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How is my MIL worse than BM?

this_is_me's picture

So I have been doing my very best to disengage from MIL since her last round of nastyness to me. She calls me I send it to voice mail. She shows up while DH is home I go hide in my bedroom or bathroom. If she comes by and he isnt home I dont answer the door. She invites us somewhere I make sure I have a reason not to go (plans, morning sickness, something) I havent had to deal with her in weeks yay! Ive really been enjoying my peace and sanity. My DH fully understands and does not give me a hard time about it. 

Last night MIL called me... Straight to voice mail. I even said out loud "nope not today" in front of my 15 year old who chuckled because he knows whats up too. She left me a voice mail and because my FIL has had some health issues I do make sure to check the messages she leaves just in case  but I dont want to get stuck on the phone with her so I do make sure she has to leave a message.

Luckily nothing was wrong with FIL, she was calling because she wanted to "take the kids to church" and had called my DH first to ask but since he was out of town with work he told her it would be up to me and she needes to be sure I didnt have plans with the kids. I called DH and asked when he would be in last night because I knew he was on his way and would want to see the kids if he got home early enough. Unfortunately he said he would be late and he was ok with the kids going if I was. I know the kids enjoy going to church and I dont want to take that from them so I reluctantly agreed.

Which means I had to call MIL back to tell her ok.... Que her being mean and hateful to me. She is mad that she is not being kept in the loop about what we are doing in our life in general. She knew we were working on having her guardianship terminated but doesn't know how much progress has been made on it so she started giving me an ear full about how she doesnt want to be responsible for the kids anymore and wants her guardianship terminated right now this week. She said it was because she wont be comfortable filling out the guardianship extention that she has to every year (in April!) Because ahe cant tell them the kids still live with her (note the kids have NEVER lived with her she has been lying every year for the last 8 about this) and her reasoning behind it is because she isn't allowed to see the kids anymore, doesnt know what kinds of living conditions they have and doesnt know if they even go to school anymore!

I lost it! I told her that we have let her see the kids plenty and yes she does know where and how the kids live she shows up any time she wants and that the school thing is the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard and that she needed to remember that these kids have never lived with her. And that she didnt need to worry about filling those papers out in 6 more months she wouldn't have any kind of guardianship by then. And I hung up the phone. Can you believe this woman had the nerve to show up at my house 15 minutes later to get the kids! I would have told her to kick rocks if I had seen her before the kids but unfortunately they ran outside and got in the car all excited to go to church. All I could even manage to say was they need to be home before 8!

Then to top it off when she brought them home she just came right in and proceeded to stand in my house for an hour after I put the kids to bed trying to "make up for upsetting me" 

When DH finally made it home I told him all about her garbage and he was just as angry as I was. He is calling her and his father today to make sure they are both informed that if she continues her nasty behavior towards me then guardianship papers or no they wont be seeing the kids at all. He is finally fed up with her!


Iamwoman's picture

I’m glad your DH is standing up for you. Is his mother insane? Her behavior seems like emotional or mental issues. I’m no shrink, but she’s not normal...

this_is_me's picture

I'm starting to think she has lost her mind for sure. Seriously though she is rapidly approching 70 and I know plenty of people who have lived into their 90 and still had their right mind but she acts like she may have some kind of early dementia or something. She honestly forgets things all the time and will repeat herself 3 or 4 times in a row.

Siemprematahari's picture

Glad your H is very supporting in this and I think she doesn't have it all up there mentally. She also seems to have control issues. How was she with your H when he was growing up? Does he have siblings? If so, what is there relationship with her?

this_is_me's picture

Dh says she really didnt pay a lot of attention to him growing up. By the time he was 13 she was work I g full time and sent him to live with his sister who is 7 years older than him. He would skip school a lot and get into trouble. Eventually he was asked to leave and not come back. When he was younger he would get up on the weekend fix himself breakfast and take off and not be seen until dark. 

His sister has little to do with their parents. She moved away and doesnt visit a whole lot. She has a drinking problem though and they wont stop hounding her about it so she doesnt want to be around them much.

Siemprematahari's picture

I wonder if this is her twisted way of trying to make up for not emotionally/phyically being constant in your H life......I may be reaching here but it may explain why she is trying to be so controlling.

momjeans's picture

There’s a lot to be said, in the psychology world, about grown children who distance them self from their parent(s) and struggle with alcoholism. 

My BIL (DH’s brother) is in his late 30s, a raging alcoholic, and has moved away numerous times. 

Their parents are also uber controlling, emotionally abusive, and manipulative. 

I am No Contact with MIL and FIL for these reasons. And I’ll be damned if they’ll have alone time with our young children. Yes, this includes taking them to church even. Nope nope nope. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

We had a similar event happen with the oldest and her sport.

She has played with the same team for 3 years and always a certain spot. Well she decided she didn’t want to do that anymore. She’s spent 3 years learning that spot and is actually good. Well since she wouldn’t play it they had to plug in with other kids who had no clue what they were doing and lost. Then BM gets mad that they lost

On top of that the girl threw a fit because she got pulled out of the game completely to let someone better play when she couldn’t do what they needed her to do.

I'm waiting for her to start her new team next year and hoping the new coach won't allow that crap. You can WANT to do something all day long but if you're not good at it you shouldn't get to an pull the rest of the team down. I understand it's about having fun but it also felt like a spoild brat move when they spent the past 3 years teaching her how to play the position she was.