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Happy Final Child Support Payment Day!

tog redux's picture

My SS turns 21 in January, so DH is preparing to send his last child support check. Yes, it's a little early, but since BM is paranoid about him depositing money directly into her account (she thinks he will somehow get her bank account number - yes, she teaches Computer Science, but whatever). So that means the bank has to mail it to her, and with the holidays, she won't get it too early.  He's already paid his final health insurance payment to her, last month.

So - what do you predict? Will BM go quietly into irrelevance, or will there be some acting out? Will she send a stack of medical bills to be paid before he turns 21? Will she email in February and ask where her check is? Will she ask DH to continue to help support SS, who is living with her with no job, no education and no driver's license? Will she dump SS on our doorstep?

Our plan is to celebrate with a nice dinner (take-out, of course) and wine.  Having more money will be nice, but what I'm really looking forward to is her having zero legal control over DH whatsoever, and him having no obligation to support the Failure to Launch man-baby she created.




Thumper's picture

YIPEEEEEEE Tog, Congratulations. I am thrilled for you and your family.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, indeed.

Cheers Smile

Edit to add: Prediction, bm will continue her grift anyway possible. One Example might be,  mailing dh old cvs receipts and receipts for her own Acup bra's.



CajunMom's picture

I remember that day clearly. We decided to pay the last 2 months in a lump sum...sent a letter detailing the total along with FINAL CS PAYMENT. The reason for the lump? In our state, you pay through age 18 unless they are still in school, then it's age 19.

So, BM lets SS fail his Senior year so she could collect two additional months. Yep. You read that right. He lived with us his Junior year; returned to her with A's and B's, no missed days and back on track for our state tuition assistance program. Goes back to her...missed 53 days of school, failed multiple subjects and then failed the entire Senior year. So her poor parenting earned her two more months of CS.

The only "noise" we heard was a year or so later when a doctor's office called us to get payment for a bill, stating the BM went to the office, screaming at them that "his father needs to pay that." MInd you, it was a $40 bill. No, we didn't pay it and that was the last we heard from her.

tog redux's picture

It's lovely when the consequences for them finally arrive. BM here emotionally crippled the kid to make him dependent on her, now she's got a giant toddler on her hands.

MissK03's picture

Congrats!!! Hopefully she disappears. *fingers crossed* Also, maybe she will make your SS grow up now 

Kes's picture

It's a lovely feeling, isn't it?  I hope that BM will just quietly fade into relative (I know it's never going to be total) oblivion.  I was surprised that NPD BM gave us so little trouble when CS stopped for the SDs - I was expecting more.  I do hope this is the case for you too.  

Harry's picture

She can't control SS anymore, So she sending him to his father So his. BF can control him.  As in no money, No DS 

tog redux's picture

Joke is on her then, he's almost 21 years old, he can go live with friends or in a shelter somewhere. We both agree we are not taking him in.

Floral_SM's picture

Congratulations tog! It's annoying you have to wait until they are 21 over there. DH pays maintenance until the skids are 18 here. SD is 6 so only.. 11 more years and 4 months to go, but who's counting? Haha.

tog redux's picture

Only a handful of states go to 21, most are still 18-19.  I kind of understand the need for support after high school, but it's just too easy for a BM like this to ruin their kids just to keep the CS going. IMO, the money should go to SS, with strict requirements for him to be in school or have a job. It shouldn't just go to BM to do whatever she wants with it.

Floral_SM's picture

It's a shocking system. It annoys me how much goes straight into her pockets and the skids see none of it. 

Aunt Agatha's picture

So very happy for you and your DH!

I predict she will cycle through a range of emotions, acting out all the way, once she realizes not only is there no more money, but she has also lost another tie to your DH - making her even more irrelevant.  And these BMs hate that.

Luckily, you have wine!

TwoOfUs's picture


We went through this 3 times as each aged out and CS dropped. Asking for a few extra months on each...through when she "would have graduated" for OSD who graduated early against our wishes in January and was PAS-d out at the time. Through the summer for SS and YSD for no good reason at all.

