get child support for April, even though it was garnished from his check.  Her last email said she would go down to Family Court and file a petition for them to sort it out.  DH ignored. Then she went quiet and we waited for a summons or a subpoena that never arrived.  

She was blissfully quiet for about 5 weeks.

Today, DH gets an email saying that SS told her that DH wants to talk to her about helping him get a green card?

To review, SS19 has lived in the US for all but 10 months of his life, but he is not a citizen or a permanent resident, he's a dependent on BM's temporary visa that she has to renew every 3 years.  DH is now a naturalized citizen.  If SS does not have some sort of visa or permanent residency of his own by age 21, off he goes to Canada, where he has really never lived.  DH has offered to help him get a green card several times since he returned from his alienation, but SS said BM told him it would "mess up the plan". 

BM's "plan" was to have him get into the college she works at and get a student visa, then parlay that education into a work visa of some kind.  Why, you ask, would she want him to take the most difficult route to legal residency when his father can apply and get it for him?  

Well, control, of course.  He'd be dependent on her agreeing to sign tuition waivers for at least the next few years.  BUT, SS couldn't get into her college because he's a crap student, so Plan B was for him to attend Community College, get his grades up, and then go to her college.  This was the last week of his first year at CC ... and here comes that email. 

SS won't tell DH his grades, but this would make me think they aren't great.  I'm also wondering if she would rather he get a green card through DH, than by marrying his 27-year-old girlfriend that he's going to spend the summer with. 

DH's plan is to ignore and talk to SS himself, the grown man, about getting BM to help pay if that's what he wants to do.  BM has been the gatekeeper for much too long.  She would have nothing to do with any of the process of getting him a green card, except ponying up some of the big CS that DH pays her every month. 

Should be interesting to see how this plays out ...

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

He's lived here for ages, so he should have been working towards a visa, citizenship, SOMETHING. Do you think the deadlines will be hit? Or is he going to end up in Canada because of all the extra plans BM keeps thinking of?

Petronella's picture

What a terrible plan of BM's. These student visas and work visas are temporary and so strange to choose to live this way, when permanent residency is a possibility!

tog redux's picture

It's totally about having control over him and keeping him dependent, and not letting DH help. But I'm guessing DH helping seems better to her than him marrying this woman he's dating. 

Petronella's picture

So now that terrible old Dad is now good enough to be allowed to help his son. After how many years of being told that nobody needs him, nobody likes him, nobody wants any help from him. The irony is exquisite. 

tog redux's picture

Yep. Better than the mature girlfriend marrying him and becoming his first priority over Mommy. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

IF being the key word. Hopefully he does. Otherwise I'm sure you and your DH will never hear the end of it.

tog redux's picture

DH says if SS doesn't take advantage of this by 21, and gets shipped out, he's not helping him come back.  (He probably would, though). 

Petronella's picture

I will be watching this space. That poor little 21yo is going to need to learn Celsius, very soon now, hahahaha

Petronella's picture

Hahaha, I'd assumed it was some super foreign land. I know it's the same thing as far as immigration requirements go.

That's great if SS is finally interested in straightening out his affairs. Of course he should be asking his dad himself, directly. BM has nothing to do with it. Your DH's plan is perfect.

In the end it wouldn't be THAT much of a catastrophe if SS does get deported. An adult who speaks the language should be able to make himself a life there just fine. 

 

tog redux's picture

Nope, not a foreign land, just our neighbors to the north.  He has family there, too - but he'd literally have to "make a life" for himself somewhere, because he's never really lived there.  He hasn't spoken to DH's family in 5 years, BM's family is, well ... like BM.  He does have an adult brother who lives far North, I'm sure he might help him.

I frankly thought it would be the best thing that ever happened to him if he got sent back for a while.  Grow up, separate from BM - DH could always petition for his return.  

tog redux's picture

Yep. There is no other explanation for why she wouldn't have asked DH to help him before - DH has had a green card for about 5 years and could have helped SS get one then. 

 

advice.only2's picture

Send the little pisher a care package of all things canadian and remind him over there they say "EH" a lot!

tog redux's picture

Oh, he knows. He's a proud Canadian even if he couldn't even walk the last time he lived there, since he's just adopted BM's sense of self.

 

tog redux's picture

Lol.  They go visit the brother once a year, probably.  And he's been with us to visit DH's family.  His visa is legal - for now.

Notup4it's picture

Could have seen this one coming! Lol.  She knows she will lose full control soon enough. 

ntm's picture

This kid gets so much as a parking ticket, he’s outta here. He better start getting his butt in gear. It’s freaking COLD in Canada. 

Petronella's picture

It’s a pleasant 72 Degrees Fahrenheit where I’m sitting (had to google to convert from Celsius). Very true though that this kid risks deportation if he ever does anything even slightly illegal. I don’t tho k that would be such a bad thing though,

tog redux's picture

Luckily he's too scared to get his driver's license. 

And we are an hour and a half drive from Canada, so it's cold here, too.