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Entitlement as CS is ending

thinkthrice's picture

Interesting article on HCGUBM entitlement.  The HousesHitter (YSS stb 20) appears to be working full time  (reminder: in NYS CS goes to 21 automatically regardless)  One yr 3 mos to go but who's counting, LOL.


justmakingthebest's picture

Down to 7 months here!!! Of course we still have to work out that 32K lawsuit... but hey, there is hope!

Winterglow's picture

This should be on the obligatory reading list for men getting divorced (and their future partners so they can defuse the "but she's the mother of my children" guff as they hand over yet more cash). A lot of very common bahaviours were listed and explained in there. Reading this should help be forewarned therefore fore-armed.

thiscantbenormal's picture

Most would probably wave it off with "oh, she would never do that". I know my husband thought his ex was too nice to be vindictive, even when she was being 2 faced and vindictive right in front of him.  

thinkthrice's picture

He "let's take the high road" right off the edge of a cliff.

Cover1W's picture

OMG yes! DH too! "BM is really a good mom."

Ignoring the PAS, passive aggressive communication and dismissal of anything father realated.

I've pointed this out to him many times. I think now that he doesn't really believe PAS is a thing.

CastleJJ's picture

Wow, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does. We are still 7.5 years out from CS ending but BM already does most of this, especially since DD was born 8 months ago. She has been nickeling and diming us for every possible child related expense for the last 8 months, which is something she never really did before. DH tells her "No," on everything not court ordered, so she is ramping up medical usage. We have paid hundreds, maybe even thousands in additional medical expenses this year, something we never did in the past because SS is a generally healthy kid outside of the annual cold or sinus infection. Now for some reason, DD was born and SS' health is falling apart. BM is telling DH that SS needs braces in the spring, despite the fact that he still has several baby teeth and is only 10. We are bracing ourselves. 

Maybe BM feels like she is losing control because DH has DD, so now she is trying everything she can to keep her grip. It doesn't change that she doesn't want SS with us, but she doesn't want DH to move on and be happy either. This article spelled it out perfectly. While I look forward to aging out of CS, I know BM will have a few tricks up her sleeve. She is not going to lay down and take a financial loss quietly. 

Winterglow's picture

How bad are the (supposed) health problems? How often does she seek medical advice/help? This may not be Munchausen by proxy, but be aware that MBP is considered child abuse...

CastleJJ's picture

It isn't anything serious, just conditions that "require" continued treatment. She had him in occupational therapy for 6 months at $80 per session out of pocket after insurance for sensory seeking behavior related to his fake ADHD diagnosis. She said he was toe walking (I think due to growth spurt). I say SS' diagnosis is fake because he is a straight A student, shows no signs of attention deficit or hyperactivity, every teacher has said that they don't see it, SS isn't medicated for it, and BM only conveniently had him diagnosed when the school denied her request for a gifted and talented program. Once the teachers provided additional or advanced work for him, we never heard about the diagnosis again, until this year when OT started (two weeks after DD was born). 

She also claimed SS has chronic croup which required ENT intervention to rule out any bigger issues. That was $500 for the ENT consult and monitoring. The ENT did a throat scope this summer which ruled "inconclusive", which we are still waiting on a bill for but is estimated to be $1100 out of pocket. After the results came back inconclusive, BM said the ENT wants SS to wait until Fall to see if he has a flare up. When DH asked BM what she considered "chronic," she said twice per year, which to DH, isn't chronic. 

BM warned DH that SS could require OT again next year and possibly every year after when sports can't provide enough stimulation. We can't really dispute the medical expenses because she has medical notes showing the treatment. Now BM is warning us that the dentist is recommending braces next spring so she wants to schedule an orthodontic appointment. Again, they aren't severe conditions, but since they require monitoring and regular intervention, it is costly. 

AgedOut's picture

He might want to imply that he notes that she seems to have problems taking care of SS's health since it goes to those extremes, perhaps she should allow Dad to have custody as it may be best for kiddo's health and future. Not saying you should take custody, but calling her out might stop the bs.