I was also a bit pathetic to watch her scramble to come up with extras that equaled the drop every other month or so. Or how she KEPT asking for stuff for OSD to be "added to" the next CS check...and DH had to keep repeating: "If OSD needs something, she has to ask me directly." 

Anyway. So much congratulations. I can't imagine CS to 21. YSD turns 21 this coming imagine still paying CS right now???!!! Yikes. The feeling of zero obligation to BM is even better than you think it's going to be.

SteppedOut's picture

My guess is she will ask for continued support "for ss until he is able to self support". And when that fails, she will instruct ss to ask his father for money. When that fails ss will tell off his dad for "not ever being there and not ever helping financially".

strugglingSM's picture

Congrats! My bet is on options 3 or 4.

We have 40 months left to pay (yes, I am counting down). BM is currently trying to kick her failure to launch SS (19) out of the house and demanding he pay rent. I wish I could get written proof of that when she demands more money from us or tries to push SSs to live with us, once they turn 18.

hereiam's picture

Congratulations! It's a wonderful, freeing feeling, isn't it?

Having more money will be nice, but what I'm really looking forward to is her having zero legal control over DH whatsoever, and him having no obligation to support the Failure to Launch man-baby she created.

We felt the same way. Finally being free of BM was better than the money, itself.

Hopefully, the BM in your life will just fade away and accept the life that she has created, having raised her son to be co-dependent.



Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I remember when my girlfriend and DH celebrated Thier last CS payment. Yes BM disappeared into oblivion and they celebrated by finally getting marry after 20 years together.

tog redux's picture

DH apparently bought some nice champagne for the occasion!

I'm hoping she will just move on. I think there is a slight chance she will try to get DH to continue helping her support SS, but probably not, considering he ignored her last effort to get him to contribute to getting SS a green card.

DH thinks she will dump him on our doorstep; I'm starting to think she wants SS to remain living with her indefinitely.  Anyway, we shall see.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Best. Christmas. Present. Ever!

But I don't think she'll go quietly. She'll try something to stay relevant.

advice.only2's picture

I really hope she goes quietly, but I foresee some "request to discuss SS future." once she goes into the next month and no extra money is forth coming.   

lieutenant_dad's picture

Congrats to you two!

I think SS is about to become homeless. All of a sudden, the behavior that BM protected in SS will be "unbearable" and out he'll go. Sucks for him, because I don't wish crappy parents on anyone, but perhaps it will be the kick in the pants he needs to at least try at life.

tog redux's picture

I'd be shocked if she ever kicked him out, personally. She's too concerned about her image. She supported her older daughter well into her 20s. 

Jcksjj's picture

Yay congrats! 

I'm guessing there will be a blow up, but oh well.

ntm's picture

We feared a backlash since it had been strong when CS was reduced after OSD aged out. But crickets. 

Enjoy your newfound freedom! 

SMto2's picture

OH my goodness, congratulations! Just think of how much LESS $ BM will have next month and how much MORE you get to keep! It's been 6 1/2 years since DH stopped paying, and it honestly never gets old thinking about how awesome it is that it's OVER! We do still hear from BM when SSs need some major expense, but DH has learned to deflect and tell her to have SSs contact him to discuss directly, which greatly reduces the chance they'll ask! Lol. 

tog redux's picture

$1127 a month, to be exact.  Though BM makes 6 figures herself, so she won't be in the poorhouse. 

I'm glad your DH has stopped letting BM speak for her adult children!

thinkthrice's picture

The Gir hoped to collect CS after OSS accidentally emancipated himself.  When he moved back home without CS he soon moved out a few weeks later.

Upon SD's 21st bday, SD too moved out.  Have no idea what the Gir told them because they have been told that Chef pays zero CS AND they are totally enmeshed with said Gir.

I would say she will at least try extended CS to 24 by feigning college enrollment or trade school.  The Gir tried for that with SD.

tog redux's picture

New York's laws stop Child Support and College tuition at 21 unless there is a prior agreement. So she can try, but she won't win.

"Child Support for Children Over 21

There sometimes comes a follow-up question: "What happens if the young adult is still in college after they turn 21?" The answer remains the same in this situation: Unless the parents have a written agreement, child support is terminated at the age of 21, even if the child is a student who is not self-supporting."