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Tiger7's picture

I am older than my SO and my 3 kids are grown. 1 is on her own and 2 live with me still - one working and trying to save for her own place and the other finishing last semester at college. I've been separated, then divorced from their dad since my youngest was one. Did not date for 19 years cause I didn't want the drama of another man / kids in my life while raising mine. Youngest went off to college 4 yrs ago and I started to date then. My SO has 2 daughters 15 & 17. He also has a son in another state. I tried not to get serious with him cause I didn't want to have anything to do with raising any more kids. Told him that so many time and still he pursued. We have been living together for a year and saw his girls sometimes. The BM is a sociopath - she wouldn't answer calls if she was mad, wouldn't let him see his girls, not even on father's day or birthday, etc. He finally took her to court just a few months ago to modify custody order. During the hearings, we got them EVERY weekend. Now that the trial is done, I just found out its every other WEEK during the summers and once school starts it will be every other weekend.
We just completed the one week visit. The girls are nice kids, but make bad choices & they're very immature. I do not want them alone in my house while we're working (we're out of the house about 10 hrs per day). I know she will want to have friends over and biggest issue is that I bet the BM will come over just so she can snoop around my house. She's a hustler among other things.
Am I wrong for not wanting them to spend a week at a time in my home when we're not there? Plus we really don't have room - they're sleeping in the living room.


twoviewpoints's picture

" and their dad changed his work schedule because he knows I don't want them home alone."

This from your profile is a plus. At least Dad is taking your concerns seriously. But now what about the house being too small? I'd not want two teenage females sleeping all week in my livingroom.

Any chance you and SO have plans to expand your living space? Is this the home you're been living in for years? I can understand Dad wanting time with his girls. Heck he just fought in court to get this chance...but sounds like he needed to do some steps first as to how you all were going to fit in the current home.

BM? Just say 'no'. At no time does the woman need to be in your home. None. With school starting again soon, you'll have the girls just every other weekend. If you can't trust to go out and about your routine weekend life without fear the girls are letting BM in, sat up video recorders. You'll know what is going on in your home and who is coming and going.

Tiger7's picture

He does care about how I feel..and I feel awful putting him in the position to have to decide. He says he didn't realize the court order said every other week but when he found out, he did ask his lawyer to get that changed. We are looking for a bigger place - I want to be fair. He's a really good man who loves his kids. I know I can only deal with them every other weekend though. We just dropped them off back home this morning and the oldest called him with an obvious lie to try to come back to our house tonight. He was actually going to pick them up tonight but I told him no way

Tiger7's picture

As for the BM - the girls are afraid of her so if she comes around while we're not home, I'm sure they won't say no to her.

Tiger7's picture

After I posted yesterday, SO and I had a good talk. He was actually going to bring his girls back here tonight after a pool party but I said no way to that too. this is our weekend together. So, last night we went on a date to a comedy club - good time, we both needed that adult time. Today we spent all day together - not even my adult children were home - really good day.

Tiger7's picture

Next week we're supposed to have his 2 girls for the week (15 & 17) but I am still not comfortable leaving them in the house alone for 10 hours a day for 5 days. They were at a pool party this past weekend and we were told by 3 of his relatives that they just cut up & acted out, embarrassing their cousin, being disrespectful etc. We talked about this upcoming week and compromised that he would pick them up after work everyday and drop them back home in the mornings so they won't be at our house alone, unsupervised. The ex-wife is livid and so is the 17 yr old. This is how they operate: they both threatened him with calling the police. Seriously? Too much drama. He feels like he's turning his back on his daughters. I still feel bad for putting him in this position but told him to not give in to blackmail. His 17 yr has learned all these bad habits from her mom. He needs to teach her that if she doesn't get her way, she cannot threatened people Am I wrong?