tog redux's Blog
So, when we left off, my SS20 had to leave the country by age 21, or get another type of visa in order to stay, as he has been a dependent on his mother's visa and that ends at 21. In typical Failure to Launch fashion, he has been doing exactly NOTHING to achieve that, other than the usual lying to himself about what he was going to do, playing video games, watching TV, and eating. Child Support also ends at 21 here, so DH has been giving BM 1K per month to help support this grown man while he does the above activities - 10 more payments due.
This is the final year of Child Support - but also the final year that SSstb20 can stay in the U.S. on his current visa (though technically, he has a six-month grace period before he has to leave). Here are the options, as I see them:
That SS19 spent a holiday with us. Last time was Christmas of 2014, he was alienated shortly after in early 2015. He came back into our lives in 2018 but did not see us on any holidays.
Things went fine, he's not the dramatic type, and it didn't appear that BM was home when we went to get him (possibly). DH wants to cook another meal next weekend with SS and any friends he wants to invite.
SS19 came over last night, with 2 friends, for a BBQ at our house - last cook-out of the season, most likely. It's nice that he's bringing his friends by - they are all friends from the alternative high school program he attended but they are nice kids, and they are all either working or going to community college, or both. SS and his friend helped us move some furniture that I couldn't help DH with, which was nice. SS is a nice kid as far as surface impressions go.
Around this time last year, BM took DH to court to get more Child Support and to force him to help pay for SS19's college tuition. At that time, DH had not seen SS in 2.5 years or even heard one word from him in over a year. SS was alienated at age 15. We saw him twice around 16, and then not again until last year this time, when he was 18.5.
Update #1: We are now told the Ex-GF has been arrested, apparently for assault on a family member. That's all we know now! At least she will be in jail while he's there, hopefully.
SS19 is still dealing with the fall-out from his attraction to crazy girls and his most recent break-up. She served him with a summons last week after they broke up, exact reason unclear. He apparently does have to fly to her city to meet with her and her attorney and get something notarized. DH offered his help in sorting it out, but SS declined, most likely because he's not being honest about his own part in this. But anyway - he talked to the ex-GF last night (I'm sure she's using these legal matters as an excuse to engage with him ... hmm, that sounds familiar).
Last report, my SS19 was dating an older woman - we thought she was 26 or 27, turns out she's "just" 23. She lives in another state, they met online via gaming, and they'd been dating long-distance (traveling periodically to see each other) for about a year? Maybe more. DH met her and she seemed just what you'd think an older woman dating a teen boy would be - crazy.
SS19 came over yesterday for Memorial Day, for a cook-out, and we actually had a very good time. I've been trying to let go of my anger at him for the years of alienation and how he's treated DH, and as he and DH get closer, it's been easier to do that. SS has been pleasant, and while I still find his lying and bullshitting toxic, I'm willing to give him a chance. Overall, we had a nice time. A year ago, neither of us would have imagined him back in our lives.
DH had dinner with SS19 tonight. He wants to take the year off from college next year. He says he doesn't like school (what a surprise), and he's been fighting with BM. DH asked about the green card (without telling him BM had emailed him) and he said he "had always been interested in getting one". Uh-huh. DH told him he'd need to come up with the money (about $2000) and that perhaps he should ask BM, since DH was paying her a lot of money in child support every month.