CastleJJ's picture

The health isn't extreme, it is just more than his once a year case of the cold or an injury. The costly part of it is that OT is weekly and we paid out of pocket for every session after insurance and the ENT was expensive since it was a specialist. The judge made it clear to them both that he would never grant DH more visitation, let alone custody, so BM knows that she is safe. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Love the article. ET's favorite tactic is The Hoover. Bat some eyelashes, cry a little, show some cleavage. Even when she is in a relationship. Since YSK moved in with us, she has more or less stopped most of that. I think it has more to do with punishing YSK, though.

One more tip I'd add for the post-CS days: check that credit report monthly and set up credit alerts for a solid year or two. Desperate people do desperate things, and these exes have all the info they need to commit identify theft and credit card fraud. I went on high alert when ET changed her last name back to DH's because it would have been SO EASY for her to use her birth certificate and old marriage license to open accounts. While it would have been fraud and could all be reversed, it would be an utter pain.

CLove's picture

yep. The countdown is real. 

Child support/BM support. Husband is very tired of it, but it hasnt been adjusted in 4 plus years, and its considered pretty low. Of course he still shells out for some things (a bed set for SD16PMP at Toxic Troll residence.) but not really much anymore.

halo1998's picture

and I don't have to worry about DH giving ANYTHING to Beaver.  He wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire.  Even now..he won't give anything extra to Beaver....if it doesn't go direct to doesn't get bought or given.

Rags's picture

As the CP household, at that point the CS should have shifted to direct payment to SS until he finished college (or his 22nd Bday whichever was first).  He let them off of hte hook for 4 more years of CS. When they recycled their guilt trip to get him to send money to feed his half sibs he would tell them that he was giving them $785/mo to help raise his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas by not forcing them to keep paying CS to him.

Their entitlement is so strong that they were trying to recover from SS the CS they paid per the CO.  The look on SS's face when the three of us were discussing tht and I dropped that sentence broke my heart.  Toxic people rarely ever stop being toxic. Fortunately my son avoided that part of the shallow and polluted gene pool of the SpermClan.

strugglingSM's picture

We have 20 months left of CS payments. BM makes more than both DH and I combined, but she still gets 1/4 of his income each month because she provided outdated tax returns and "didn't have" the tax return for her partnership income and DH's lawyer was too incompetent to push it further. Then DH offered more than he was obligated to pay under the state calculation, which he did, because he wanted to change the holiday schedule....he also had to pay more because BM claimed to be covering health insurance for Skids (not sure she really is, since everything still gets billed to DH's health insurance). Despite this, BM still thinks DH pays "too little" and tries to extort whatever else she can from him. SSs have very minimal interests, so her ability to claim DH needs to contribute for sports items is now limited. BM also didn't want to pay anything for skiing, so she said that they should pay for whatever they sign skids up for. Also, because she supposedly "added" health insurance, but didn't want DH to drop Skids from his health insurance, her lawyer wrote in that she is responsible for all uninsured medical costs. She then later tried to convince DH of adding that language to "ruin her". 

Both SSs claim they are going to college...they are both below grade level and regularly switch classes to avoid "mean" teachers (i.e. teachers who won't give them a B just for showing up), so neither one is college material, but I'm sure the demands for college money will come...the only good thing about our state is that the NCP is expected to pay the school directly instead of paying the other parent, so that removes some incentive for BM to demand money. SSs have told us that BM's parents are paying for them to go to college, but that doesn't mean BM won't try to extort money from DH for classes that will ultimately be dropped. DH set aside money for SSs after he received a small inheritance from his grandmother, but BM drained the accounts (while they were still married), because she "needed" the money to cover unpaid taxes for her business....or debts she incurred due to her love of gambling. 

SMto2's picture

This article hit SO close to home!! It's been 8 YEARS since DH's official CS obligation ended, but the extortionist tactics by BM have continued. She has contacted DH to ask that he pay for everything from SS28's DD (SGD's) preschool to a down payment on SS26's new house. At all times he told her to have the affected SS contact him to discuss. The former resulted in  DH paying nothing while the latter resulted in DH paying $10k towards the down payment.  

Importantly, after this last contact, DH FINALLY BLOCKED BM, from both his cell and email, so she can no longer contact him to request $ for her ADULT sons!! I admit I was proud that DH FINALLY  made that step, and I hope it's the end of BM asking for $.