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BF wants custody of his daughter; I don't; We live together

thewarden's picture

Hi. I live with my boyfriend. He has an 11 year old daughter that he sees every other weekend. Due to some ongoing issues with his daughter, he recently announced that he wants to try for full custody of her. I have no kids of my own, and he's known from almost day one (almost 9 years ago) that I would never be OK with him having full custody. When he TOLD me about this recently, he didn't discuss this with me and won't because he said he already knows how I feel about the situation. We got in a huge fight, and he said that I don't care about his feelings and I'm not being supportive. How am I supposed to be positive and supportive about something that I don't support and never have?! This would have a huge impact on my life, and he's making this decision acting as if he's single and living alone. He won't discuss this with me, he's been sleeping on the couch, politely acknowledging me & otherwise avoiding me. I feel like overnight I'm living with a stranger. He won't give me a straight answer on anything, and I feel like I'm living in this limbo land of emotional hell. I think just like that he's ending the relationship; however, the problem is we're in a lease on a house for the next 11 months. I am devastated, and feel like I was misled for years. All references throughout our years together had convinced me that full custody was something that he'd never be interested in. I feel so betrayed and hurt. He's choosing this over our relationship and making me out to be the bad guy. I don't know what to do and am very distraught over this. I can't relax and feel depressed and anxious. I would appreciate any advice you have to give. Thanks. By the way, this is just a quick summary of everything. There's so much more to all of this, as I'm sure is the case with most everyone's posts on here.

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

I know you love this man but trust me, if this is something you feel strongly about, draw a line in the sand and say- "you file , I leave".

Don't get involved with raising a preteen ( I hear those years are just lovely) unless you are 100% dedicated. It isn't fair to anyone if you are not.

KittyKatMomma's picture

Then it's best you leave. Because you need to realize something when dating a father-there's always a chance he will be a full time father.

God forbid if BM were to drop dead or become an invalid unable to care for her child.

And Sorry to say-that child deserves her father more then you deserve him as a boyfriend.