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Let's let the lawyers work it out

tog redux's picture

Sigh. BM is ready to take DH back to court already.

First off, the CO he got is ridiculous.  We are smart, educated people and it's hard to figure out what he owes, I can't imagine how uneducated people do it. Health insurance is calculated as a weekly amount - welp, there aren't 4 weeks in a month, so he can't just pay a lump sum each month, he has to calculate it from 3/1-3/28.  Then from 3/29 to whatever.

CS is at least a monthly rate.  Then there is tuition. Well, the CO mentions the percentage they each pay, plus a deduction of a tuition reimbursement that BM can get.  So we subtracted that from his first payment, and now she's contesting it.  The CO is vague, I will give her that. DH is going on his interpretation.  She is going on "her attorney's".  DH tried to explain his math and the latest email claims "there is no deduction. None."  "Let's let the lawyers work it out."

Sigh again.  This woman just wants to make DH's life difficult for as long as she can (21 months, not that I'm counting).  DH doesn't have an attorney. He can negotiate pro se with her attorney, but the total amount they would be fighting over is $750.

I'm inclined to just pay the extra money to get rid of her.  We will see what DH decides to do. Knowing him, he might want to see her pay her attorney $750+ to go to court to get $750 out of DH.

Another heavy sigh.


SteppedOut's picture

Damn. How freaking exhausting. 21 months - but you know it will ALWAYS be something...Lord woman, sorry. That's all I have...sorry.

tog redux's picture

I was hoping we could get this crap paid, get on a roll with the monthly child support and get back to BM being irrelevant.  I guess she's got other plans.

She is legitimately bipolar, so maybe she's not well. She knows DH doesn't have an attorney, they just spend a hour in a courtroom with her, her attorney and him pro se.  ?

tog redux's picture

It says they subtract it from the tuition and divide it by their specified percentages. Why would he be trying to take it all?

still learning's picture

If your DH contests and drags it to court and the judge deems him "unreasonable" he could be on the hook for thousands in attorney fees.  I'd just try to figure it out and settle out of court.  There is no winning this, he'll likely have to pay.  

Monkeysee's picture

This is ridiculous. If there's no deduction, then why is it in the CO that there is?  B*tch be crazy...

For the sake of $750, I'd probably rather DH just paid it to make her go away at this point. I know it's what she wants, but if he gets stuck with her attorney fees, which seems likely based on everything you've said about family court in NY state, at least it's the lesser of two evils.

I wish people weren't allowed to get away with this crap. What an absolute waste of time & resources. How sad a person must you be to feel the need to remain that relevant in their exes life as well. May these months go quickly for you tog!

tog redux's picture

Well - there IS a deduction, that's public information. It was DH that brought it into court during the hearing. Last night, she emailed saying her attorney disagreed with how DH was applying the deduction, and explained herself how to apply it.  Then DH gave her the math of how he was applying it, and then she sent the "There is no deduction. None."  email. So IMO, she was pissed off that DH was right and she probably didn't like that a bit.  He says she's also terrible with math so it hopefully made her feel stupid.

I don't think they will make him pay attorney fees, he's paid thousands already in compliance with the order, there is just a disagreement about how to interpret this deduction. And while I too am tempted to throw her the money to get rid of her, he's concerned that will open the door for her to challenge everything and demand more money.  So for now he's going to ignore it, pay according to his interpretation of the order and see what happens.

Why can't this stupid cow go away?!

justmakingthebest's picture

Maybe start by offering to split the difference? Offer her $375 to avoid the lawyers/court fees. Also, show her the math again and ask her to please explain her reasoning so that everyone can come up with what is fair together vs. this constant fighting? 

I know, I know... you can't reason with crazy... but I would give it a shot. 

tog redux's picture

I actually think she got upset because she was wrong, and she realized that when DH did show her the math.  In the past, there have been instances where he proved her wrong and received a page long email manifesto about everything he's ever failed at since the dawn of time.

So, at this point, he's just going to let the dust settle and see what happens. If she does have her lawyer respond for her, that would be good, at least he seems sane.

