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Giving up on this blended nightmare

Tired_unblended's picture


I am new and found this while searching for help. Super long storey me and my husband now married 3 years together 6 have 4 kids together from previous marriages I have 2 grown one living at home.  he has two daughters that are with us every other weekend and holidays etc. I tried my best treating them as my own and my family opened arms to them.  My husband's ex has slowly and viciously since they were little worked them against me. This was enabled by my husband who gives in to anything she wanted and never set boundaries to respect our relationship. She would tell the kids I hate their mom and am a bad person in fact they were not allowed near me for the first 6 months that we moved in together and he allowed that too which started it off bad.   BM  guilts them from having a relationship they are not even allowed to go home happy about anything like when I taught them to ride bikes or anything special we did BTW she's been remarried exact amount of time as well.  Well it's working they come over with attitude and I mean rude ! Spitting in my car, drawing on things feet and dirty shoes and hands all over my walls and kicking my furniture  they should  know better they are 9 and 10. They do not appreciate a thing,  never a thank you and are rude to anyone who does anything for them to the point I asked my family to stop doing anything for them. My husband does nothing at all and I am giving up. I heard similar comments like hiding out or taking off and cringing expecially when husband wants to keep them longer and I feel horrible. I loved them and was such a good step mom but I can't take it any more and it's getting worse. I have talked to my husband he does nothing at all and doesn't like to deal with it or talk about it. I feel alone. Mother's Day nothing from them bday no happy bday and literally everything I do is wrong and not how their mom does it which I am fine with she's nuts and I am glad to be nothing like her 

I try to teach them manors BTW I want them to be good likeable people but they are totally overprivelleged, spoiled beyond rotten , rude and my every other weekend is making no difference whatsoever. They used to love me a lot but the relentless guilt and bashing by BM has taken toll. 

I feel like jumping ship I never wanted this horrible blended situation any advice ? I was the step mom I would only wish for my kids to have and don't deserve it no one does it's a thankless job I get it but really do. But do we have to put up with being treated like trash by everyone ? My kids however are very respectful and treat my husband like their own dad. This was important to me and I made sure he was treated well this supoorted a relationship that flourished  and I guess that's the difference right there 


Booboobear's picture

Welcome!  hire a camera crew to follow you all around the house, then pop some corn and sit down as a family to watch all the adventures together.  maybe they will recognize their bad behavior or maybe you could use it for a u-tube channel.  

Iamwoman's picture

Your DH is the problem here. If my DH weren’t so heavy handed with skids, they would be just as horrible. They were/are very PAS’d by BM. They have done disgusting or nasty things because they were taught to hate me and disrespect DH. Fortunately, DH stood his ground and made them respect me and himself. 

They may or may not like us (it’s unpredictable and usually based on whatever drama they’ve endured at HCBM’s or whatever lies they’ve been told recently), but because DH enforces rules, boundaries, and manners, they are tolerable EOW.

You said your kids act fine and treat DH with respect. That’s because you MADE them. You stepped your game up as a parent. Your DH isn’t doing the same for you. If he did, you wouldn’t have most of these problems.

I dont blame you for wanting out. Skids will not get better, and after 6 years it sounds like DH won’t either.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

100% agree ^^^!

Skids may be PAS'd but your DH is the problem in your home. If he does not start parenting and disciplining skids things will never change.

tog redux's picture

Agreed. My SS wasn't PAS'd against me, but he was against DH. DH held him to behaving appropriately in our home and didn't let him disrespect either of us. Eventually he just stopped coming over entirely.

Sad for DH, but better than him allowing the kid to run amok in our home and have a free-for-all (like he does at BM's).