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Back Again

tog redux's picture

I posted years ago as "tog" but deleted my account after my SS PAS'd out around 3 years ago at 15.

Well, he's back. I don't have the energy to post much back story but suffice it to say that BM is a selfish, entitled narcissist and we dealt with all the usual crazy BM antics until SS finally PAS'd out for good.  It was hard for DH at first, but eventually we settled into the peace and quiet and got on with our lives. He kept the lines of communication open with SS as much as he could, but we had already spent ungodly amounts of money on court, and even his own attorney advised he drop it and give it some time. I was at the end of my rope and ready to leave, so he stopped the court battle.

Recently BM went after more Child Support (age 21 state) and after she found out it's possible to end child support completely due to alienation while in court, doesn't SS18 turn up again! He's every bit as enmeshed with BM as he ever was, and well on his way to Failure to Launch. He barely graduated high school. He's in community college now but we don't see that working out. 

He and I always got along well, on the surface, he's a polite and pleasant person - who lies, manipulates and has zero sense of himself other than how BM defines him. DH is glad to have a relationship again with SS, but he is not a Disney Dad and does not have rose-colored glasses on. He has always put me first and sees his son for exactly who he is. He's never been one to give SS what he wants to keep him around and he's never let him disrespect me.

The first CS case was dismissed but BM just summoned DH again for a second effort. So we are back on the crazy train again.



thinkthrice's picture

Maybe he can run off with my PASed out SD and we can both end the gravy train for our greedy BMs!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Whenever appropriate I always use your term, "drop the rope." So sorry SS is back in your life.

twoviewpoints's picture

So how does that work after three years? 

'Hello. Father. Mother wants additional CS, so here I am. Did you miss me?'


Welcome back, Tog

tog redux's picture

Thanks, guys. 

Basically, after 3.5 years of PAS, SS one day replied to an email and we’ve carried on as if the lost years never happened. He’s been over a few hours every week, and has been helping around the house for money. 

SS is not really the issue, though his willful obliviousness about who BM is drives me crazy.  He’s basically Buster on Arrested Development. BM is the problem.  She does not want to let go of legal control over DH  


Exjuliemccoy's picture

Welcome back, tog! I remember you quite well.

You helped a lot of members with your no nonsense advice, and I'm sorry to hear your BM is still at it.

beebeel's picture

Tog!!! Oh, how you have been missed as the resident therapist! ❤

I used to be LadyFace. My skids PASed out more than two years ago (right after my son was born). Failure to launch SS18 moved in with us two months ago. I'm sorry you're dealing with a similar turn of events. I can't wait to lose this extra 350 pounds.

tog redux's picture


Thankfully, unless BM dies, SS is not living with us - no way, no how. 

blayze's picture

TOG!!! I haven’t even read your post. Just got excited seeing your name! One of the most level headed and helpful posters this site has ever seen. MUCH LOVE 

Survivingstephell's picture

Hey Tog, I was fightincrazytrain and remember your story.  So sorry you find yourself back here but not surprised.  I hope DH is not rug sweeping the alienation under the rug and holding SS accountable for all the bad stuff he did.  There really is no way to win him back with your crazy ass BM.  I see your only goal as minimizing the bleed from the wallet.  


tog redux's picture

Hello! He's not rug-sweeping so much as just waiting to see how this plays out. He's not the type to fawn over SS or make him the prodigal son, but also, SS himself is not really responsible for the alienation. 

I agree that our main goal is to try to get a fair deal in court and hope that time open's SS's eyes. She can only grub for money for so long.