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BM's Money Shenanigans

tog redux's picture

 BM TWICE in the last few weeks said she had "just mailed" the college receipts for SS's tuition - well, they finally arrived. He did not drop a class, though he did change one for another. And she very carefully heavily redacted SS's college ID number with a black marker, because egads, god forbid a father should know his son's college ID number! Imagine the havoc he could wreak with that information. (It occurs to me that she may have done that because I redacted my Social Security number from the tax returns we had to submit to court, and she's just that kind of tit for tat person). 

5 weeks ago, she sent DH a text saying she was standing in front of the Child Support Enforcement Unit and did he REALLY want her to get the money taken from his check?? (It is currently taken from his check, she was going to submit the new order with the increase). They'd take his whole check with back support!  Apparently her black heart was just filled with sadness and worry about her ex-husband's financial well-being.  DH told her to go ahead, he had a credit there. No more was heard from her. 

Well, I know NY state government, and it doesn't take 5 weeks for them to take a man's money from his check.  Yesterday, BM sends an email saying that apparently, she just found out that this order is a "pay direct" order and it will cancel the other order (which was also a pay direct order, BM just requested it go through CSEU) and so as of this Friday, he would have to pay her directly.  I call bullshit.  I think she just yesterday went down there now and requested it be paid directly.  She could have easily claimed he wasn't paying (truthfully, since he's been waiting for her to put it through) and had it garnished from his check.  Seems to me that him paying directly gives her more room to mess with him. And she's begun questioning how much he's paying for tuition, and if it's correct, etc, based on the (vague, of course) wording of the CO. 

Sigh. I hate that she found a way to weasel her way in and force DH to communicate with her and take up space in our lives. Only 22 months left. 


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Can't your DH go and file the new order through the office too? We haven't had to worry about that side of things... But I feel like he should be able to do SOMETHING.

She's being desprate at this point... Bleck!

lieutenant_dad's picture

That was my thinking. CSEs are all too happy to have more people go through them to pay CS because it makes them money. And no judge will say, "NO, you MUST pay BM directly" when there is an agency that can provide accountability.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Exactly. And I believe they make a little money off of things going through their office as well. So win-win.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

BM is playing games with your DH. I will bet Mommy is upset her son has a girlfriend and she may be losing control of him. Your husband will do as a new toy for her to play with. 

Ugh, I am sorry, tog, This woman is petty and mean spirited. It is less than 2 years and hopefully those will fly by. Unless... she finds a new angle. SS's immigration status??

Letti.R's picture

With your BM, it is most likely safer to go via a CS agency.
I would not trust her to be truthful about receiving payment when she mucks about with sending invoices/receipts.

I agree with those above who say BM is trying to stay relevant in your lives.
How can you live without her wonderful presence? Bad

tog redux's picture

I'm pretty sure the NCP can't put a court order into the Child Support Enforcement, because a) it's meant for those who aren't paying, and b) the CP actually pays the fee for it, believe it or not!  I suppose he can try, but I don't think it's allowed.

The order is clear that he has to pay BM, so he can't pay the school. The issue of financial aid, etc was hashed out in court, DH lost, and if he doesn't follow the order, he'll just end up back in court and get ordered to follow it as written.  Also - he asked SS about his grades, and he "lost" his log on so he has no idea what his grades are.  *eye roll*

I do think BM is trying to stay relevant and keep control. Part of me finds her very pathetic, but the other part just wants to be done with this nonsense once and for all. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

If it were me, I would set up a separate bank account that BM has access to and have payroll take the amount out of my check and put it in that account. If it's an online bank, DH could even add her to the account with information he already has (her name, address, email). Or, he sets up auto pay from that account so that it just sends her a check automatically.

He'll have proof the money went into an account, and a record of money being sent to her name and address. She gets her direct pay, DH doesn't have to interact with her, he has a record of his own showing where the money went and when, and it keeps coming out of his check. 

tog redux's picture

Well, when he first started paying support, he offered to use Quick Pay with BM (goes right from his account to hers) and she refused because she was paranoid about her bank info being in there (even though, obviously, she puts it in and DH can't see it).  He does use online banking and sends her a check that way, so there is a record.

Honestly, I'm giving it 2 months before she gets fed up and goes back down to CSE and has it garnished again.