Mixed feelings and a bit of a rambling rant
DH is looking into counselling to address his issues about SD. I'm happy because I think counselling is a step in the right direction but some of the things he says makes me uneasy. Like how he really wants to have a relationship with her, etc. And when he asked me for my thoughts I asked what was the point of going to counselling? To chase your daughter who wants nothing to do with you or to set up better boundaries and move on with your life? And he says he wants her in his life and to get to a healthier spot. I’m sure if he lands a decent therapist they’ll point out that you can’t maintain healthy boundaries while you debase yourself to buy crumbs of affection.
Then the subject went to the topic of SD’s present and how he was supposed to get it to her when she won’t meet up with him. Let’s have a moment to think about how fked up it is to chase someone down to give them a present! I suggested just send it by registered post and call it a day. And when he was unsatisfied with that comment i took my filter off and said she's probably gonna toss it or sell it for money. I wish I could engrave a message on there “to cashies staff, the person flogging this piece is a c*nt!”
So we’ve gone from talking about possible counselling to me calling his daughter a c*nt. This is a girl who was happy to stick her hand out and take her ailing grandmother’s jewellery while refusing to see any extended family since her parents separated. Her three years as an adult only reaching out to DH with invoices for him to pay, expecting maintenance while working full time on her own and living with BM. DH has been to hospital multiple times and he’ll be lucky if she bothers to send a text that starts with “hope you’re well” before she launches into the real reason for contact - money. Pretend she’s any other person than your daughter. What would you call someone who does that kind of stuff? He had no response to that. Probably because a little voice in his head was supplying the answer: “a c*nt!”