The child broke something, mom is making her replace it(teaching the kid to be responsible/accountable for her actions).

Dad did not have to deposit the money into your joint account. He could have gone to the bank with the girls and had them each open their accounts.

Of course, that would have prevented him from intervening in the lesson mom is trying to teach.

A $75 garage sale candle? Really?

BM here used to take things that were given to the skids.

SD had a laptop, a grad gift from DHs parents, BM took it with her to oil city when got a job there. SD stayed at her house in our city and could use the house computer, BM needed the laptop, SD didn't.

SS got a prepaid cell phone from the same grandparents, BM took it and used it because she had business to do while on the road, besides SS shouldn't have a phone in school.

We rented SD a car, hers had been in an accident, BM took it to go visit her father and left SD with her POS because she didn't want to break down on the road. If SD broke down she'd be able to get help quickly.

We gave $$ directly to the skid for school. They both had scholarships for tuition but needed money for food and rent. They'd budgeted and we approved the budgets. She would take some of it from them and tell them to ask us for more. Because we were trying to teach them how to budget we never gave them any extra.

I'm so happy that they are on their own, working and any thing they give her is coming straight from them.

You may want to open each of the girls their own accounts that are joint w/their father, that way BM can't accuse you guys of *stealing* their money.

While I don't agree with Bm making the kid pay 75$ for a candle, your DH isn't helping them in the long run by helping them hide their money from their mom to keep them from paying her. Think about it, if she's crazy enough to charge her kid 75$ for a candle, then she's going to explode on them when she finds out they gave their dad their money instead of her. Yes, yes, I know "y'all don't need it" but a BM like this isnt going to see it that way. She views the children as extensions of herself and therefore their money is HER money and y'all have taken it from her. Does it make sense? No, not to us normal people. Your DH is setting those girls up for a world of trouble. If anything, he should call Bm and asked her about this candle and when she tells him the girl owes her money he should tell Bm he will give the girl 20$ out of her savings (from the money she's been working for) to pay for the candle, but the rest is not to be touched. He needs to tell BM the girls already have to put up money for their future: car, insurance, gas, college, etc so she can have her 20$ but the rest of their money is already accounted for. I would also suggest your skids get their own bank accounts which they can with their dads help (if he truly wants to help and NOT control them) and have their employers direct deposit because once BM finds out the girls are opting to let him take charge of their money she's going to intervene and "go pick up their checks for them" or take it from them before they get to their dads.

My own BM is like this. She did that to me when I was a working teen. She worked but we struggled mostly. I gave it out of force and tried to see it as helping. However we do not have a good relationship now as a result (plus other stuff too). You can bet they'll resent her for it.

My s kids mom did similar. They would have to pay for 've bills. They learned to not let mom know what they earned.to this day as adults they give her monry.

First of all, I buy stupid expensive candles and have yet to come across a $75 one lol my most expensive is the henry bendel candle I bought (don't ask why) but it was only $30. And I keep it, along with any other expensive items, out of my SDs reach so she can't wreck them. She once wrecked one of my bath and body works candles but she's 5 so I guess it's different lol

This is definitely a dumb ploy to take their money, and it's quite sad. If a child wrecks something, even at 15, punish them at the time. IE tell them "you are going to pay me back this much" or "you are going to do these chores to make up for it" you don't wait until a long time later than demand money when they get it. That's not punishment, that's using an excuse to take money from a child.

When I was in high school 50+ years ago, I dinged a car getting out of a parking lot. I'd just had a poem published. The money that I received was the same as the deductible for the car I hit. I had to use that money to pay for the damages.

I'm still kind of in awe that that I made that much money for a stupid poem I wrote at 15.

But it was nothing like having $75 made up for an imaginary candle.

I like the idea of the account where you can deposit but not withdraw any money. They could keep some pocket money and deposit the rest. That would be teaching them how to save and how to budget the cash that they kept out.

I believe that teaching children to be responsible is important and if they damaged another persons property they should have to replace it or pay for it. Maybe you could have the SS find a replacement on line. Might be cheaper than handing over $75.00 and would take care of the candle issue although I am sure that the candle is just an excuse.