tog redux's Blog
So apparently, SS21 now has his green card (through BM) and is taking 4 classes at BM's college. I don't know how you do that without matriculating, and I know damn well he didn't get into that school with his crap grades in high school and failed year in community college. Last we heard he was planning on a degree in Nanotechnology, going for a Ph.D - which will take eight years, he says (eight more years of being under BM's rule, since he has to be a dependent on her taxes to get free tuition, and I'm not even sure it applies to graduate school tuition)
SSstb21 came over today to get his Christmas present - he actually brought one for DH! And he said he got his Driver's license 3 weeks ago, and is enrolled in courses at BM's college (free tuition) for the spring. No Green Card yet, so he can't work, but he hopes to soon. BM gave him her old car, though he didn't drive over tonight because she was using it - apparently she got in an accident with her new one. Someone else's fault, of course.
My SS turns 21 in January, so DH is preparing to send his last child support check. Yes, it's a little early, but since BM is paranoid about him depositing money directly into her account (she thinks he will somehow get her bank account number - yes, she teaches Computer Science, but whatever). So that means the bank has to mail it to her, and with the holidays, she won't get it too early. He's already paid his final health insurance payment to her, last month.
When we last left off, SS20 had a big fight with Mommy Dearest, and she had told him she was getting her green card by June, and since he was a dependent on her prior visa, he would therefore be unable to stay in the country once she got a green card, and he'd have to get out of her house. He was texting DH all kinds of rotten things about BM and how much he would never speak to her again, yadda yadda.
So, when we left off, my SS20 had to leave the country by age 21, or get another type of visa in order to stay, as he has been a dependent on his mother's visa and that ends at 21. In typical Failure to Launch fashion, he has been doing exactly NOTHING to achieve that, other than the usual lying to himself about what he was going to do, playing video games, watching TV, and eating. Child Support also ends at 21 here, so DH has been giving BM 1K per month to help support this grown man while he does the above activities - 10 more payments due.
This is the final year of Child Support - but also the final year that SSstb20 can stay in the U.S. on his current visa (though technically, he has a six-month grace period before he has to leave). Here are the options, as I see them:
That SS19 spent a holiday with us. Last time was Christmas of 2014, he was alienated shortly after in early 2015. He came back into our lives in 2018 but did not see us on any holidays.
Things went fine, he's not the dramatic type, and it didn't appear that BM was home when we went to get him (possibly). DH wants to cook another meal next weekend with SS and any friends he wants to invite.
SS19 came over last night, with 2 friends, for a BBQ at our house - last cook-out of the season, most likely. It's nice that he's bringing his friends by - they are all friends from the alternative high school program he attended but they are nice kids, and they are all either working or going to community college, or both. SS and his friend helped us move some furniture that I couldn't help DH with, which was nice. SS is a nice kid as far as surface impressions go.
Around this time last year, BM took DH to court to get more Child Support and to force him to help pay for SS19's college tuition. At that time, DH had not seen SS in 2.5 years or even heard one word from him in over a year. SS was alienated at age 15. We saw him twice around 16, and then not again until last year this time, when he was 18.5.
Update #1: We are now told the Ex-GF has been arrested, apparently for assault on a family member. That's all we know now! At least she will be in jail while he's there, hopefully.