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Future SIL and I still not speaking

Tiger7's picture

Since SIL called to go off about events that had nothing to do with me (previous blog), we have not spoken...that was 12/23. She recently sent a group text that I was included in letting everyone know she's having her usual Superbowl party and she wanted a head count. I didn't respond. SO did text back to say he was coming. Her next text was to ask if SD16 & SD18 were coming cause she needed that head count. He said no, just he was coming. 4 days later, I saw a missed call from her. I texted to say I was about to get on a conference call at work & I would call later. She said she dialed me by mistake and thought she hung up before it went through. Ok, all good. Later that night, she texted me again to say "I meant to ask, are you coming to the superbowl party with SO? U were invited". I replied, No, just he is coming. SO was a little upset - thinks I'm being too rigid. He agrees that she owes me the apology but he just wants us all to move on and get along again. He saw his younger sister yesterday and she asked him what was going on between us. The two sisters are thisclose so I'm sure she got the story. Apparently she thinks I'm right but she said her sister will not apologize - that's how she is. I'm not one to let somebody treat me any old kind of way and then get buddy buddy again when they feel like it. I can very happily go on about my business and live my life without giving you a second thought. However...I also don't want tension in the family and this is bothering SO very much. Am I taking this too far? Should I call her and hash it out? I feel like everyone in the family gives her a pass on being a b*tch.

Comments

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Honestly, she doesn't sound like one I would want a relationship with. If she calls to apologize, I'd let her know what your boundaries are and what you won't put up with. If she can behave herself and act like an adult, well then you will forgive and forget otherwise who needs that? Not you.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

She sounds like my SIL (whom I secretly call my b!tchster-in-law). My BIL considers herself better than everyone, has a mean girl mentality, and is - hands down - a beeyotch. I'm glad my brother is happy, but I bloody well can't stand her. BIL has said some nasty things to me. She will never apologize because she sees nothing wrong with her actions.

My BIL is a Toxic Person. I no longer allow Toxic People to be part of my life. Yes, she is married to my brother, but that makes her HIS problem. Because my parents raised me to have manners, I am polite to her. If we go to their house, I tell her Hello, Thank You For Having Us Over, and Goodbye. If we are at another family member's house, I will say Hello and Goodbye. I do not ask her anything personal. She has asked me a few times how I am. My consistent reply is Fine, Thank You. That's it.

This has been going on for almost 30 years. In the beginning, I was quite upset and let it bother me. BIL is not going to change, so I had to change my reaction. I no longer let it bother me because SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. Other family members can discuss the weather with her. I have nothing to say to her other than what I wrote above.

Eff your SIL. SHE IS NOT WORTH YOUR EMOTION so don't let her rent space in your head.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

What is it with these families who have designated a@@h@le members who reign supreme? And the rest of the world is just expected to roll over, expose their bellies and maybe piddle a little when interacting with them? Not bloody likely.

DH has a sister, a daughter, and a female cousin who are to varying degrees like this. No one ever calls them out on their crap, so their particular shortcomings have gotten worse with time.

I say hash it out - constructively, or course. You'll be doing her a big favor, and she'll give you a wide berth. I sucked it up for years, and it only empowered the offenders.

Tiger7's picture

The party is at her house and she would definitely approach me. But I think she'll just act like nothing happened. I would like us to get past this because I adore his family, most family get togethers are at her house, she is a damn good hostess (best food and drinks, etc) and we normally get along great. I just don't want to sweep this under the rug cause she'll keep doing it. If I get to talk to her before the party, then maybe we can hash it out. I won't go if we can't talk first.

pixielady's picture

OMG my SIL is my b -in-law too! She's the one who reigns supreme and decides what's right and what's wrong, and according to her, me having boundaries that include not spending time with BM in my own home, not allowing her AT MY WEDDING, you know, for SSs sake, is WRONG.

Unbelievable these SILs.

pixielady's picture

I think that subconsciously they make themselves BMs proxy in order to "protect" skids, which is why a lot of them think it's ok to treat SM like shite. That's my psychobabble anyway. Smile

Acratopotes's picture

I would go, no problem, and I will be polite lol..... but I will never trust her again and I will never be friendly with her again.
Not even if she apologize..... I do this with all off SO's siblings..