There is no compromising with BM.  If she decides there is no deduction, the only acceptable response will be for him to pay her.

tog redux's picture

You of all people for sure get this! Imagine trying to get BM to agree to letting you guys have SS half of the summer to split the difference. HAHAHAHA.  It's all or nothing with these BMs and they will fight to the death for the ALL because they fear otherwise they will get NOTHING.

Letti.R's picture

Why do these women never give up?
Years and years of this BS and still they need to contest because your state allows CS to 21???!!
Sorry tog, but this is beyond ridiculous.

All I can think of in this case is a reason to keep my legs crossed and further avoid people with kids because it never ends!

tog redux's picture

I guess, as I understand it, it's a way to hang on to the relationship.  Negative intimacy (fighting) is better than nothing at all.  She has 22 more months or so to control DH with this crap and then it's over.


bearcub25's picture

As those months remaining dwindle expect her to ramp it up another notch.  BM was a nightmare when YSS was 17 because she knew once he turned 18, she wouldn't be able to blow up DSO's phone every flipping day like she did.

We are finally done with BM.  All 3 skids are 18 and out of school and DSO deals with them directly.

I'm lucky DSO feels once kids are adults, its time they figured their shit out.  I did it with mine so that was a line in the sand for me.  I have no problem helping when they need help as long as they are supporting theirselves though and its a once in a while type of thing.

2nd wives club's picture

Health insurance is calculated as a weekly amount - welp, there aren't 4 weeks in a month, so he can't just pay a lump sum each month, he has to calculate it from 3/1-3/28.  Then from 3/29 to whatever.

Divide the annual health insurance cost by 52, DH had to do that with his child support because his CO amount is "per month" and BM was garnishing his weekly paychecks. Why do the courts make it so complicated? 

tog redux's picture

It's ridiculous.  The child support is given monthly, so fine.  But the insurance rate given is $25 per week. So he has to pay 4 or 8 weeks at a time to make it round, and then it ends up in the middle of the month, etc.   He could multiply the 25 by 52, then divide by the 26 pay periods, but god knows, she'd challenge that math too.  He doesn't want to pay ahead in anything, because there's always the hope that SS could emancipate himself (he's 19) or maybe BM could be hit by a bus (though all my energy towards the universe making that happen has led to nothing so far).

hereiam's picture

I'm so glad that my SD got married at 18. Done and done!

Not that she would have gone to college, anyway, but she was 2 years behind in high school, so CS could have continued for a couple more years.

I'm sorry that you are still in the nightmare.

tog redux's picture

I keep hoping his 26-year-old girlfriend will marry him and take him off our hands.  But he wouldn't marry her without Mommy's permission, so it won't be any sooner than his 21st birthday, I'm sure. 

hereiam's picture

SD tried to keep it a secret from us that she got married. I'm sure that was prompted by BM, so that DH would not know to terminate CS.

Siemprematahari's picture

Tog, sorry you're going through this but just know its only for a little while longer and it will be over before you know it. Trust me I know what you're going through and hope that things work out in your H's favor. It's a shame all the bullsh!t that this BM has the energy for. Doesn't she have something else better to live her life!

Hang in there!

tog redux's picture

We keep reminding ourselves of that, and that there is only so much she can take and so many arguments she can generate. 

Goodluck's picture

Sorry about this Tog...we have and are in your shoes.

Anyway, motion to clairfy is a act of compassion. Its reasonable to request specifics so BM and DH will not guess or assume anything. Better for kid too.

UGHHH I feel your frustration.

Doubtful Judge will order dh to pay attornies fees for motion to clarify.


tog redux's picture

I don't see attorney fees being ordered for a genuine disagreement over CO interpretation, either. 

SS doesn't know the difference, Mommy is fighting this battle for him. 

simifan's picture

I would NOT open the door for BM. I can't see attorney fees being ordered for a confusion of the CO. Let her take DH back to court. 

tog redux's picture

That's how DH feels.  If he's paying everything except that small amount they disagree on, I don't see him being ordered to pay her fees.