My two all-time favorites:

1: "It's not fair that you (DH) and Harley get to do stuff all the time like concerts and vacations!" Said in an incredibly whining voice. Get a job dipshit!

2: "I didn't know he needed to be in a car seat. I can't afford to buy one!" Once again, said in a whiny voice. Dipshit, there are billboards ALL OVER TOWN with the website where you can find this information. And booster seats only cost $20 at Wal-Mart. Give up your cigs for a week or two and you will be able to afford it!

BM2 "Well you can't see his face in the pics"

when DH forwarded 20 some pics from SS15 Instagram of him smoking dope, in possession of dope baggies, pipes, cigs, etc.

"Now that you have a two household income, I should get more CS."

HA! Even if we were married, you still would't be able to get any of MY money, dumbass! Support YOUR kid and stop spending money on stupid shit for YOURSELF!

"You're out there buying DIAMONDS and taking CRUISES living the GOOD LIFE while your daughter suffers!"

BM says to DH. BM is receiving over 400 a month CS, only has SD 60% of the time, & she said this to DH when she found out he proposed to me & we went on a cruise after I graduated. Lol.

It was DH's fault BM was struggling, not hers - even though she got fired from her job for cussing out her boss, & was a waitress part time at the time. She needed more money even though her daycare & food for SD were free, via govt assistance. -rolls eyes-

1. BM to SD14: There are two incomes in their household ask your dad for lunch money.

My response: Lady I didn't birth your kid and I'm busy paying my own BS14 lunch money. Maybe I can send him over to you if I'm short.

2. SD14 to DH: It's ok dad mom and I understand that you have another family and you really don't have time for us.

My response: this is after DH begged this little heifer to come for her visits, we had not seen her for 2 months and she stopped answering her phone. BM never answers her phone. All of this is because I would not agree to let her spend her 3 week christmas vacation alone in our home while DH and I worked an hour away with no supervision.

Scene: (at a special ed committee so that the BM could get SD labeled as 'learning disabled' to cover for her BFFing)

They actually asked ME what I thought of the highly spoiled and manipulative SD :jawdrop: although, at the time, I was just there for moral support (back when I cared)

Me: "I find SD to be extremely bright and clever--no need for special ed"
Biodad: "I see she (SD at the time eight yrs old) is failing--why not just hold her back a year?"
BM (all six feet of her dramatically standing up and bawling in front of the special ed committee)
"Buuuutttt what about her FRIENDDDDSSSSS??!! She NEEDS to be TESTED!!!"

SD only has two thug friends who she is constantly tormenting to this day--she continues to crater fail special ed because learning isn't always FUN and the BM NEVER makes her snookums, now 15, do anything she doesn't want to do (including homework or classwork)

I think the best ever was BM telling administrators at the school that she and DH were still married (even though she was re-married at the time with a new last name) and that I was DH's mistress (even though I have the same last name)

How much time do you have, because this one could go on for days for me.... BM is a CHRONIC over-sharer

-"You should buy me an apartment, I did give BIRTH to YOUR SON"
-"I only smoke weed when he is sleeping"
-"I ran out of clean dishes, so I threw them away and bought plastic stuff"
-"Remember that thing I thought was a spider bite on my V***na, turns out I have herpes, I hope I gave it to that guy"
-"Well, the fact that he (my DH) told me I have no place having another baby, just proves he still cares about me"
-"I was pregnant when he (my DH) and I started dating, I had an abortion because I knew he would break up with me if I was knocked up by some other dude"
-"I make more money on unemployment so I'm not looking for a job. Plus, if I get a job and go to work every day, my boyfriend will cheat on me"
-"Now everyone will think we are sisters, that's so cool". (When DH and I married, now we have the same last name)
-"I'm not ready to admit that I can't take care of SS"
-"I found that picture frame in my neighbors trash can, can you believe they just threw it out?"
-"I don't really have any friends, you are the closest person to a friend that I have"
-"I am trying so hard to get pregnant, I WANT to have his baby, even though he told me he doesn't want anymore"
-"I'm pregnant" (TWICE since I have known her... aborted both, and 3 BEFORE I met her)
-"He (my DH) will ALWAYS love me, I am the MOTHER of his CHILD"
-"I am sad that my BF and I broke up, but it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it did when (my DH) left me"

I could seriously go on for days. I have 10 years worth of this crap I could share with you.

Hand me my jack and coke....

"I don't feel that is relevant to this court hearing." BM said to the judge when the judge asked her where she was working and how many hours.

BM: The skids have to come back Thursday night (from holiday break) because their school starts back again on Friday
Me: (checks school website)
DH: Nope, the website says that school doesn't start until Monday.
BM: OH, I mean that SD has a gymnastics meet that she HAS to attend
(DH to SD: Do you have a meet on Friday SD: No, it's just a practice and no big deal if I miss it.)
DH: NO. I will have them back Sunday as planned previously

Then there was her interpretation of the CO that said she was supposed to submit medical receipts 6 months from the date incurred for DH to have to pay his half in 30 days. She loved to save them up and hit us with all 6 months worth of inflated medical bills for 2 healthy skids.
BM: "'Incurred' means AFTER the insurance pays their portion."
DH: "So, if the insurance pays nothing, you never incur a bill?"

BM: "How could you get CS lowered while we were on vacation??"
DH: "I went to the hearing you had set up for me. How could you take my kids on a month long vacation thousands of miles away without telling me??"

BM: "You HAVE to teach SS how to read better or he will have to go to summer school! He's falling behind!" After she took the skids out of school for a month long vacation. DH never responded because he just helped his kid learn what he was having issues with. Since he wouldn't get frustrated and start screaming at him, like BM did.

Boy, so many others but that's enough for now, I think.

BM to biodad shortly after separation: "YOU OWE ME YOUR ENTIRE SALARY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE"

And biodad BELIEVED her--bit my head off six months in for suggesting he get a CO and not direct deposit his ENTIRE pay into her account!!

past ones -

"well DH i have no idea WHERE they got THAT from." um, YOU.

over the phone - "he's giving me a hard time with his homework- you need to deal with him." dh- "yss, listen to your mother and do your homework." ss- "ok."

"well good luck with that- anything more than 30 mins in the car with them and i'll HAVE to have my nuuuurve pills." (this said directly to me regarding our upcoming vacay w/ the skids.)

"i dont know about you but I just LIIIVE for MYYYY weekends."

recent ones -

"you dont understand how hard it is." yes, we do. but we make sure we KEEP our jobs and PAY our bills and generally live responsibly.

"that's not enough i need to see him more (re: CO/visitation, which she hasnt exercised at all in the 7 wks since)
"if it's not about the money then why are you asking for child support?" CUZ THEY'RE YOUR EFFING KIDS TOO
"fine whatever just tell me where to sign?" (re: CO)

"of course i'll be there, son!" or "alright i'll call you right back" they've heard these far too many times lately.

BM to SD: Mommy had a baby in her tummy but it died. (After BM broke up with BF for trying to trap him. Found out BM wasn't pregnant at all)

BM to SO: You didn't give me an answer. (SO and BM discussing changing the schedule. BM wanted different days. SO kept saying no.)

BM to SO: Libra is not allowed to hold SD, brush her hair, put her to bed, place her in the car seat, or any other "mother" duties.

BM to SO: I need to move to XXXX City which is 50 miles away. You must give me permission to move SD. I want to move in with my BF of 4 months because he is "the One" (2 months later they broke up)

BM to SO: Libra has no say on where we (SO, Libra, BM, and SD) move. (During a conversation where BM wanted us all to move to a different city so she could be closer to her new bf.)

These are just the most current.