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Work Vent --Mrs. Headlights Strikes Again

thinkthrice's picture

For those without the back story... Mrs. Headlights is a very homely woman (think bully on A Christmas Story) yet she has MASSIVE MAMMARIES that have titmatized the entire male IT staff.   She colours her curly locks bright brick red to bring out her 100% Irishness and she routinely goes on "health walks" with the CIO and the higher echelon of male IT staffers in her Keen brand closed toe sandals (which are the most unattractive shoes on god's green earth btw).  She takes tiny little "step chain" steps to enunciate her physical attributes by the way but I digress.

She was promoted almost a year ago to a position which would be considered "Desktop Support" yet she knows nothing about computers.  She often flirted with the boss and they both conspired to get an older woman, our administrative assistant, who was FANTASTIC shipped off to another dept.   Things have gone downhill ever since culminating in the latest fiasco.  Mrs. Headlights IT qualifications is that she rotated backup tapes which would only require knowing the days of the week.

Some lowlights:

Mrs. Headlights was impressed with the knowledge that uninstalling and reinstalling a program could fix it

Mrs. Headlights deleted 10K worth of equipment from our inventory system because she could not be bothered to locate it

Mrs. Headlights marked several major pieces of equipment as "sent to recycling" in our system even though they are still in use

When doing the inventory, Mrs. Headlights tried to  "delegate" this job to others--something our old admin NEVER did;  this didn't work very well so Mrs. Headlights moaned and complained about having to do this for WEEKS (it took her almost 6 months with a deadline looming).

Mrs. Headlights has a "batting zero" average for correctly assigning trouble tickets--something the boss used to harp about to our former admin who did a great job and maybe misassigned a ticket once in 6 months.   Now the boss assigns the tickets for Mrs. Headlights.

Now for the latest disaster:  Mrs. Headlights is supposed to answer the helpdesk phone.  Which she feels is beneath her as well as all the other admin duties she had to take over when she and the boss got rid of our former admin.   Last Wednesday, calls started coming in about computers being "stuck" doing updates.  

Mrs. Headlights told them to "reboot" and failed to notice the disturbing trend.   She sent one of the other male IT staffers (who is also titmatized) to one of the computers to examine it.   Come to find out there was a major conflict with the April Windows Updates and our antivirus.   We have approx 1K of workstations/laptops and tablets and this would no doubt hit about 95% of all of them.

Fast forward to Thursday at 2:00 a.m. and I'm on call.  I get a desperate call from one of our 24/7 depts that the computers are all stuck.  I drive over there and roll up my sleeves.  End up working a 16 hour day on Thursday which involved training two of my counterparts who are frankly underqualified as well but not to the level of Mrs. Headlights.   Mrs. Headlights complained to me that she took over 90 calls on Thursday (during regular work hours).  She was not required to fix ONE computer.  NOT ONE!

This continued on until Monday.  I also used to manage the windows update server called WSUS but they hired a new person (who is really good, btw) and she forgot to add me as a user so I had no way of checking the server and ROLLING BACK these updates as I normally would have so that was a double whammy.  I had to ask the other male IT staffer (the one who went to look at a computer for Mrs. Headlights) to get into the server and ROLL THEM BACK not just DISALLOW them!!!

So you could say Mrs. Headlight's being ignorant, dangerously unqualified and having ZERO interest in anything computer (everything to tell her goes in one ear and out the other)   was a CATALYST to this entire fiasco AND to make matters work,  one of the so called "computer guys" that doesn't work for IT but works for one of the 24/7 depts wrote in to the CIO and congratulated/thanked the new lady (good), the male IT staffer (good) and MRS. HEADLIGHTS (WHAAATTT???!!!)  for all their hard work!!!  


P.S.  Mrs. Headlights in real life is a GUBM helicopter parent to her only "child" who is 22--still goes to all her doctor appts and has child-like birthday parties for her.

