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2020 Predictions - T minus 12 months to launch

tog redux's picture

This is the final year of Child Support - but also the final year that SSstb20 can stay in the U.S. on his current visa (though technically, he has a six-month grace period before he has to leave).  Here are the options, as I see them:


  • He can return to Canada and get a job there (that's his current plan, though his job plans are not realistic, IMO, and he seems to be making minimal effort to get his license which is required for the job he wants).
  • He can get a green card through us
  • BM can figure out how to get a green card for him (ie, marry her BF, maybe get SS's sister to get him one if she's gotten her citizenship)
  • He can get a Student Visa and return to community college in the hope of getting good enough grades to then go to BM's college for free
  • He can do nothing and overstay his visa - he can probably get away with it as long as he doesn't leave the country or no one reports him (DH says he will, but I don't know if he really will). It's not like ICE is on the lookout for illegal Canadians.


I'm very happy we are down to one year, but ... will BM take DH back to court? Will he have to pay for more useless community college classes? DH is afraid BM will try to force him in court to pay for the entire green card - he's offered to pay half, BM has not made any offer to help.  I don't believe he can succeed in college given the utter absence of any work ethic, but it's not beyond the realm of possibility that BM will push him to try, costing DH more money.

I will be expecting a court summons at any time ... and I can't wait for the CS to be done so I never have to deal with that again. 


justmakingthebest's picture

Will the courts make your DH pay for a green card for a 20+ yr old?? That just seems over the top! I have a hard time with CS to 21, but adding keeping him documented in a country where he is making no real contributions just seems like serious government overstepping! 

tog redux's picture

Who knows. They seem to do whatever a woman wants.  He brought up that he wanted SS to have a green card when they were last in court for the college tuition, and the court said they couldn't do anything because per BM, he wanted to go to college, and they had no other information otherwise. If BM wants it, I'm guessing they'd order him to pay half - which he's already offered.  I'm hoping it's out of their jurisdiction, but who knows.

somethingwicked's picture


SS has so many options that ,if he put any effort forward, would make his future prospects so much more promising than if he does nothing (the last bullet) .

Is there anything in the state law that could extend skid  CS say if he does continue in college?

Did you mention in another earlier blog that SS has an older brother in Canada that would house him? 

I hope he has matured enough to see he has to decide to do something and not just skate thinking everything will work out fine. He very well  would get deported in time.



tog redux's picture

I don't believe there is any precedent for CS going past 21 under any circumstances, so that's good. He does have a brother in Canada but he doesn't want to live there because his niece and nephew annoy him.

He hasn't matured at all. He says he won't overstay his visa, but he's lying to himself about his unrealistic plans, so he could full well go into a complete depression and be unable to make any decision, and just stay put.

Gimlet's picture

Don't you love when these "mothers" use their kids to satisfy their own emotional needs, cripple them in the process, and then act surprised when they are immature and unable to navigate life? 

tog redux's picture

Oh, she totally doesn't want him to leave. Why else would she not agree to pay for half of the green card? If he goes the Student Visa route, he'll be totally dependent on her for a minimum of 5 more years. That's her dream.

Gimlet's picture

What a terrible consolation prize, truly.  Why would you want to child to be dependent and never have a fulfilling life of his or her own? 

I think the same may be true of BM and OSS, although I worry that someday she'll tire of the dynamic and try to force him out after she's crippled him.  He would need a ton of counseling and she's brainwashed him into thinking it's all a sham.   He's "not smart enough" for college (and college is "stupid" anyway), or even for a trade school.  Since he was elevated to partner status, he also doesn't think he has to listen to DH about anything and acts more like a spouse to her than a child.  So f*cking bizarre. 

tog redux's picture

DH thinks once Child Support stops, she will dump SS on us - which could be true, since him overstaying could jeopardize her visa too - we'll see, I doubt it.  I think she just doesn't have much else in her life - she does have a BF, but they haven't moved in together after 7 years or so, so I don't what's going on there.  I also think it gives her a link to DH.

ETA: Whoops, that was meant as a reply to Gimlet.