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The weirdness continues...SD17 and boyfriend (ex)

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 7:37am

So her boyfriend broke up with her about a month ago...they are still "friends" he is playing her and hanging out with her when it's convenient and still telling he the loves her...and she is hoping by being friends he will take her back....typical teen stuff I'm sure. She's not allowed at his house apparently but he comes over BMs 2 days a week after school and then SD drives him to practice. BM tried to ban him from coming over but SD cried and screamed and begged....so it's allowed.

here is where it's weird....she's crying to DH and BM and MIL over the BF...missing school because of it...grades suffering because of it....DH and BM are discusssing it.... I would honestly say that SD is obsessed with this boy....

this is weird right? She does not have one single girl friend......other than my DD15. I mean....I just feel like most teens don't cry to daddy and mommy and grandma over this for weeks and typically have a friend or friends to vent too.  
 

MIL is in tears daily over it....DH is beside himself and I'm like WTF?  This was a year long relationship.....and people are losing their minds.

Comments

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Submitted by futurestepmomno... on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 8:16am

This SD needs to learn to cope with break ups/rejection. My 17 year old cousin who committed suicide last August, killed herself after her bf broke up with her, wouldn’t take her back, then rejected her for the final time by refusing to talk to her/take her phone calls. My cousin did suffer from depression and due to the way her BM rejected her basically her whole life, she impulsively took her own life when she was home alone for a few hours and the ex bf wouldn’t take her calls or text her back. I am not saying your SD will do the same, my cousin had battles with her mental health, but not as severely that she needed to be institutionalized/watched/be on daily meds. However, I have noticed that the generation under mine (I am 26) does not know how to take rejection, bad news, etc. I don’t know if it is because the generation is more coddled or because of “everyone gets a trophy” mentality, but I will say there is definitely a difference on coping skills.

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 8:25am

I'm so sorry to hear that! 

i do agree! SD here is also rejected by BM who is a drunk and yells at her non stop that she is worthless and pathetic and on and on.

sadly the BF was SDs escape from her crazy mother so she is probably taking it harder than a "normal" teenager.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Submitted by futurestepmomno... on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 9:01am

My family has come to accept that unfortunately, if it wasn't this than it might be something else later that would drive her to make the same impulsive decision. It is especially hard because my cousin told the bf and he read the messages that she was going to do what she did and he didn't tell ANYONE, they were together for 2-3 years so he had the ability to.

That is awful! My cousin's BM would not see her unless my uncle gave her money to have her over or if he paid for them to get food, etc. She even didn't want my cousin in her wedding when she was getting re-married, etc. The BM tried "sexing" her up basically from when she was 10 to telling her she needs to wear make up and dress provocatively, etc. It was definitely an impulsive decision because she had filled out that afternoon the form for my uncle to sign for her new class schedule, but it all comes down to she couldn't take the rejection and says so in the note she left. She had seen a therapist and was seeming a lot better and not that she was a danger to herself either.

So personally, to me, it is very important to teach children at a young age how to cope and especially with rejection.

I bet that does have a lot to do with it! I just hope she hangs in there and doesn't take it too hard because life does go on and things do get better.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 9:32am

Your step daughter has abandonment issues. I actually feel bad for her. Trust me feeling bad for a step daughter is not something I do often. Especially after dealing with my ex step daughter. Yours needs a good therapist. 

It is weird she has no friends, and she clung heavily to the boyfriend. Again therapy would help with these issues.

I get how this is hard to watch. She is being coddled like a toddler who lost their favorite stuffed animal. 

 

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 10/27/2020 - 9:46am

I feel bad for her also. I really do...it's just bizarre that her outlets are only her parents and grandparent....not friends. She's never been anything but kind to me....and I'm kind to her. it's really DH and BM and MIL who drive me nuts the way they act toward her which enables her to remain like a small child...as you says

she definitely needs a therapist but her whole family are rug sweepers who look the other way on real problems...including DH.