/rant OFF



still learning's picture

DH told me about a lady at work who had the same physical attributes.  A higher up gloated that he promoted her to a position that worked more closely with him because of her "t*ts."  Makes you wonder if this is how many a company's downfall starts.  

Winterglow's picture

It can also go the other way. I know a woman who is generously endowed and who  never got the promotion she deserved because her boss didn't want people thinking that he was only interested in her boobs ... 

futurobrillante99's picture

My first husband was titmatized. If he ran a company, I am sure he would promote Mrs. Headlights to whatever job would have her in view and working with him all the time. Second husband would only care about how big her bank account was and if she's a sucker and would spend all her money on him.

thinkthrice's picture

by the Girhippo.  Her boobs were at his eye level (she's taller than he is)

thinkthrice's picture

To think that I could have just skipped all my training and experience and could have gone straight for a breast augmentation instead.  That way everybody else could do the work and not me

futurobrillante99's picture

There's more to it than augmentation, you have to know how to draw attention to them properly. Can't have a scary "I'll go to HR if you look at my boobs" kinda face. LOL

Merry's picture

This is just one reason why we need more qualified women in management. I am embarrassed for women who trade on their physical attributes rather than their skills and brains. 


SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I have MASSIVE MAMMARIES (ouch, my back.) Wow, I’m failing to use my a$$ets for financial gain! 

What a dumb b!tch she is ffs!

CLove's picture

And Dh is completely in  love with mine. Im medium.

He said hers are stretched and saggy. But she uses them to their full advantage to get guys. Shes also grown by about 50 lbs too, and has all types of back problems.

Ive seen dudes completely fall over themselves for females that are very skinny with breast augmentations. Thats a thing in southern california. It works! Look at all the celebutards.

beebeel's picture

Holy eff. I hope my former coworkers didn't attribute every damn mistake I ever made to the fact that I have big boobs. Oh, but every achievement she's ever made? Also boobs? Gross. I really haven't found mine all that powerful.

futurobrillante99's picture

Yours aren't powerful because you haven't weaponized them (draw attention to them).

A coworker with small B cups had augmentation and is now a D cup. She makes sure to wear form fitting tops that accentuate her curves and hug her boobs while being low cut enought that if you stood in front of her, you can see the beginning of her cleavage. She has the kind of hourglass figure that the primal male brain usually loves - big rump, small waist, big knockers.

I honestly think she dresses borderline inappropriate for work. Not slutty, but too casual and exploiting her figure. I don't think many people take her very seriously, and in our work environment, it's pro feminism and equality, so the knuckle dragging types aren't making hiring decisions in a vacuum.

Anyway, she's about 25 pounds lighter than me, but even if I was her size and shape, I would NOT flaunt my body like that. She's famous for selfies and bikini photos - "look at me. like me. validate me." We're pretty close so I try to tell her the message that kind of stuff broadcasts that affects the type of guy that's interested in her. To no avail.

but she'll wear the painted on jeans, wedge heels, snug shirt that is borderline revealing. The heels make her sashay, and bounce a bit to draw attention to the boobs. And she's ever so demure and giggly around the fellas. They eat that garbage up.

Petronella's picture

My SO infinitely prefers my shape. One of the first times he hugged me, he marveled at how nice it was that his arms could go all the way around me! And I’m no stick anymore, but BM is seriously thick and barrel-chested. 

SO also has a lot to say whenever he sees a woman, on tv or wherever, with huge breasts crammed into a push up bra and tight dress. He never fails to provide a vivid description of what happens to boobs that size once the dress and bra come off:  SCHLUUUMP right down to the waist! Poor guy is speaking from years of married experience. Wow I guess this all sounds mean but I’m just happy that my body makes him happy.

thinkthrice's picture

that they swing around her knees when the bra comes off.  Seriously though they are the only things that Mrs. Headlights has going for her.   Yet the males continue to "overlook" her gross incompetence.