Can't we just have a nice weekend?
Well Dh has found a terrible attitude. He's been pissy towards me ever since we picked up munchkin.
Yesterday he got mad at me for knocking "too loudly" on the bathroom door when he was in there. Munchkin had pooped herself again and he had decided to take a dump in the bathroom that we store the pull ups and wipes in. She was pretty upset about being stinky and uncomfortable but he was not answering me. He came out and gave me shit for being "rude and inconsiderate" then went to clean Munchkin's poopy panties downstairs. I went down to talk to him, I was still in a good mood and I wanted to ask him about bringing her potty and some stuff down stairs so both bathrooms would have some. He slammed the door in my face. So I went to my mom's place for the rest of the day.
I got home at 9pm. Munchkin was still awake, there was another pair of poopy panties sitting on the stairs and the bathroom was a big mess. I asked Dh why he didn't pick it up, and from his stupor on the couch he mumbled something about forgetting it and me being crazy because I think the bathroom should be put back in order when each of us are done. So I went and slept in the basement spare room.
So I come upstairs and make coffee after a wonderful nights sleep and went about my morning cleaning. I vacuume Munchkins room last and notice a lump of shit on her mat. I bring it down stairs to my Dh (who is in the bathroom again) and tell him hes got a present. I go back upstairs and scrub down the bathroom. When I'm done I go back downstairs to make sure Dh wasn't bleaching the mat or anything. He was hand washing it, so I asked if thats what the tag said. He muttered something about not knowing or caring. I turn around walk a few steps and come back, "Is this really the attitude you're going to have with me today?"
"Why would I change my attitude??"
"Idk because you want to hang out with me?"
"Well why would you want to hang out with me? I'm just a burden and I can't do anything right"
"Ok *Dh*, have a good day."
So now I'm just biding my time before I go help my mom and dad clean up their house before the renovations. I'm in a great mood. I really don't understand what his problem is. It's not like I have been mean about what I have said to him. I just don't want to fight, so I'm going to go away and deal with him when he's not trying to "play mom" (which he really isn't good at but I haven't been telling him that)
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Maybe your DH is doing the
Maybe your DH is doing the best he can but feels you are always criticizing him.
He actually said that to you and it seems to have went over your head.......
"Well why would you want to hang out with me? I'm just a burden and I can't do anything right".....He is telling you right there that he thinks he doesn't meet your standards.
I tend to get like this myself. You didn't do this exactly right, your kid did this, next time do it this way....I hear myself act like that and I have to shut my trap and appreciate what my BF has done w/o pointing out the little things he didn't do.
"When I'm done I go back downstairs to make sure Dh wasn't bleaching the mat or anything. He was hand washing it, so I asked if thats what the tag said."
LIke this line. He was hand washing the mat, not bleaching.
You should have just said, 'Hey honey, thanks for cleaning that up for me so it didn't stink up the house!' instead of 'What does the tag say to do.'
And in all honesty, when my kids were little and I had spent the day taking care of them, I was wiped out and the dishes or dirt that was in my house when I went to bed, definately doesn't go away while I'm sleeping.
"And in all honesty, when my
"And in all honesty, when my kids were little and I had spent the day taking care of them, I was wiped out and the dishes or dirt that was in my house when I went to bed, definately doesn't go away while I'm sleeping."
But this is his kid. I do the cooking (except dinner last night), I do the laundry, I do the vacuuming, I mop the floors, ect. I just want him to pay attention to the mess his daughter makes so that I don't have to do everything. Idk. I'm not in a bad mood, I just wish I knew how to talk to him without him thinking that I hate him. I even spent half of yesterday hanging out with Munchkin (even though we have this deal where he is supposed to be the one watching her, I like to spend time with her when he's not forcing me too) and in that time I was scrubbing 4 yr old shitty panties and helping her wipe butt. I don't mind. idk...
I understand, I really do.
I understand, I really do. But I'm trying to show his side of it, well a side my BF pointed out to me one time. He would pick up his kids' toys but I would point out the pile in the other room he forgot. He'd make sure the kids' got the dishes out of bedrooms, but he didn't look under the bed for the garbage.
At least that is what I got from that one statement. I could be wrong. Maybe he feels that he is doing the best he can taking care of her. Maybe he doesn't thing its a big mess.
I know there are men in this world that are 100% hands on Dads, keep up with everything, can do it all. I have just never in my life met one. Most men, that I know, feel if the kid is alive and the house is still standing, they've done their job
Just a thought to try.....bite your tongue and let the little stuff go, and praise him for what he does all by himself (no matter how small).
And yes this is just how I
And yes this is just how I treated my kids when they were little. If BF vacuums the whole house while I'm doing something else, I honestly have to give him some type of acknowledgement.
Sorry to the men on here! Not generalizing you all.
Ohhh I understand the praise
Ohhh I understand the praise thing. When I was hanging out with Munchkin yesterday, he fixed the squeaky bed. I praised him like he was a god! Hugs and kisses and "Ohhh hun, Thanks soooo much!" But then he got all pissy about the bathroom thing. He knows that thats the bathroom with all the changing supplies in it.
I remember not being able to
I remember not being able to go to the bathroom alone with toddlers up my ass! It was annoying. Maybe he was just hiding in there for a moment of peace and quiet and then wham, someone at the door. Definately put changing supplies in the other bathroom too.
Try and put that behind you. But that is something you can try and watch out for in the future or start there to have a discussion about it.
Sometimes you just can't sweat the small stuff and look at the bigger picture.
Thetis - when I read your
Thetis - when I read your post, I actually was thinking the exact same thing that Bearcub had written.
Then I somewhat started to agree with Steperg... but only to a point.
I think your DH is feeling criticized and pissy and that he cannot do anything right.
I also think that he is feeling insecure about what he has brought to the relationship. My husband has confided in me how guilty he feels TOWARDS ME that I am dealing with SD and BM.
I don't think he will be mad about something else if its not that. I think that's a little projection there (sorry Steperg, I do.)
I think your DH is at the same point as my DH. And more than praise from you... he needs some compassion and empathy. These guys are not always strong, or in control of how they feel.
We are all all about our sacrifices and feelings... but I think we sometimes forget that our "sacrifices" mean that our SO's are "causing" them to an extent. I believe that your DH is a pretty good guy and most of the time you guys get along fairly decent, right? I hope you can "give him a break" ....
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Thanks a bunch. This is a
Thanks a bunch. This is a great reply.
Little update:
Dh has apologized for being pissy. I let him have the mornings off anyways when we have Munchkin. She plays with me while he wakes up and does whatever untill lunch. Then when she went for her nap today we cuddled watching a movie. This has not been the worse weekend by far and things could have been alot worse! It was so great to have some us time today! (I think I just needed to bitch for a bit earlier)